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Does anyone miss the person they used to be?

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:26 AM in Matters of the Heart
I posted the topic because I'm sure, from reading the posts, many of you are like me and can't be the people we used to be. Whether you call it a matter of spirit, or a matter of the heart, it's something we all have had to adjust to, or are adjusting to. :/
I'm on the other side of it most of the time, but there are still times when I dearly miss the person I used to be. Going through it felt almost like a death and I was depressed a good portion of the time. For awhile I called myself a proffessional patient. I lost a career of over thrity years. Thought at least with that title I had a job.
For awhile I wallowed, :< longing to be able to do the things I used to, have the same energy I used to, be ready to start the day when my feet hit the floor...It was a long list, and it took a long time to get over losing so much of myself. :(
I don't know if I just got tired of hearing myself whine, or if I finally accepted that I couldn't be that person anymore, either way, I started coming up with some new ideas, new ways to spend my time, and things I could do that didn't aggravate, or make the pain worse, and made me feel useful. :)
Maybe, by sharing where we're at we can help each other through the process. I wish I had known you all were out there at the beginning of all of this. It probably would have helped me a lot. >:D<


  • I think about it all the time. It's normal to break down and cry. I know it sounds easier than it is, but you have to make yourself mentally strong so you can survive. I don't want my kids to see me cry. I don't want them to cry, I want them to carry on and be happy. They understand that Mom is not the same anymore and can't do certain things, but she is still here for us. Mu husband says he loves me no matter what physical state I'm in, and it's so reassuring. Life is all about making adjustments and learning to do things differently. Of course I feel very disappointed that none of my surgeries worked. I dread the thought of living with this pain and disability. I know that one day new procedures and technologies will be made available so that we can benefit from it. But for now we must hold on, and do whatever we can to manage.
  • I miss some of the things that I can't do anymore-but I don't miss the person that I've left behind,because in most ways I think that I am a much better person than I was before.

    Of course I've had a long time to go through the process of grieving and getting to where I am now.It would have been nice if I could have been in good shape,pain free,and still be the person I am today..and who knows what I/WE would have been like had this not become a part of our lives.

    I think we probably always reinvent ourselves as we go through events,and tragedy in our lives has it's own way of changing certain things about who we become,and how we feel about ourselves.It's an interesting subject..always changing.

    Charry~This is for you...
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  • Yes it's been hard staying in and being so isolated. I used to enjoy being busy at my job. But I am kind of enjoying the rest! I guess I'll know more when I see my second Ortho opinion and see if I need surgery or more time off. I'm sorry you weren't able to go back to your job. It's true there is grieving for both you and Paulgla. In my family though I feel so distant no calls no get well card, I guess they're busy working! We're here for you now JL! Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Size wise I am twice the person I used to be.........but I don't think that is what you where asking.........lol

    Yes for sure we all do..........nobody likes too go throught all of this crap.

  • yes but then the people that say....everything happens for a reasonhave not gone through any of this............and hearing someone say that they have only taken two aspirins in their life....and that I am taking to many pills.......they just have no idea...........when I woke up and was a quadriplegic ...the hospital writes that I am suicidal....i think that i would be crazy if I was not depressed.......and I really miss dancing..and I am a widowand face life forever alone but enough of that think of the great things those early morning dews the smell ofspring, a good italian spaghetti, the smell of a baby....somany good things to live for think of the good things there are so many

    nancy in canada
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  • I really miss the THINGS I used to do, but I am now a better person because of what I've learned along this journey. I have been able to share so much in the way of information, types of treatments available, and just compassion for those who also suffer quietly with chronic pain. I have had the privilege of speaking to nursing students about the impacts of chronic pain, which will hopefully make THEM better caregivers because of it.

    I do wish I could be the "supermom, superfriend, supervolunteer" that I once was, but on the other hand, being all those people managed to burn me out at some point....so I've learned to set boundaries, and that is a very good thing!!

  • I've often talked about this subject and have had a very hard time with it. I've found that it's not only me but the people around me that make the transition hard. I'll never be that person again and am working extremely hard on accepting it as much as I can but am constantly reminded by my husband and friends how "different" I am now. No S**T Sherlock!

    There is no easy way to do it. If any of you find a way please share it with me.

  • I miss a life that had no neck or back pain. I crave for the day that I can walk/run as straight as I did pre-accident. I hope the headaches and head pain stops. I wish that someone would help make me better. I fear that I will be left in this state. I want to be working. I don't want to give it up. My neck and back continually hurt, and I don't like the meds, but need them. Nerve pain has made it worse. I am worried about the state of my disks in neck and back. I used to run daily, now I can't even walk right. I will be stronger, because this is yet another life experience. I know I am not alone because of Spine Health.
  • I think most of us have felt this at one time or another-some for longer then others. I myself have always wanted change-had a thing about doing something different every 7 years (except changing husbands-I love the one I've had for 30 years!. We can reinvent ourselves and disabilities should have no bearing on our desires, dreams and hopes. I'm no Helen Keller-but look at what she accomplished in her lifetime. Look at Grandma Moses! Her lovely paintings!

    I know these may not be the things you but I'm sure there are things that you can still do very well.

    People haven't said I've changed-- I think I am the same person I always been. True, no more horseback riding, no more skiing, but I'm still fun to be around and I laugh and listen to people and I like myself and making new friends. Don't need to keep those friends who don't want my company anymore just because I can't go skiing with them or tent camping anymore!

    Jumping out of bed and hitting the road all bright eye and bushy tail was never my thing and for people who that was their life-I am sorry it not possible anymore. But it's not so bad waking up from a nice drug induced dream-putting on the coffee pot and reading the paper with your doting spouse either. Take time to smell the roses :) You may come to enjoy a slower pace and the joys in small successes and things. Good luck!
  • Sometimes I feel the way you do and understand it so well. My only suggestions are to dig deep and never give up.
    It's hard when family members don't get it. Been there, especially with my kids. It's more like denial. MOM can't be broken. My daughter was the worst and kept telling me I would get better, find a cure, have another surgery, be able to get off narcotics. Her friend did, why can't I?
    My sons just tell me to go the gym. That will fix it, yeah right. It's medically impossible to build muscle without nerve function. It's like driving a car without a battery. LOL. I have a lot of those if you're interested. :))(
    Anyway, keep working on you. Finding something you can do that you're passionate about is a good distraction, not only from pain and the crazy thoughts that come with it, but also from the crazy things family and friends say. Even when they mean well it seems like they don't get it.
    Good luck to you, love and prayers...
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