Just wondering how many people have had conversations such as, "Just shoot me," or "Maybe I would be better off if I had my leg amputated," or "They are kinder to animals?"
I've been in some pretty dark places in recovery, if you can call failed back surgery recovery. Not sure what category it falls under. For awhile I couldn't decide whether having my leg was worth it.
A very spiritual massage therapist was working on me about 2 yrs. after my surgery. She had an idea of what happened to me, but when she asked, "Are you angry with your leg?" It kind of freaked me out. I couldn't say, NO, so I said, "Yes, I am. It hurts all the time and keeps me from doing a lot of things i used to do and want to do."
She said, "What does your leg have to do with all that. It sounds to me like pain is keeping you from doing things. You should be compassionate to your leg it's done a lot for you and for many years did whatever you asked of it, and whatever healing might be possible won't happen in all that negative energy."
I wish there would have been more healing in my leg, but what she said got me thinking and was more than the likely the start of some much needed emotional healing.
Have any of you every had scarry conversations with yourselves? #:S