I was Told I was Disabled on Monday by the Dr. I am having a hard time excepting this. I know that I am. Its just
hard to get it though my head and accept it.
I have worked hard hard jobs all my life. Being in all acpects of food service from catering for thousands of people,to cooking for hundreds and doing pots and pans. Working long hours usually without breaks. I guess I made my bigest mistake when after my first surgery I took a job 1 year later being the food service manager in a nursing home. This was the hardest job I have ever had cooking 4 days a week 2-3 meals a day, serving all this food and doing all the pots and pans, (Yes I was the boss,) doing all the paper work and getting ready for state surveys. I woked 50-60 hours a week in a hot hot kitchen in the summer. Some of my employees were quite limited in what they could do and had special needs. There was never time for a break or I would get behind. I went above and beyond what I did for the residens with special baking and little parties and well just things that would make them smile. I sit here and think would I have had to have surgery if I had not worked like this for 2 years. Hmmmm I dont really knowm my guess is No. This is how I worked at all my jobs, hard and going above and beyone.
I was rewarded with awards at alot of my jobs which made it seem worth it. I guess where I am going with this is. I will never be able to do this again in my life. It makes me sad and unsure of what the future holds.
When the doctor told me this on monday, I cried. Then I felt like a piece of my heart was ripped out. I could't talk about it in person to anybody or else I would lose control and cry. Now what do I do with my life.
I made good money for the last two years and I now make nothing. I have applied for SSD, but that is alot less than I am used to making. Dont get me wrong I will be so happy when I finally get accepted for SSD. I pray this happens but its usually unlikely to get accepted first time around.
I will need to learn to live life somewhat differently than I have in the past. Maybe that is a good thing because I never had time or the energy to actually enjoy life.
I believe that when one door opens another opens.
I have made the most wonderful friens on this site that have cared and prayed for me all the time. This site has been a blessing to me and I thank all the moderators for making it a wonderful place to come to and talk, get advice, inspirations and somtimes even get a chuckle out of some of the posts. I dont really know why I am writing all this I guess i just needed to.
I will live my life one day at a time and never stop believing that the good lord.