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In so much pain, scared to start new job next week, need to vent



  • You are like I used to be until my husband sat me down and gave me "the talk". When I would have a good day, I would get up and try to do things, and all seemed to involve bending, lifting or twisting, all of which it sounds like you did. I just felt like I had to do it for my family.

    Then my husband would come home from work and see me laid out, dying of pain and he would ask what I did. And then he would have this look of utter devastation. This was not the wife he wanted. He was scared I would end up in a wheelchair (and we later found out I was one wrong move from a wheelchair, so he was having a premonition or something.)

    He sat me down and explained that he and the boys needed and wanted a mom/wife who was not crying, not dying of pain. It didn't matter that I couldn't clean like I used to. I wasn't earning "brownie points" by trying to overdo. (Which when we have major nerve damage/problems, almost anything can be overdoing it.)

    I decided I couldn't see that look in his eyes again. It devastated me to devastate him. Yes, it gave them tons more to do. But when he came home, I was able to smile, and chat with him from my recliner, where I spent the majority of my days.

    Last November, we finally got the diagnosis of permanent s1 nerve damage, which explained it all. Why sitting/standing/anything over 20 minutes caused me so much pain.

    I totally understand how you feel right now and I don't know how you will work. But if you must try, you must. Just promise yourself, us and your family that you won't over do. Take a gripper to work if you have to. You have to take it easy - nerve pain is something else, and as you know, can take days and sometimes weeks to recover from. The muscle spasms can be the worst!!

    Take care,

  • Life seems so unfair, why is it that tragedy seems to hit the good and innocent people get the worst. I am truly sorry about your grandmother and your friend and I wish there was something to make this all better. Please let us know how you're doing and I hope the neurologist helps you with your pain. Take care
    your buddy Meydey
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  • You know what I've figured out? As long as the dishes aren't molding they aren't a health hazard and will wait until I CAN do it. Not until I feel like I have to do it. I will be sending prayers up for your friend and your grandmother. That has to be weighing heavy on your mind and heart right now. If you think you need to wait to go back to work then listen to your body. Your family needs YOU more than you think you need to go back to work next week. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • i just want to say i feel EXACTLY the same way as you do on days i feel better i end up trying to do things around the house such as laundry or dishes and just end up on the couch in pain for days. i just got married in august and my back pain just got really bad a couple of months ago. i feel so guilty because on days i hurt i have no patience and im sad almost all the time. im only 20 and i feel like i shouldnt have to deal with this so young. but my husband does support me more than i could have imagined. i would be so lost without him. my family hasnt been too supportive and people at work just disregard the fact that i have back problems. if i come to work hurting they act like its a huge inconvenience. (at my job i stand ALL day and end up having to sit down in intervals) but anywho im praying for you and everyone on these forums. these forums are a gift to me. just knowing that there are people going through the same things and it gets to them just as much as it gets to me makes me feel less like im on my own. thank you so much!
  • Welcome to spinehealth and thank you for you kinds words. It is nice to know there are others going through the same thing and who understand and truly get it when you talk to them. Friends just don't understand and you are very lucky to have a supportive husband. Be sure to tell him how much you appreciate him and all he does for you and how much you love him.

    It really is tough because I don't have a supportive husband or kids. I have to beg my kids to help me and I don't even ask my husband most of the time unless its something heavy, although he wont carry the cat litter adn I buy 30# at a time so that's tough. Sometimes my son falls asleep on the couch and I'll ask him to carry him to bed but he won't so I do and he was almost 50# now and it hurts so bad to lift him but if I leave him on the couch he will pee thru his pullup and then pee on the couch. I don't know when he is going to grow out of that. I really wish I had a better support group. My dad lives next door. I think you know his situation. I'm pretty sure. It's just so frustrating. My gma was just told she has about 8months left to live. He lung cancer is growing. She is doing pretty good with it though and is in higher spirits than what I thought she would.

    I better get going cuz i'm having trouble typing. Must be ambien is starting to kick in for the night. I better go lay down. Take care and good night. Hope youare arms are feeling better.
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