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CHAT - One problem is fixed a new one surfaces

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,425
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:28 AM in Spine-Health Announcements
Let me just start by saying that the forum rules apply to all parts of the Spine-Health patient forums. That includes:
Forum Posts
Private Messages
Chat Room

Just this week, I have received several complaints about the improper behavior of some members in CHAT. This time, the problem can be summed up as the Chat room being used as
'An Online Dating and Flirting' vehicle.

Some of that can be harmless depending how it is done and who it is done to.
A remember that our chat rooms are available to ALL Members of Spine-Health, and all ages.

THe chat room is NOT for:
- Sharing/Display photos that are questionalbe in taste
- Using the chat as a member dating game.
- Making more than just flirting comments
- Discussions about clothing being removed
These item are NOT items that should be used in Chat.
Any one of them can be subject to a violation and a warming.

It is impossible for the Moderator team to be in CHAT every night to monitor the sessions. First, I dont want to go that route. Having a Hall monitoring is something that is needed for children at school, not for our chat rooms.

So once again, let me emphasize that all Forum rules apply to actvities in the CHAT room. We know the members that were directing involved with the above.

The choice is yours, clean it up or warnings will be issued.

The CHAT room is for everyone. Turning it a dating service prohibits members who want to come to chat, to unwind a bit, talk with other members etc.

I do hope this is the last time I need to make a post about problems in CHAT
Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 


  • i would like to add my voice to this, and that i chatted with the person in question yesterday, and know for a fact that if anyone had SAID that his material was offensive, he would have toned it down....he is new here, and i am trying to teach him to go into other areas to chat as well...please be patient and tolerant of all new comers here as they learn the ways of our comunity.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,425
    and he decided to ignore my statement to him about being offensive. Having fun is one thing, but everyone has to take the entire site into consideration.
    The chat room is not only for those who wish to conduct themselves like him and others.

    If a group wants to have ongoing sexual tone chats then I suggest looking at other chat rooms or IMs to conduct that
    type of dialogue. It will not be accepted here

    hopeless-in-mn, I appreciated your candid response and that you are trying to correct the situation with that individual.
    Thank you

    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,425
    My basic first introductions to Spine-Health were in CHAT and so many of the great members that were there. Those names have slowly disappeared, and yet some still remain.
    Hopey,Tammy,Bruce,Zach are just some of them.
    Recently, I have not gone into CHAT. My reason is that because of the current set of problems, my presence in CHAT would only serve to have people act on better behavior.
    Its like a Hen watching her coop (Dont know if there is a Rooster version of that)
    But when I go into CHAT today, problems cease. I dont want that. I want to be that ANY TIME ANY one goes into CHAT they will feel comfortable.
    So, Until I can really feel a sense of ease back into CHAT, I will not be going there. Of course IF there are problems, I will jump in to take care of them.
    I hope everyone can understand where I am coming from
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,425
    to determine what and where the problems are. Some folks have even told me that there really arent problems, just perhaps a few people that for whatever reason what to stir up a hornet's nest.

    In the past two months or so while dealing with the recent set of CHAT situations, I've noticed some trends. Now, I am far from any expert on deciphering what people are really doing, but here is my take:

    1- Some People come into CHAT to have a good time, to have some fun, meet other members in a social environment.

    2- Some People come into CHAT to ask questions. They may have asked in the Forums, but sometimes, the realtime responses you can get from interactive chats are better.

    3- Almost 99.9% of the members come into the Default Chat room (Spine-Health Chats). Seldom do members leave that room for another. Why? I've discovered that some members didnt know how to do it or what the other rooms where about.
    Some didnt want to leave, some it didnt matter.

    4- When someone was upset about something another member did or multiple members did, their options were to a- Leave Chat , b- Go to another room or c-Fight back in CHAT

    5- So many members told me that when they find something not to their liking, improper or immature behavior, they just log off of chat... No problem, just come back another time.

    6- Then I've heard of members who feel they are being harassed or ganged up on, but stay, might complain, might not, but they come back to the same room at the same time with almost the same people and the same scenario is repeated. Not sure how much sense that makes?

    7- Some members just cant wait to get out of CHAT and make a complaint about another member.

    8- Then there are some members that feel they are being attacked, but also dont feel like making a complaint or many any issue out of it.

    Whats right? Whats Wrong? - Sometimes I really dont know

    I understand and appreciate the benefits of the CHAT room and we try to do everything we can to make sure that environment stays.

    Since the other rooms are not used, with the exception of a special purpose room requested by mrs P and is a good situation. (The Diet Room) Maybe we should just eliminate the other rooms?

    I would really like some feedback on this entire subject.
    Like I said before, Whats Right and Whats Wrong? That is so hard to determine.

    I know the overall objective is for the CHAT room to be a positive experience for being and not negative.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • Hi Ron

    Chat is a great place to come to, to chill, hang out, catch up with your friends, and make new friends. Its a place where medical concerns are talked about if its needing a real time response.

    CHat is full of people and people are from all walks of life, have various hobbies etc and basically they don't always get on with everyone 100% of the time.

    When this happens its a case of sending the person a PM and asking what the issue is and making your apologises if they are warented. Sometimes people for whatever reason do not want to respond to you, so you have to accept that, even if it causes you personal upset as they are a good friend to you, but hey thats a fact of life I am going through this at the moment, but it doesnt stop me going into chat as chat is bigger than this one person, but I still get to see their wonderful sense of humour and chat, even though I can't respond (if I do it gets ignored) but this person is still lovely, and a real asset to the forum.

    Chat is a great place, people really understand what you are going through, your thoughts, fears, concerns etc, and thats invaluable if you don't have family support. Sometimes family memeber are great in the everyday support, helping with chores etc, but when you say how your back/neck feels that can't really comprehend what type of pain it is you are describing.

    Sometimes other rooms are used, if medical matters are the issue they might take it away from main chat, or if people fancy being a bit roucous they take it to another room, and people move from room to room as they please.

    I hope my take on thing is understandable.

    Thank you to all the mods etc that provide us with this facility.

    Danni xoxo

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  • your not by any chance talkin about the REM dog are ya?..
    hes such a cute lil pup...how can anyone be mad at rem doggy? sorry if i offended anyone. it take time to get to know the puppy.......
  • well i don't really know what to say here but ill have a go.
    i keep going back and reading this post over and over again...why???....no idea.
    well lets go....
    chat to me is a wonderful place but to be honest i havent spent much time there lately as all of my older friend have started chatting in other places....(myself included). we all met through sh and it is sad that i suppose you would say we have ditched it.
    why????....because others have joined and i suppose weve had our day and formed our group off friends.most people seem to join a click off friends and stick with them.ive met a group of truly wonderful life long friends on sh and i know others have too.
    im getting back into the swing off things in chat and am finding that coming back on to chat and chatting with others makes me realize how good a place sh is, its warm caring and understanding and i think we all have our good and bad days in chat.
    friendships are made and in some cases dislike towards others happens!!!.....its life!!
    lets be realistic here everyone in life doesn't get on but at the end off the day the majority of us here are mature adults and we should be behaving like so.
    we all came to this site for the same reason so why why i say do we have to behave like immature spoilt brats at times?????
    as ron has stated there are other rooms in chat so i suggest we start to use them before we loose chat altogether!!!
    life is hard enough for all off us so lets try start at the beginning again and play nice to each other....it doesn't cost a penny to do so.
    thank you for taking the time to read my post.
    im here to listen to anyone thats what friend are for.

    LOVE P
  • LizLiz Posts: 9,706
    I found SH at a time I was experiencing a severe flare-up and desparate to find any information to help me cope, an added bonus was when I found the site had a friendly chatroom. I have made some good friends here too, but am disappointed when they move on because of problems they feel they experience in chat. Some people feel they are being ignored, maybe sometimes it is justified I don't know, but sometimes the room is very busy and we gets engrossed in some banter and those who are sitting back don't feel included. it isn't intentional I am sure, we all have to chip in when and where we can to keep it on a roll. When there are a lot of people in the room it is hard to keep track of who comes and who goes.
    If someone feels they need support they just need to make that comment, and I am sure the room will give whatever help they can. I personally have never seen a time when that request has been ignored by members in the room.
    It would be a great shame if we lost the chatroom, it can be of great importance for many who lack support at home,or a useful way of dealing with chronic pain for others, whatever our reason for turning up each day for our daily dose of SH chat it is too good to lose.

    Liz x

    Liz, Spine-health Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • I as well enjoy the chat. It's helped me through my surgery and now physical therapy, as well as any issues that come up.

    The chat conversations travel fast, but I can say whenever someone new enters the room more often then not attention turns toward them and their needs.

  • I have to say that the first day I went into chat, everyone was very nice. They stopped whatever conversations there were having and asked about me and what kind of back problems I am dealing with.
    I have continued to stop by chat different time of day and night and enjoy seeing how others are doing.
    Thanks for giving everyone a chance to enjoy chatting.
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