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Where am I and how did I get here, things were so good before.

Bob in the forestBBob in the forest Posts: 287
edited 12/27/2012 - 5:26 PM in Chronic Pain
Seems like it was just yesterday when everything was going great. Then I had an accident at work. My leg started dragging behind me as I walked. Pain, this pain was something so hard to block with my mind. I've grit my teeth so hard to put up with it, that I've grounded down my teeth flat. The operation #1, at first i started crying as I woke up coming out of surgery saying to the nurses that I don't have that pain. This was promising. Not to learn to walk again and a 90 days in bed while I healed. Found that kissing my wife made me want to urinate. Brushing my teeth did the same. As I healed and learn to walk the pain seem to increase over time. Pain pills! lots of pain pills. Antidepressant's too because my manhood was slowly slipping a way. My wife had her need while I was still in bed healing so she thought it was OK to see other people to fulfill her urges. That sickness and health didn't mean to much to her. When she caught he father cheating on her mother as a child, it was ingrained into her that that was acceptable. Standing for any period of time has been my delema. When the doctor looked into what I was still having pain he said it was forming scare tissue and I needed another operation. Still wondering if it could have been done with a endoscope and not the massive hole carved into my back damaging all those tendons. I had to except what was going on and hoped that I'd get better. Well it didn't but for only a short period of time but it still had the limitations and pain medications. I liked dancing and picked that back up for a few years but then the pain started getting to intense again. Stronger pills and more pills. The last bone doctor said to fix the problem I'd need major back reconstruction surgery which would take two days to complete, going in through the front and back. Then there's all the hard wear they put in your back which would leave me perfectly stiff. For now he said we will just treat you with medication. The antidepressants have been doubled a couple weeks back and feeling better in my spirits. Still those thought do cross my mind where it would be better to end things. I was down to about 1 to 1 1/2 hours of standing until the cortisone shot in my back this week, which really helped out. The Kadian time release morphine seems to help a little bit too. It takes about 2 hours in the morning after waking up to stabbing pains of laying on the heating pad before I can stand to make a cup of coffee. Then it's back to the heating pad for several more hours to get my back and hips warmed up enough for another cup of coffee. Then I'll turn my computer on. I'm limited to a 1/2 hour to a couple hours of sitting before I need to take a break and lay back down on the heating pad. I looked at the last MRI next to the latest one I got last week an things just look worse every time I see them. Lifting things is a real trick and I try to use mechanical advantage. Living on SSI has been very hard and limits the doctors I can see or travel. I'm so lucky to be here in paradise where I don't want to leave. Driving takes it's toll on my back so I'm limited to a ten miles round trip and don't do that very often. Life is so different from being able to hop on the Harley and travel like I once did. The bikes are all gone and that love of my life is gone. Anyone that can keep a marriage going while going through this where things just keep getting worse. Money is a factor for depression too. I used to buy and sell computers and would have a new one every few weeks. Now my computers so old that I can't even run the newer programs. I put up with the older computer and the software I have. Doing work outside like taking care of the place takes so long to do anything. What would take a half day now takes days to weeks. I have to surrender to my predicament and know it's not doing to get any better. I'm not even trying to get involved with anyone because I don't want to put then through what I put my wife through. It's so hard for anyone to understand what you are going to and your pain levels. My big happiness right now is photographing the wildlife here along with the trees and flowers. That's something simple and something I can afford. There's always those thoughts in the back of your mind that you know you can't do anything about. New Computer, hope the car will keep running, want of a better cameras, add things to my telescope. At least seeing and interacting with the wildlife is a joy. Whether it's the deer, the skunks, the raccoons or turkeys some how they recognize that I'm damaged and cut me a lot of slack. Then there's the presents you try to have with others where it doesn't look like your disabled. I finally got the disability plate for the car because my ego stopped me from getting that. Now it's the back brace and knee braces just to walk and try not to limp. Hide at home where no one sees me to see what a mess I'm in. Sure as I read another post, those thoughts cross your mind all the time but the sane part is you keep them as thoughts. Very hard to keep my mellow zen like personality going at times. Crying, I stopped doing that years ago, eyes ran out of tears.

Out At Bob's
http://outatbobs.spaces.live.com
http://picasaweb.google.com/Outatbobs
http://www.flickr.com/photos/outatbobs/

Nature pictures taken here which keeps my mind in the plus zone.
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Comments

  • What beautiful pictures, you have talent and have some sort of special ability to get that close to the animals. Now, I have to admit I'm not a raccoon or skunk fan, but one of my favorite things to do is to go deer watching at a local forest preserve. It somehow is true, the animals sense that we are not threats. Don't know how, don't know why, don't care, I just appreciate it.

    I have had a hard time, and still am, in mourning for the loss of my old life. I teeter-totter between anger, denial, depression, and grief. I strive for accepting the "chronic pain" label because I think only after I accept that will I be able to heal mentally.

    I get tired of the fake smile for the "normals" and the little tricks we do so that they don't notice how much we hurt. I get tired of them noticing I am different. I finally gave in to handicapped tag but NOT plates. If I'm having a good day I want to be able to park in a normal spot and not be singled out. I've got a long way to go in acceptance.

    I'm on anti-depressants and trying to get biofeedback approved by work comp. In my mind, when the pain gets bad, I take myself to my happy place. I think biofeedback would help me do that better.

    Marriage has had some rough spots for me, too. Five surgeries in less than 2 years is way too many. Been to marriage counseling, lucky for me hubby still around but I know he feels the strain of having to do extra. I feel like I need to be careful so he doesn't give up on me. I guess I've got to first figure out how not to give up on myself.

    I don't really have any words of wisdom or magic wishes to grant for you, but some of your words ring so true that I had to respond. Please continue to update your website, you truly have talent. I cannot drive right now so it can give me a visual of the forest preserve I like so much.

    Angie
  • i had a bit of a cry reading your post {i am often a little weepy when i am up in pain {every night at around 3 am } i can identify with a lot of what you have said regarding your wife and self esteem and other things in your well written post .i do feel for you and other in the same boat i have not yes seen your pictures but i will as photograph is a passion of mine too .i am going to give you my email should you wish to communicate at any time feel free to do so .take care tony.beer1@googlemail.com
    STRAKER
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  • I am in bed- struggling- reading your email and i am crying for both of us. I do not see any light thru this tunnel. I asked God to take me last night. I guess asking him isn't enuf because I am still here in Earth.My marriage is lousy, and everything I just loved I can no longer do. Just daily living hurts- only in bed am I OK. I live on meds of all kinds and I'm fed up. I am envious of your beautiful pictures- they bring me so much pleasure. Just beautiful, simple pictures make me cry. You are not alone- I am out here in this with you. I wish there was a place where we could all live and give each other love and support in BackWorld-lol.
  • Welcome to Spine-health. I have to admit I sat here crying reading your post and the replys to it. I try not to let my pain, etc. get me down and can keep a happy face on when I need to, but once in a while I think we all need a good cry because it's not fair that we have to hurt so much. I know there are people way worse off, but it's ok to pout now and then I think. I used to be very athletic. Now I'm so far in the other direction!

    I have had three back surgeries and am now waiting for my SCS which hopefully will be May 1st. Later in the summer I am supposed to get a cervical fusion. This all on top of having an unexpected partial colectomy in January for an intestinal blockage and then infection which kept me in the hospital much of the month. They couldn't do it laproscopically so I have a lovely 8 inch scar up my front to match the three up my back (and various others) Enough already!

    I looked at your photos Bob. They are beautiful. You are very talented. It's nice that you have something so peaceful to help you escape your pain now and then. My escape is playing with my 10 month old granddaughter as often as I can. I used to baby sit her once a week, but gave it up when I got sick in January.

    I wish you well and please come back in here often. I have learned that this is a great group of people and it's nice to know we are not alone in our situations. Though it sure would be nice if we could all wake up pain free one of these days! Hang in there!

    Diane
  • Was a good summer last year and I was actually getting things done. Got a cortisone shot in Sept. Went back to see Dr. Chris and get shots in my knees of knee juice. Three shots, one per week for three weeks. That' when I asked Chris if I could get a shot in my thumb. My left hand had a large bump, a bone spur Chris said and there's a operation for that. Great, i was loosing my grip on hammers and had a hard time opening jars. It was getting late in the year and I figured once the rain started I won't be working outside. I started fixing up the cellar, plaster the concrete walls and paint them white. I stapled old feed bags to the ceiling to keep the insulation from falling down and it looked like an upholstered ceiling. The bags are white so it was nice and bright. I wired the place up and have compact lights all over. Have a radio there and my air tools plus some storage of boxes. So, I felt good going into fall and listened to Chris about the Thumb surgery. It's an out patient surgery so it can't be that bad, I'll still be able to do things in the cellar. Have shelves to put up. So, surgery day. Go in and it's sunny fall day. When I woke up my back was killing me. My upper arm was real sore also. My hand was the size of a softball. Bandaged up, half awake, hand hurts, nurses are giving me shots of morphine and I'm starting to joke with the girl. Morphine is interesting. You still feel the pain but you don't care. So I get home and lay down because they gave me the Michael Jackson knock out juice, propenal, spelled something like that. Dr. J. said, "I'll see you when you wake up and I was out that fast, no counting backwards, just out. So at home I just felt like sleeping. They told me to keep the hand up, this made sleeping rather hard to do. The next day the hand was throbbing, my arm was sore for some reason and my back was really hurting. They had strapped me down, put a tourniquet on my arm to stop the blood. They cut a piece of a tendon from my forearm to make up a triangle shaped object to replace the triangle shaped bone that goes between my thumb and rest of the bones. It helps you get that apposing thumb that humans are famous for.
    Had to step outside and feed the herd and flock. Momma girl is so pregnant so it Pretty Girl. The deer are standing back from the turkeys, the hens are here too. Mr. Friend is turning out to be a great leader of the herd. Everyone is learning so much.
    So sleeping with this club shaped hand where you couldn't do much with except place it out of the way. This made me sleep funny. I had one arm to help me turn over and it was working over time. Was using plastic bags to cover my cast so it wouldn't get wet taking a shower something I have to do every morning plus I have to wash me hair. I just can't go out in public even if it was only the animals here. So something funny happened to my back while trying to sleep funny. My back was hurting because I was strapped down on that table and now I was sleeping funny. It was about two weeks into this recovery and had four more with this cast on. There's these little bones on the spine that help keep it lined up and not falling off the pile of bones, they are called facets. There's nerve running between them and from sleeping funny it cause inflammation, that cause intense pain which kept me from moving except in one direction forward and backwards. No side to side movements at all without shooting pains where you feel like your going to pass out. At first being a man, I thought it would go away in a day or two. Two weeks later the pain was the same, no change at all. I was having a hard time getting out of bed, hard time raising to stand, saw bent at a 90 degree angle and not going any where. I got to the doctor and got steroids, prednisone. It started to help with the inflammation in one day. I think I took two pills a day for a week then the pain was coming back like I hadn't done anything. Made it to the bone doctor to have a look at me hand and told him about my back and that prednisone was working but I ran out of them. He gave me a prescription but these were a bit different. Same amount of days but the first day you took about 6 or 7 pills. The next day it was one less until they were gone. It was in a blister pack so you couldn't mess up. This did help me and the pain almost completely went away. I could stand up again but had this cast on but it was going to come off soon. The girl called me to remind me to come in and I asked if we could take it off today. No, you have to wait till Monday. I was hating that smelly cast, I itched, I could take a shower, I could type on the keyboard with one hand. So I get the cast off and my wrist was so stiff, I wanted to wash my arm right there in the office, the stinking skin was falling off when you rubbed it. So it's sunny after raining for weeks and was going to start up this weekend. I'm sort of driven to do things hurting and all because the accomplishments would make me feel good something I found out that summer. It was like the pain didn't matter because I got something done. Then the weekend came and I'm thinking the weather guys were wrong again but I had been shopping and the cabinets and fridge were full. I just picked out a hundred pack of DVD's and started backing up my the hard drives. I got a lot of the photos off, I had 80 plus gigs of photos and needed space. I also found this site with open source software, it was free and there was a lot of it. I got every operating system that was there along with programs that went with the operating systems. openSUSE 11.1 I found was the easiest and had the most on it because it was a DVD, that's a long download. So I made up install disks for all the operating systems. Made back ups off all the programs, all this cool Linux and Windows programs all free. I made 20+ DVD's of photos and 20+ of programs plus the operating systems. Then the lights browned a bit and flickered then the power was off and would stay off for the next week. It took longer to get the phone and DSL working again. I grabbed a flash light and looked outside, it had been snowing for hours and caused a ponderosa pine to break off 30 feet from the top and fall across the power and phone lines, that was at the north end of the property about 300 yards away. I found this out the next day, Monday December 4th. So there was white everywhere and the trees were dropping over touching the ground and if they couldn't bend they would break. All night I was hearing the sound of trees breaking and snow hitting the ground with a big thump. The house felt like it would shake every time this happened. I noticed the deer were coming here while it was snowing, they needed food other wise they would freeze to death. I usually know everyone but there were some I saw that grew up here as a baby and went out after getting antlers. One deer's antlers was damaged. One of them was bent down almost to his mouth, the side of his face was all bloody. The regulars were all here plus the rest of the herd. They weren't fighting, and hardly moved when I came out. The look on there faces was more fear then hunger. I'd sweep the table off and cover one side with grain and they ate like they haven't eaten in days. That was the only way they were going to stay warm too. The trees were bare and the grass was all covered. There was 24 feet of snow every where and drifts up to 3 feet. My car was covered and looked like a big snow ball. I really got dressed up to go out on Monday. Had my riding gear on that covered my legs and it went up to my chest. put on my gadders over my boot and was wearing my big boot, the Swiss army boot. A boot with in a boot and very insulated I couldn't feel the cold at all. Had my down jacket one and knit cap and gauntlet gloves from my riding days, back when my back was a lot better. I walked along the power lines sort of. I could see the pole and the wires were hanging loose. The top of the transformer was ripped off and one insulators was gone. I was all nice and warm but walking in deep snow that sticks wore me out after the first 50 feet and I had a bit to go. The road was covered with trees dropping over so I was ducking under then and moving as fast as I could. Clumps of snow would release and fall from the trees knocking other branches cascading the works down. It was a total fluke storm. I've never seen anything like this the ten years here. I got up to where the tree broke off and hit the lines, now it was a u-turn and back. I was taking pictures of everything but that's another story. I got back and got the numbers to PG&E and ATT and walked up to the neighbors house because he's got a cell phone. That was out but his home phone worked. The towers had been damaged all over the county. I made my calls. ATT took note and said they would get here when they could. PG&E told me to walk to the gate and open it so the crew could get through, they will be right out. Well they weren't of someone locked the gate after I left. I had to walk almost a 1/2 mile in that snow and my back was really telling me about it. My minds telling me to rest and if I did that I just might fall asleep and freeze. Push on back to the house. Got the camp stove out and cooked dinner and listened to the radio. Not much else to do but sleep and it was only about 8 PM. My new LED flash lights were great. I had one one for a week and the AAA batteries were still working. The next day I here a rumbling sound then guys talking. I couldn't see them because the trees were covering the road. Then two guys in a 4x4 with big tires and chains came blasting through the snow. They were on a scouting party coming to check on my outage. We pulled the tap off my car and that removed just about all the snow. I shoveled a place open to move the car. The guys pushed and I had the engine going and the car moved about 12 feet. Two days later a crew came up with about 10 guys. In about 5 hours they had a new transformer on the pole with to new cross arms. The patch the wire and pulled it together with the help of the truck backing up and a long rope. They had to cut down some trees to pull the wires through but I didn't care I wanted power. This corner where the lines all met up took out a big area of houses east and north of me because the breakers had all blown. So when I went to turn things on some things worked and some didn't. My phone never worked again either did my TV and for my computer, one drive was damaged when the heads hit the platter. The computer wouldn't boot and Ive been working on it ever since. Installing Windows XP I don't know how many times. I'm in the safe mode. But back to the damaged trees. Two apple trees fell over. I cut the top of the trees off and trimmed them up. With ropes and cables I pulled them up. They are tied to three trees and it's standing up real nice. Blossoms are blooming and it looks like it's going to make it. So I started cutting all the left over branches into small pieces and putting them in a wheel barrel. I walked them to the north end where I have a scrap pile of other branches and cuttings. I made three trip then picked up everything and put it in the wheel barrel. The one extension ladder was the heaviest one but I got everything to the house and put away. The next day I had a hard time moving, getting out of bed, walking to the couch, my right hip was killing me so was my knee. I'd try to stand leaning left but then my left leg would start burning. I'd sit down and I could feel the burning slowly moving out of my right leg. So that's what I've been doing, looking at the ceiling and trying not to move anything, not even a finger. Have a cortisone shot lined up. Having shots in my knees going. The doctor looked at my MRI and said it looks like a hundred year old spine, no, older. He also said it's the worst spine he's ever seen. Then he said he's not just saying that but it is the worst spine he ever saw. He asked if I wanted to do surgery and hoped I wouldn't say yes. He told me I was to young to have a back this bad looking. So it's pain pills and not much else until I get a cortisone shot. Working with my wildlife is the only time I feel that the pain leaves me because I'm so concentrated of them giving them something special friendship. To see the deer smile when I come out, my little albino girl raccoon who is just the cutest thing. My skunks come running up to me and lick me on the nose, I'm laying on the floor at the door. Spring is coming if this foul weather would get out of here. Oh, lets not forget the bear that came to visit on Dec. 24th and slept on the porch, that was so special, the look in his eyes as he was looking at me.
    Have a new site.
    http://outatbobs.spaces.live.com
    http://picasaweb.google.com/Outatbobs
    http://www.flickr.com/people/outatbobs/
    http://outatbobs.blogspot.com/
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  • From being depressed over not being able to move, walk, stand, sit, and the list is always expanding. The thought going through my mind, it's terrible, glad you can't hear them. The little things that set this pinched nerve flare up are so minor that I'm really hating life. The why me's are going through my head constantly. After watching some of the crime shows on TV, those twisted ideas go through my mind. Can't get any twisted ideas like the crime shows so they seem to help put ideas in my head. I keep wondering how my father has gone through this same deal and is still living, not so well at 92 but his side of the family has long genes. My grandmother died at 106. Thinking that, I wonder how I'm going to make it that long and what I might do, especially after seeing a crime dramas. How am I going to keep from doing something stupid. I've been dealing with pain for 20 years since the first surgery. Right now it's the pinched nerve I'm dealing with that's causing my right hip to be in so much pain. Made a cup of coffee this morning. I could stand there why it was brewing, I laid back down. Just pouring water into the coffee maker I had to lean on the counter then switched to the step stool. I heard the coffee maker finishing and I didn't want to move, I just wanted to lay there motionless. I forced myself to get the coffee and it was still somewhat hot. Getting back to the couch I'm sitting with my chest resting on my arms resting on my knees. The phone rings, it's the doctors office telling me that prednisone wouldn't help me. I called them last Thursday, glad they could get back to me in a timely manor. Drinking the coffee and wanting to hurry up so I could lay down again. Phone rings again, insurance company wanting me to get a three month supply of drugs mailed to me saying it's cheaper. My co-pays the same but it's cheaper. After taking to the woman and having to walk to get my insurance card in my pants pocket and walk back tell here all the info she tells me I need to talk to someone else to order the drugs. OK, thanks for calling and she repeats thanks for calling. No you called me, I said. OK, back to coffee and now is just warm so I can pour it down. After laying down and listening to a few hours of radio I turned on the computer and returned to the couch. Lets patch up with flector patches. They work pretty good and fast too. Doesn't get rid of the pain like all the meds but makes it more tolerable.

    The rain just stopped been having another winter storm. Need the water by why doesn't it come in winter. I think were in the 123% right now for the year and I have water in my creek again after not for 4 years. I lost a cherry tree a couple weeks ago with the last storm when it snowed. The girls are here, my female deer and their babies. Getting brighter out. Cherry trees still laying across the road.

    I'm wondering how many more times I'm going to wakeup with a pinched nerve again. The last two years have been rather difficult for me. Real hard to be smiling at anything. I've found myself staring out the window at the birds for long periods not moving a finger. Moving seem to set off the pinched nerve. So does standing and walking. Driving in the car isn't very good either. I was a passenger and closed me eyes trying to think my way out of the pain. I live in the mountains so it's already a beautiful place. I try to blank my mind from thinking anything. I have to say, reading other peoples problems does make me feel grateful that I'm still mobile sort of. I wish I could get medical things right now like going shopping but it's like mail order, have to wait for an open day. Going to the doctors tomorrow for the second shot in my knee. I hope this give me another 6 months without knee pain. Then it's dealing with the cortisone shot on the 21st which feel like an eternity away. Better lay down and watch the news and try to be grateful but that's pushing it.

    Smiles
    Bob
  • Really having problems and it's very painful. Taking morphine 4 times a day and Norco 6 times a day. Pain meds don't really do there job. Seems it's worse in the evening when I'm making dinner because I'm on my feet. Pain Management doctor said I should think about surgery. The orthopedic doctor made a reference to surgery also. I've been spending most of the time these days on my back or side but laying down. I don't like the idea of going through major surgery, not when they are going to go through the front of me and back of me. Worried about the recovery time. Will I be able to tie my shoes after surgery. Living alone it will be hard to do everything. Worry about my animals, they're not pets but wild animals that I made friends with that sort of depend on me. The deer will be fine, the turkeys and raccoons will be fine but I don't know about my little stinkers, my skunks. I raised them from babies and that's all they come to when I call since I did that when they were babies. The raccoons will come and go. They show up once in a while and will also come to "Babies." The one I worry about the most is the albino raccoon female. She's a real cute little girl, smaller then the rest. I think she's pregnant. I have three pregnant deer also.
    I've been sitting with a pillow under one cheek to cause my hips to lean and I'll try sitting up straight. This takes pressure off the pinched nerve. It's not perfect but it's better then nothing.

    I've heard about the Cage type Fusion and going to see if I could get a couple levels done to stabilize me. There are some levels that are flat and undistorted from wear. If I got a level done with the cage it would lift my spine apart and stabilize that section. Then I'd wait until that heals up and see how it is. If I could get a couple levels done, mainly L1-L2 and L2-L3 that would be what I'd start with. The next level would be L3-L4 where there's no space or disk. The recovery time would be a lot faster then carving a big hole in my back. The L3 level is the one that's causing the hip pain. If I could get that taken care of I'd be fine, sort of.
  • I do have to admit you are one of the first posts I have read in a long time that really brings the pain and suffering all into focus. As straker wrote you are very well written.

    I can only share my experience in how I deal with it. While no one is in the same situation we all have to
    deal with loss when it comes to the chronic pain game.

    I have decided mentally now after a year that there is no "fix". I will never be my old self cause even if I recover physically I will never recover mentally. Therefore I look to myself as "re-born", the old js is gone and here is the new one. They are not the same person and this is my new lifestyle and world.

    Next I have found in my journey that we need purpose and for most it is their family. I believe based upon your posts that the critters outside your home are your new family. They depend on you so you must do all you can for them. If surgery is the way you can fulfill that than I think you should think heavily about doing it. Those guys need you.

    My birthday used to be 8/22/1965, now I consider 3/6/2009 my new birthday...that is when my life started over again...
    I am now trying to make the most out of this new life.

    -js
  • I've gone through a few things in my life where either I put myself in a life and death situation or where I became deathly ill and pulled through. Stopped my drinking and drugging over 25 years ago. I was real sick then from the abuse. My liver was real beat down, 1% functional when I left the hospital but I was feeling so much better after not drinking or using drugs. Then had the surgeries which had another side, I'd get better and back to normal. My second surgery I went to give my blood for the surgery and they called me back and said I had Hep C. They just came out for a test and now were screening the blood for Hep C but not before the surgeries I had before this. the doctor told me at the time the virus wasn't doing anything, that it might affect me 10 years from now. Ten years later it effected me. At first I was just feeling really tired. The doctor was giving me a vitamin b shot but after about 6 month he said I'm going to run some tests. The Hep C count was off the chart. They could read any higher in quantity. So faced death again. Was working a contract so didn't have medical. When they found out was sick they drop me like a hot potato. My back hurt from time to time and it seems it was getting worse. I had longer periods where it hurt. Sort of came to a point where you say, I'm ready to cross the great river to the happy hunting grounds. I went around saying good by to everyone, giving my things away. Doing the interferon treatment, you almost want to die going through that. Made my way up here and found this place. Remembered it from many years before when I first came through here on my bike. Except this time the housing boom had struck. I found this humble little place on 7.5 acres. Didn't know I was going to meet all these great friends. When I first moved here I though of them as animals but seeing the way they treated each other the caring they showed each other it changed my mind. They aren't pets because I don't own them. They are free to come and go. It's safe here so they hang out. I have a lot of fruit trees that they like. The skunks get what I'm having or cat food. I sure enjoy watching them all, interacting with them. When I'm laying on the floor in front of the door with the skunks or last year the baby raccoons I don't seem to have pain. Do get cramps at time. I don't know, it must be the joy I feel being with them that my mind blocks out the pain. I've always been one to deal with a lot of pain and just walk it off. This is something you don't walk off because you can't walk. I'd like to find a way of putting my mind in this joyful state to block the pain. I'm thinking I could get the cages put in and stabilize a couple levels. That would space the vertebrae apart and keep the little bones from banging together. They sound like Ferrets but they are on the spine. From what I've read here that works and recover time isn't that long. Being flung off a ladder didn't help matters. That's when everything has gone down hill even faster. That happened two years ago and it seem the pain would just come and go depending on what I did. Now I'm to a point I'm getting these pinched nerves. Last November I rolled over in bed and heard some crunching and had a pinched nerve when I woke up. The last two times I don't know what happened. I did cut the weeds down on the road and got tired, when I woke up the next day my hip was hurting again. Knees going too. Why my back and knee are painful at the same time, that puzzles me. I remember the other pinched nerve, I stood up two apple trees grown together that fell over in last December's freak snow storm. I took my time, didn't stress, did it over four days so I wouldn't hurt myself. I cut off a lot of the trees to lighten them up. I used ropes and cables so I wouldn't have to do any work. Cutting up the left over parts, I cut everything into sticks about a foot long. I made three trips to the north end of the property with the wheel barrel, didn't even put much in the wheel barrel. Was totally easy and again I was tired and sweaty, woke up with a pinched nerve. It's that L3 area that's causing it. I need to talk to a doctor about using the endoscope. I just can't stay laying down for the years to come. It's even hard sitting here typing. I was one of those people that sat at the computer typing for 18 hours a day with no problem. Going have to figure out how to put my spine picture here. Have one from the flouroscope. The MRI's are really bad, my doctor goes over them with me. How we could be laughing while he said it was the worst spine he ever saw, that it looks over a hundred years old. Have to lay down on the heating pad before I go to bed.


    You have to see the little buddies. Their eyes tell the whole story.
    http://www.flickr.com/photos/outatbobs/page1/
    http://picasaweb.google.com/Outatbobs
  • Although we all know the pain is a daily thing, wouldn't it be nice if we could just throw a switch every once in a while to stop it all. A nice walk in the wilderness would be refreshing without the pain. Throw the switch!!! Bit since thats not feasible in life, the only switch to throw is in our mind. I can get alot of things done when i set my mind to it. But the end run is i know i'm going to pay for it when its over. I am still barely making it through my 8 hour work days. But as soon as i get into my truck for the ride home I'M DONE. Off to my recliner until bed time. Funny but Bob, sometimes i enjoy your peaceful forest abode. It may be just in my mind ,but i can sense the serenity and smell nature.
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