I feel an attack coming on... well, it's already started... mind racing, heart pounding, body shaking, can't breathe... I know it's because I'm to start work again in two days, after 4 months off. I haven't had an attack in about as long (well, except for right before my surgery...) I don't want to go back!! I'm in the military, and they've moved me to a new position. I'm in the biggest unit in the canadian forces, and the busiest (people always going everywhere in the world). My new job consists of ensuring that all the administration and pay for these people are up to date, and to support them administratively while they are away. The hardest part is sending people off overseas, not knowing if they'll be back in my office again. Brings back a lot of scary and painful memories. The only thing keeping me going is that my new boss worked with me on my first tour in Afghanistan. She is wonderful and if I have to go back, she's the one I want to work with!
My medical file is going to be sent to our defense headquarters next month, for a medical review. I am hoping for a medical release (there are so many benefits that go with that) and I'm pretty sure I will get it, with my neck problems, leg problems, and anxiety/ptsd. It's just such a long wait to find out, months, and I just wish I could fast forward to next year and skip all this. I'm working on getting my diploma for addicitions counselling, and will go to university after to get my degree. I can't wait. I am so proud to wear our uniform, but it comes with a lot of unwanted extras now.
I just need to breathe.... but feel a little better letting it out, thanks for listening (or should I say reading)...
Peace and love, be well
APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own