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how long do u need to wait for "relations?"

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:32 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery

i have done a forum search about back pain/surgery and "relations" (okay, sex, i said it) aftewards, but they all seem to have been posted and discussed at least months ago. i'd like to open a discussion again, because my surgery is friday and i need advice.

i am a female. age 25. will be having L5/S1 fusion surgery from the front (anterior). embarrassed to ask my doctor (yet not embarrassed to ask mass public, hmmmm...) about my sex life afterwards.

anyone who had similar fusion surgery--did your doctor broach the "relations" topic at all? did you ask? and how long did you wait to "do it" after the surgery? are you still waiting because it hurts too much? any advice or tips in general when it comes to the actual act? i don't want pain, don't want him to feel guilty for putting me in pain, but also want to have a "love" life! we will be getting married this october! it can't end already!


  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 11,348
    But your question and topic comes up so many times. People even doctors are sometime afraid to discuss this situation.
    I dont have the answers, but I do know it is a topic that should be discussed with your doctor from a health and safety point.
    My wife runs a Pulmonary Rehab center and deals with COPD patients... Many are in the 70's and the topic of sex comes up often. There are always safe ways to do this.
    For Spinal patients recently fused, you just need to ask your doctor how long? before we can?
    Your doctor should and needs to address this type of situation. It sounds like you want the answers, so its just a matter of getting your doctor to talk to you about this .

    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I didn't even think about asking questions on the topic of sex because I was in so much pan before surgery.

    My surgeon's assistant told me how long (2 weeks) we should wait to have sex. She brought up the topic and at the first post Op visit, she reminded me that we could start having sex.

    I had microdiscectomy.
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  • when the time is right. I had a three-level fusion and it's not something I would have even considered for the first two and a half months, but I was so horribly stiff and painful. Hopefully, it will be a much easier recovery for you and you will be able to get back to your normal love life much sooner.


    3 level spinal fusion, L3/4, L4/5, L5/S1, November 2008. Stiff, but I can walk.
  • I was told sex was fine so long as I wasn't the one doing any of the work ;)
  • but it wasn't much fun until i reached the 3 month mark. let the other one do the work.
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  • (microdiscectomy and 2 level fusion), I never asked any of my surgeons about post op sex :D I figured I'd give it a try when waiting was no longer an option from my hubby's point of view...JUST KIDDING... :D Actually I let it happen when I was comfortable. Honestly I can't remember when exactly it was when I tried...maybe 2 months after? Having sex after a fusion is like climbing Mt Everest- very difficult. Candidly I must say that the "spoon" position is best and that you should let your partner do all the "work". NO missionary....the one with the back problem shouldn't be on the bottom I think....or is it the top? :? I did read this a long time ago in a library book but forgot the title. Also, I suggest taking your pain med 30 minutes before so it's in your system when you're ready to go.

    That's all folks ;)
  • We tried the first time at about 2 months. My hubby was scared of hurting me and it was a little uncomfortable for me but I hung in there. We tried again a few weeks later and it was better that time...even though he was still concerned about hurting me. I was OK though. Just take it slow. My doctor was going to do a L1-S1 fusion and said that the S1 would make me tilt a different way and that sex might be a little "different" for us. He ended up stopping at L5 though and I think through time we will be OK. good luck to you. I'm sure you will be fine in time.
  • Just tell him you are saving yourself for the wedding! Ok, realistically you will know when you are ready but please ask your doctor. Each person is different and every surgery is too. Congratulations and Best Wishes
  • You are so young. I can only tell you about my own experience. I had a PLIF L4-5 but it was a long complicated surgery. After I read your post, I went back on this forum to check my earlier posts and I saw that at 2 months post op I was worried because my "drive" wasn't what it used to be. Now this may sound a little funny to you at 25 but yes, at 57 we are still "doing it!" And most of us have gotten quite good at "it" LOL.

    Anyway, so much of it will depend on your pain and recovery levels. When you are "ready" you will know it. I think your body is the best indicator in terms of "when" it's ok. My doc didn't discuss this with me but I kinda figured it out myself. Ends up that I think I was around 10 weeks post op that all systems "were go" and it was a shaky takeoff. I was still very tender and my hub and I had to work on different positions on the "launch pad." Hope you don't mind the euphemisms. (sp??)

    Go easy. There are ways of "taking off" that don't necessarily hurt your back so you might consider some test launches first. Really, this is getting so funny I can't believe the way I'm dancing around the issue but......this is a public forum.

    You have the rest of your life to have "take offs" but only one back. Don't push yourself. Just let it sorta occur naturally. I sincerely believe that your body, which will be going through surgery soon, will signal when it's time. It's not about how long you wait or how quickly you "launch." Ron (one of the moderators) replied to my original post that the best approaches is to encourage lots of gentle hugs and kisses and enjoy the intimacy of holding hands and just being together. As usual, he is so right.

    You will be fine. Concentrate on your surgery and recovery. Listen to your back and relax a little. I can assure that that there will be tons of successful "launches" in your future. I'm more than old enough to be your mom and I'm firing on all cylinders - you will just have to be a little careful of your back in recovery. You are in my thoughts and if you have any more specific questions, I am available anytime. Just PM me. Best of luck to you.
  • I am 2 weeks post op PLIF L4L5. It's early morning and I'm waiting for my husband to wake up. I'm lying here wondering, "hmmm, maybe I'm ready". After reading all these posts though, I'm a bit scared off.
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