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My car accident has caused

vgearshiftervvgearshifter Posts: 107
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:33 AM in Matters of the Heart
I am having a really hard time dealing with how much my car accident last year has changed my life. I never had any real back pain in my life until the accident besides for a lot of muscle pain when I had an accident 18 years ago. The accident 18 years, I healed with no damage or pain left at all since a year or two after that one. The guy that caused the new accident walked away with no injuries or his passenger. I walked away with a bad back, more knee damage, a severely sprained wrist and a shoulder injury. I have already had to have more knee surgery, am going for back surgery now and have been told by the insurance company's Orthopedic Surgeon that I need to have my shoulder repaired too. All these injuries have caused me to lose my job that I started two weeks before the accident and now can not work for now. I don't know when or if I will be able to go back to working any time soon. Not working is causing severe financial problems and that is making waves in my relationship. He has been out of work since being laid off due to work shortage and his back. He has a herniation too. All of this starting to cause a real strain on us. I understand I have changed my mood but I am in so much pain it is too hard not to change. I feel bad when I get upset over stupid stuff but in the same token I believe he is acting the same way from his pain. In a lot of ways he is a lot worse but won't admit he is having a problem. He is putting it all on my shoulders and that is making it harder on me. I love this man and want to be with him but I do not know if we can survive this turmoil much more. I can't stand the blaming part. I always have admitted when I do wrong and apologize. I need him right now because I am scared about my back surgery next week. I am scared that it won't help me or make me worse. I don't know what to do any more. I had a friend, that I met on sh, help me this morning but I can't keep burdening her with my problems she has her own. I do see a social worker but I honestly don't know how much she is paying attention to me any more. She writes stuff down but I feel like she isn't really listening to me the way I need. I do need the support but she has her own injuries from an accident that I hear about everytime I am with her. I am not there to hear her problems but my own. So this is part of the reason I am lost on what to do to help my relationship and myself.


  • I know this is hard a rough time. It has been a serious issue for awhile and getting worse. The most important thing I can tell you is to tell him how you feel. The two of you need to talk, ask him how he feels too. IMHO men get just as scared as us but won't admit it. This is undue stress that you don't need right now. The two of you need to go for a walk or be alone and just talk some of this stuff out. What we live through makes us stronger. Harder when your in financial turmoil and the future looks bleek. Explain you don't know how you're going to make it. Explain that you love him and tell him you need his help to work it out. Tell him everything your feeling!! Everyone needs a source to help. On the social worker thing... I have told you before and will tell you now. I really think you should find a new doc a closer one and a new social worker or a therapist to be able to talk these things out with. We're all here if you need us! Candy if you ever need me I am here.

    Take care I wish you nothing but the best and think about you everyday!

  • Being an accident victim myself I can relate to your story. Finding the support you need, even from our loved ones, proves to be harder than it should be.

    Is it possible that your man is actually just as scared about your surgery as you are? Men do tend to try to hide their fears and it often comes off as ignoring us alltogether. My husband is terrified of hospitals and just won't admit it- he consequently made each of my hospital stays more hell than they should have been! Add to that the stress of being off work and being injured himself (men often associate themselves with their work and physical capabilities) and it's got to be a real strain on your relationship.

    I agree that a real sit down is in order. It may help you to write down the issues that you are feeling so that no other things get dragged into the conversation (bills, etc.). Sometimes we put on a braver face than we realize and perhaps he doesn't see how frightened you really are.

    I'm glad that you...well, that all of us, have Spine Health here to talk about these things. You need to have a talk with your social worker and tell her that the focus needs to be on YOU during your therapy. She may not even realize that she's talking about herself as much as she is.

    If you need to talk I'm a post or a pm away. Good luck with all that you have on your plate.

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  • Thanks for the advice everyone. He is worried found that out last night. He didn't out right say it but told me he will miss me not sleeping beside him.

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