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I struggle with low self-esteem because of using narcotics!! Do you?



  • My heart goes out to you cuz I know how you feel. Maybe you need to take the meds regularly and not skip a dose, that way you are not chasing your pain. If you wait until you are in major pain before taking your meds, it's harder to bring the pain down. If you have chronic pain everyday and all day then you should be on some longer acting controlled release med (this is just my opinion my the way).

    I would try to skip doses quite a while back cuz I didn't want to take them due to the hard time I get from my husband and parents about taking pain meds but it was harder to control my pain when waiting until the pain was too far out of control.

    I hope I am making sense. Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions, comments or just need someone to chat with.
    Dedalus said:
    I feel guilty and down on myself for the small amount of meds that I take. My problems aren't nearly as bad an other people's here and I constantly wonder how much of my pain is in my head. So, every day I fight with myself and don't take my meds until I am in enough pain that I can't stand it. I am afraid to tell any doc how much this pain is effecting my life, because I don't want 1) to be seen as a drug seeker or 2) to be given more than the moderate amount of drugs that I have now. I am terrified of becoming an addict if I ask for more. But I am still missing some work each month due to pain. I just don't know what to do. I'm a 37 year old husband and father of 2 beautiful daughters and sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night. I feel my life is out of my control and I am totally at a loss for where to go from here.
  • I'm confused. You're a physican, a chronic pain patient and you still don't seem to understand that chronic pain is a disease. It's no different than hypertension, diabetes or any other chronic illness.
    It needs to be treated ethically, and with appropriate mediations. One physican told me that when he was in medical school, treating pain was like treating a fever, find out what causes the fever and treat the problem Little was understood about pain when it was chronic and benign.
    Maybe I've been lucky, I've had some very compassionate people caring for me. They never question my motives or treat me like a drug seeker. They seem to realize that a lot of people like me, work, have families, have outside interests and also have pain.
    Honesty has worked well for me. I also have reasonable expectations. I'll never be without pain, but as least it's manageable. When it flares up, I tell the doctor and we deal with it. When I have improvement, we back off of the meds and I move on.
    Overall, I'm doing ok, not great, but ok..
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  • I have a love-hate relationship with my medications.
    I love them when they help me, when my back pain has ceased enough for me to do the dishes, pick up my daughter, clean my house.
    I love them when I feel decent enough to pick up the phone and talk to friends and family instead of ignoring the call because dealing with anything seems like too much.
    I hate them when I get looks for a pharmacist or a tech. I hate them when I get a lecture from an ER doctor about presenting myself with "invisible pain" (anything they can't see with a naked eye i.e. a broken leg) and "addiction".
    Compared to many people I am not on alot of medication.
    If I get the crap I do about my doses, I wonder what some of you on much stronger medications have gone through. It's terrible.
    My step-father (who is now dead) was a "pill popper". He would take like 30 soma and 30 vicodin at a time. He would pass out for hours and be so messed up that he would urinate and deficate on himself while zonked out. He was looking for the high and the escape.
    WE are looking for relief and quality of life, a sense of normality. Because of people like my step-father...we suffer, and it's not fair.
    He died and his well-to-do parents didn't give a crap during his life about what he was up to, despite the warnings closest to him. They want to shift them blame off of him, so they pulled his Rx records and determined that he was being given "WAY too many pills". They filed suit against his doctor, and now that doctor either cannot prescribe certain medications ever, or for a specific time frame, I am not sure.
    I told her "the doctor and the pharmacy didn't put them in his mouth 60 or more at a time...that was his doing".
    She didn't like that much.
    Those that don't abuse unfortunately suffer because of those that do.
    I have a new doctor as of today, and for the first time I have signed a pain contract. I was a little irritated because of course I get the lecture right off. But I'm hoping that once I go through all the testing he asks me for, and gets my records from previous doctors, he will see that this is something I've addressed at every angle. I have tried several things to help with pain. I'm hoping that he will trust me and treat me better shortly. It's becoming very hard to deal with the scrutiny. I am simply doing the best I can to have as normal a life as possible.
  • Wow, you have been through so much at such an early age. It really is difficult dealing with this when you are young. I think the stigma of pain meds is even worse when you are younger. I'm 31 (will be 32 next month) and really having a hard time accepting this at times.

    Your post is so similar to how I feel. I'm sorry to hear about your step-father. I can't imagine taking that many pills at once. I'd be dead. It does suck that those are the ones that ruin it for us that are really suffering in pain and depend on these meds to help cope with our chronic pain.

    Please feel free to PM me if you have any questions or would just like to chat with someone who understands what you are going through.
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