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What people don't see!

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,321
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:37 AM in Matters of the Heart
My topic is what people don't see in 30 minutes to a couple hours when with me. They see me smile, laugh and joke. I find a chair with a good back so I will be comfortable and able to see everyone . I sit for as long as I can until I have to move or get up. I take a pill if it gets real bad. I just end up really wishing I was just home sitting in my lazy boy so I am not causing myself more pain. I dread riding for long periods anywhere. If someone asked how I am doing I say fine. Do they really want to know. If I told them they would just think I was exagerating. I wait for the first one to leave then I am out of there. My son gets ill with others when they say things like you don't look like you have any problems. He will say you just aren't with her 24/7 if so you wouldn't say that. My little hero. I don't visit family like I want to because of this. Only holidays and stuff. I have been divorced for 2 years. I have posted myself on a dating site but only to remove myself after a few turn downs because of my physical problems. Everything else was perfect. With out even meeting me it was a no! Wow, not good for the moral. It's just lonely living with this on a daily basis. Like the old saying misery loves company. Just kidding! LOL!

About me! I have been off the this site for a long time. I am a 50+ women. This is my 7th year living with pain from a accident. I ruptured two discs plus a few other breaks and bruises. I had two surgeries to repair the damage to my neck C4/5 but still living with pain. I am really needing to talk or let go sometimes so I thought I would let it go here. I don't let it out at home around my son it is enough he sees me in pain. I journal to release but it's much nicer being able put things out there for people to learn, relate or just laugh at! My best medicine right now is as much comedy as possible!



  • I hear you! Just because I walked at the mall for my kids one day, people think I am fine. They don't see that I am on the couch/bed for 2-3 days after.

    Humor is helpful. I've found a few bumper stickers I like, though I tend to have a sarcastic sense of humor sometimes:

    I'll trade you my handicapped parking spot for my disabling chronic illness.

    I look fine? Hmm, I feel like crap.

    My disabling chronic illness is more real than your imaginary medical expertise.

    Anyway, welcome back to SH. I'm sure your experience can only add to the community and hope you can find some kindred spirits here.
  • j.howiejj.howie Brentwood, Ca., USAPosts: 1,745
    True, true, true All of your comments. Sad but true for all of us. That's why we need comedy!
    Do you watch Two and a half men? I laugh non stop!
    Good luck, Jim
    p.s. sounds like you have a great son!
    Click my name to see my Medical history
    You get what you get, not what you deserve......I stole that from Susan (rip)
    Today is yours to embrace........ for tomorrow, who knows what might be starring you in the face!
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  • I love your bumper stickers! Where did you get them? I think everyone would love one of them or if not all!
    Thanks for replying. I am so much better in the early part of the day then down hill after moving around. Before on the site I was going through surgeries and really just came for info and recommendations but found just knowing others are out there seems to comfort me. I am in a better place since I have accepted this is permanent and will not improve. It seems like that would be more depressing but it has been a release of emotions.

    Keep smiling so they wonder what your up to : )
  • I love that show! I think I really only watch the comedies now. My son is great but I am a little bias! He is my little comedian. He will alway's tell me to smile. I will frown a lot when I am in pain. If I say I am just not up to it, he will start with jokes or teasing. I need to clone him then send one out to everyone!
    I read your medical, wow! I will have to post mine. I stopped all medical treatments finally. I got two 2nd opinions with each surgery or procedure. I got yes's up until about 2 years ago then the 2nd opinions were no's. So even though my doctor was recommending more surgeries I have not done anymore. Even on my last visit just a month ago he was still pushing me to get surgery on my shoulder and wrist. Shoulder was messed up in accident. Then I have issues with dropping things and numbness in my right hand. It started after my last surgery. I have just accepted this is it for now. Only if it get's so so bad I am in bed 24/7 will I go forward with another surgery. But I am good with where I am. I can't control the pain with med's all the time but I can reduce the amount of pain by what I do. Sometimes I do to much. But I just sit down and enjoy a good funny show!

    Thanks for repyling to my post! It makes my day that people take time and care about my problem. Hope I make yours, too!
  • with you 100%. Sometimes I even get that from my husband. He will see me being silly with the boys, laughing and joking. Then at night as I am trying to get into bed mumbling pain under my breathe my husband will say "Whats wrong with you?" I THINK "Well I just had a major surgery, pain is what is wrong with me!" but instead I say "nothing, I just need to get comfortable." He says "Well you were just in there being silly with the boys." Okay my thing is I have to be as normal with them as possible. They don't understand my pain but they are good to help me so much. Just because we are in pain, DOESN'T exempt us from laughing or having fun. Sometimes that is the ONLY thing that takes my mind away from the pain. Don't get me wrong, my husband helps me, comforts me and takes care of me. I just think that when he sees me laughing and acting silly, it gives him hope that the pain is going away.

    Keep laughing, keep smiling and watch all the comedy you can.
    Be good to yourself!
    Shannon ~
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  • I am not surprised at any family member whether it is a husband or mother that just doesn't realize the amount of pain we are in. My mom who lived with me on and off during all my surgeries really didn't get it either. I really thought if anyone would it would be my parent. She would stay with me and help after the surgeries but as soon as I got up to get my own meal it was done. She never had a surgery or any major thing until March of this year. She broke her hip. I was there for her for months. Stayed by her side during the stay at the rehab hospital and then she came here to stay with me again until she get's stronger. She apologized and said she just didn't realize what I had gone through and still going through. She is up and walking but has some day's that it is still painful. It's nice to have someone who understands. We joke that we are a mess! She has day's she can't walk and I am shot from the waist up! Even though all this is really tragic it is funny. My son broke his hand. SO We now have 3 people under the same roof with some part of their body out of wack! Gotta laugh at it!
  • Laughing stops you from crying.

    If I was not married or had three children, a mortgage, a cat and lived 3000 miles away and could swim, I would have taken you out, a real man.

    That was so funny even I laughed, we all have that aspect of our secret existence, I lean on things, stand up then sit down again, no sooner have I stood up than I am looking where to sit down next, from chair to chair, like musical chairs without the music. If it were not sad that too would be funny, you have cared for your family in difficult circumstance and done the best you can, we all have things we cannot do and only you can make yourself feel that others would not be interested.

    Those people who only measure you on your physical capability are not worth knowing and you are better off without them, they do not deserve your friendship.

    We are nice people on here and treat everyone with respect, your confidence has taken a knock and given the opportunity getting to know the real you is what others should be doing. You need to say “I am a nice person” not me, you !

    You can do this and take care.

  • I kind of have the opposite problem. My MIL came to visit a couple of weeks ago and she's 79. Although I get along well with her, we fight about doing things.

    So imagine this: I'm upstairs on the computer and I start hearing *thump...thump...thump...*, so I walk to the stairs to see what the noise is. My soon-to-be 80 year old mom-in-law is going down the stairs backwards with a full laundry basket in front of her while she's dragging it down the stairs. I say "MIL, what are you doing? Let me get that for you...". She says "No, your back" I say "But I can do it..." and on it goes until the laundry basked somehow ends up in the laundry room. Same thing with her suitcases when she leaves (my hubby was at work). Unbelievable. Made me feel reeeeeeeealy old.

    Anyway, when one of my friends asks me how I feel, I never say "fine" if I'm in pain. I say "I don't want to talk about it" and change the subject. That always makes people understand that you're not really fine, but also lets them know to talk about something else.

  • I'm usually really honest with how I feel, even if it makes people uncomfortable. I don't over exaggerate it but I let them know that I'm in a lot of pain, if I am.

    I still feel like nobody really gets it, and I feel lonely a lot. My mother never believes me and keeps teling me to get up off the couch and stop being so lazy. She complains all the time that I don't clean up after myself well enough (even though I can't physically bend over and clean right now AND even though my husband cleans up everything for me), she complains that I never do anything, etc. I'm getting really sick and tired of being made into a lazy person and it's affecting our relatoinship a lot. I don't even want to talk to her anymore and I don't really want her around the hospital because I know she'll manage to offend me somehow.

    I enjoyed reading this thread, it's refreshing to hear about others that are in my position. I wish we weren't all hurting but at least we can vent about it to each other.
  • You all bring up a lot of great points! Myself, depending "who" asks me "How you doing", will define what I say. My hubby has been WONDERFUL through all of this. He slept in the chair next to my bed on my surgeries, and defended me when other "people" didn't get it!

    A lot of times at work I will just reply to "How are you today" with "same-o-same-o" and let it go from there. Even some of the guys relayed this. "We can understand cancer, a broken limb etc., but we don't see "what" is causing you pain or problems." While I want to scream a bit with that, I have too also realize that to some degree, it isn't something "Joe average" can relate to, so ...shrug. Other times I just reply, "I'm fine, Thanks." and be done with it. To me, those I love and care for - they are the ones *I* need to understand me...the rest, well they are the rest. :-) Take care all!!! *HUG*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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