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gethealthyggethealthy Posts: 303
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:37 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
I'm having a pity pot day. i really hate them.

i had my hair done yesterday. She got it wet, cut it then put color in it so I could drive home and rinse the color out. The back of my head is still too sore to handle the hard curve in the basin.

My hair dresser is not good with controlling her mouth. She thinks it she says it. No harm meant but she got to me this time. She said I walk like a robot.

I'm 11 weeks post op from a 3 level ADCF. I just can't seem to let go of guarding my neck. I've been to PT and do my exercises but my neck is still tender.

i use to be such an athletic person and so relaxed in my body. Her words hit hard. I sure hope this is not how I will always be, like a robot.

My PT said something that got to me last week, "you don't want to be like one of THOSE people". He meant I didn't want to turn my whole body and to him people like that are weird it seems.

A couple of weeks ago I was on a walk and some little kids said "your the weirdest person in the world" I walk my neighborhood twice a day. They obviously have seen me many times and think I'm from another planet.

I cried a few times when I got home and crying is so uncomfortable. My throat closes down. It's like my throat swells and I can't catch my breath. I feel a strange pressure in my throat still which I hope goes away but it really gets uncomfortable when I cry.

I know I'm being over sensitive but my life has changed so much and I can't do anything about it.

I know it's early in my recovery but I'm almost 3 months a long and I so want to be at the end of the journey.

I hear some of your voices saying "it's early in the game just relax and stay positive". I try to do that and generally do but some days I just want to scream "make it stop!". This is one of them.

Sorry for the vent. I don't want to scare newbies but they need to know that there could be days like this and they're not alone. I just hope I have a great success story to share at the end of this.


  • Please feel free to cry as needed. If I had a nickle for everytime I've cried the past 6 weeks, i wouldnt be worried about missed work :) you are right we have those days, we deserve them. You will pick yourself back up and feel better again, probably soon. Not only our bodies but our lives have been through a lot,never to be the same again. That doesnt mean our live arent still good and worthwhile, but undeniably different. Changes with unknown outcomes cause stress. Be pateint with your body and your emotions. We will all be OK, forever changed, but OK in fact we will be great/amazing/fabulous. So cry if you must, but dont give up.
    I'll be praying for you :)
    God Bless and Keep you (moving) :)
  • I bet your hair looks BEAUTIFUL :)
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  • Thanks Shirley. You made me feel better :*
  • I'd go with what the doc says. If he says you're starting to fuse, then don't baby your neck so much. I remember being wayyyyyy toooooo careful when in reality it would have taken a lot more than a simple twist to damage the surgery site.

    But more importantly, it's VERY important not to get down about it. Depression is one thing that we all have to fight after this kind of surgery, trust me I went through it too. It's ok once in awhile, but try to do whatever you can to stay up. Eat ice cream. Drink vodka. Read a nasty Harlequin. Whatever.

    I hate it when I see people glance at my scar and then try to figure out what kind of torture I must have done to myself. Oy... But I just smile and ignore them now.

    Work on making sure your other muscles are getting stronger... don't forget that after I fused, my hand muscles were so weak (couldn't lift more than 10 lbs before that) that I hyperextended a ligment. I should have done more hand grip exercises, I guess.

  • I agree, cry if you need to, you've earned it. Life isn't always great, it's sometimes downright unfair. But tomorrow's another day and gradually things will improve. You may only notice little things but it's good to look back to just after surgery and see how far you've come.

    I am guessing that the throat problem when crying is caused by a combination of stress and a healing neck area?

    I'm sure that too, will improve with time.

    Kids speak from a lack of understanding, your hairdresser from ignorance. You need reassurance that you're still the same person, and you are. Certain outward things might have changed, but give that time and there'll be an improvement there as well. *hugs*
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  • If it's any help, I had a one level neck disk fusion in Feb.08 and felt like my head would tip over afterwards. I also moved my whole body around since I couldn't really turn my head yet.

    But, Give it some time and be patient because you will regain the feeling of strength in your neck and will eventually be able to turn your head some without turning your body.

    If the kids say mean things, tell them your part alien and will have a ship take them away to another planet.
  • I am feeling better. I don't know if I'm fused yet. I go Dec 3 and hope I show signs of it or am fused, wouldn't that be great.

    I'd love to do more PT but my insurance only allows $2500 a year. I blew thru that in a few weeks. PT isn't cheap.

    Good to hear from you again Moonbaby! I am exercising with light resistance and have kept up my walking. My grip is good because I used a squeeze ball from day one. I was strong as an ox before surgery. I believe I'll be strong when the pain stops.

    I watched a movie and that really helped. Chocolate is my weakness. I can't eat as much as I did prior to the surgery. I can't exercise like I use to so I'm sure that adds to my pity pot feelings Depression is not fun and I avoid it but sometimes it just hits hard.

    Thank you all for being there today. I really needed you!
  • Hey just to let you know those hair basins actually come with a insert so it doesn't have the whole like that. But if for some reason your hair salon doesn't have theirs anymore have them fill the space with rolled up towels. Glad to hear your feeling better.
  • I can relate, my doctor recommended biofeedback to help train my brain to stop guarding my back. The cymbalta has really helped me deal with 18 yrs of chronic pain and makes me not so sad. I've been on it 2 weeks now. I hope tomorrow is better for you.
  • Thanks! Did that work for you?
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