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My Fault?

khumphkkhumph Posts: 106
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:40 AM in Back Surgery and Neck Surgery
So now my 23 year old daughter has been told she needs back surgery! I am trying to get out of her what exactly they are planning on doing but sounds like a micro-d. It must be all my fault! X(


  • hey man!

    i'm 25 and just had surgery on my back last week and let me tell you it made a world of difference. it is definitely not your fault, bad things happen to good people. i also had the same type of surgery. don't worry, stay optimistic. your daughter needs your confidence right now more than anything!! good luck.


    p.s. - people will tell you to get a second opinion and you should of course. i did the same thing and delayed my surgery almost 4 years, but in the end, here i am post-op.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,284
    when our children require surgery. I know as a parent,we would much rather have the pain and suffering on us instead of our children.

    There are some genetic situations that can make a person more 'prone' to spinal problems, but it is there life style itself that will determine the outcome.

    So, while I can understand you feeling guilty, believe I have so many times since both my son and daughter have back problems.

    But, we can do only what we can do. I was handed a genetic situation and honestly in my early ages, I did not pay attention to that and probably sentenced myself to a life of spinal problems. But that was MY choice, no one else.

    For now, the most important thing for you to do is to be at your daughter's side when she needs you.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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  • It hurts to see our children hurt,no matter how old they get!! But please don't blame yourself!Besides being daddy,you have the experience of going through back problems,so that is a double in her favor and yours---keep us posted! Jeannie
  • What if I passed this on to my children? I won't lie and say I don't worry about this because I do. We tell the kids to bend their knees when they pick something up, not to pick up things that are too heavy, and I also worry about strenuous sports like football. My husband and I have bad backs and this is why I'm so scared. Have we doomed them to a life of disability? We'll do what it takes to beat the odds. We stress a healthy life style, eating right, etc. Is it enough and can anything preventative be done?

    I totally understand how you feel Khumph and I'm sorry your daughter is having spinal surgery so early. I've had a microdiscectomy too and I hope this relieves her pain and is the last operation she'll need. All you can do is be there for her since you have gone through all of this and reassure her that she can come out okay. A positive frame of mind is so important as you know, and she needs to see this from you as well as emulate it. There will be good days and set backs but she is young and has this to her advantage while she is recovering from surgery. Please keep us posted on how things go and remember that we're here for you. Take care
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