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sex after lumbar fusion

24

Comments

  • For those that do not want TMI, I suggest you go read a book. I am interested to get some real information, on this subject,that seems to be a topic of much avoidance.
    For those that have long time marriages and very patient spouses; all is wonderful. However for those of us that are single and young middle age;''doing it' slowly and patiently with a new lover, could easily be a recipe for a last date.
    That said, if we are not to BLT until total fusion of 6-12 months, How does one NOT B-Lean-T and have sex?
    Yes we can spoon. That appears to be all, safely. And then? The last thing I want is to hear some awful cracking sound.
    Any solutions?
  • I'll take the gloves off and go right to it! After a fusion each person is different. I'm four years post op and I still am uncomfortable with my wife on top. I had an L4-S1 360 ALIF done. I've also since developed spondy at L3-L4. Most every other position except hanging from the ceiling fan isn't bad (hehe;).

    I think bottom line is you have to judge for yourself what is going to work and what's not. If it's not comfortable, stop! No sense hurting yourself. If the person your with cares enough about you to be intimate with you, they should understand.

    There are complications with surgery and sex. Men can have whats called retrograde ejaculation. Instead of fluid coming out, it goes in reverse to the bladder. It is usually a temporary thing that gets better with time. However, fusion surgery can lead to erectile dysfunction, especially with the 360 ALIF. I found out the hard way (no pun intended) on that side effect. If you want more info on that, check this site for archived posts I did a couple years ago regarding that subject.

    Hope this helps!

    Keith
    Several Epidurals, L4-S1 360 ALIF, Numerous Facet Joint Injections, RFA x2
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  • I think the response should come from the female point of view; I just don't want to break anything. :)
  • I agree if you don't want TMI don't look at this discussion and go read your book with your fuzzy blankie...this coming from a woman who has a VERY understanding hubby who says and I quote "If you love someone you take your lumps right along with them" so coming from a married 11 years with a 10 year old daughter female the ole sex life takes a major hit with any spinal injury and surg...I asked this question even BEFORE my surgery as it had already been awhile since I could do anything but foreplay...poor hubby...I saw a comment above about not being able to feel down there...so this is what I was told by my MD and Surgeon...for me the meds I'm on for nerve pain(Lyrica) has an effect on the central nervous system and makes your nerves less able to feel hence our "kitty" is unable to purr as it would like...or it doesn't even purr at all...as for after surg I was told...NOTHING for the first 2 wks...after that experiment all I want...I am only 3 wks out and have a HUGE fear of hurting my neck...I've come a long way and fought hard to get this neck...last thing I want is to hurt it...so my hubby and I agreed to take it VERY SLOW...so as for us...the last wk has been alot of foreplay that I hope eventually leads into some bomb sex...sorry got a little excited there...before my injury we had a very healthy sex life...so we both know in our minds my new norm may be different then before but he loves me and LOVES the idea of experimenting with new ideas and positions...I've heard spooning is painless...that will be the first position we try...when I'm not chicken...LOL...good luck to all and hope it wasn't to much info!!! :) I'm not sure if you all want an update on the spooning but if ya all do just ask!!! HEHE...
  • Thank you Sarah. When I asked my surgeon, theone who lied to me from the start, saying it's a 2-3 mo. recoup (failing to mention, fusion actually takes 9-14mos.) he said I'm the first patient who has asked so many questions, acting quite annoyed and embarrassed. Isn't it his job to inform us so we don't hang from chandeliers and screw it all up again?

    Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.
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  • Thank you Sarah. When I asked my surgeon, theone who lied to me from the start, saying it's a 2-3 mo. recoup (failing to mention, fusion actually takes 9-14mos.) he said I'm the first patient who has asked so many questions, acting quite annoyed and embarrassed. Isn't it his job to inform us so we don't hang from chandeliers and screw it all up again?

    Thank you for your input. I appreciate it.
  • my last operation put a stop to my sex life .i am unable to obtain an erection and even if i could i would be unable to move like you have to during sex because of the pain and constant tiredness .i have not had a fusion but have had 2 other operation on my lower back ..i am waiting for ALIF surgey sometime this year\ {UK} long waiting list ..to be honest with you ..unless there is a some miracle post surgey and subsequent recovery i cant see myself ever having sex {i am 44} male and married .back surgey has destroyed my life .we are now into damage limitation ..
    tony
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • I am so sorry! Did you know all this before the surgeries? I really have this feeling that all these spine docs do not give any negative side affects, in particular to post-op sex to any of us, male or female, because they would have no business. Literally unless you were run over by a truck, no one would do this. I have a hard time dealing with my surgeon because I feel so betrayed.
    Hopefully you will 'work' with cialis! My thoughts are with you.
    Stay strong. At least you have a wife that cares.
  • have one thing in common .all they know is the technical side of the operation .the fact that you cant see pain .leaves it open to scepticism from others .as long as the consultant can say that he/she has done the job as per spec .they are happy .what they dont tell you is the amount of pain that you will be in and the reduction in you quality of life for ever after .because they CARNT ..they dont know what you and i are feeling ..i had a very good pain consultant and she was very understanding and always went out of her way to help me and she said that she had no idea whet i was going through BUT looking at all the damage to my spine she could imagine how bad it was ..but she was the exception ..on the other hand i went to see another consultant anaesthetist and he was a total bar stu ward ! all he could see was the amount of pain killers that i take and he called me a junkie and told me that i was not in pain and all i wanted was drugs !!! my wife {a health professional } who went to the appointment with me was discussed and after a few heated words we left and we went straight to my doctor ..he apologised and i never went to see the nasty consultant again ..{just for the record ..4 days after being told that i was fine and just after drugs ..i was admitted for another operation after i collapsed on the bedroom floor ..so that's how much he knew !! ..my new orthopaedic consultant has told me that after my ALIF i will be in a lot of pain and unable to have sex for life as the nerves have been permanently damaged and he has also said that the ALIF is being dont to stop more damage being done .any pain relief from the operation will be a bonus as the operation is not to reduce pain ..many people think that there operation will stop there pain but in many cases that's not the situation its mainly being done to prevent further damage ..many patients dont know that .i know that i am too far down the line now to enjoy a good pain free life and my prognosis is not good .i will just have to make the most of it
    tony
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
  • I didn't see what type of surgery you had. I'll assume you're lower lumbar. If you're a neckie forget this.

    In some respects, yes you want a woman's opinion. Sadly the old forum content never got archived to view online for long. There were some good discussions in it that were very candid. I can tell you based on comments in there from women your age that the differences are not as big as you think. Girl parts, boy parts. They don't make the reason you hurt for the most part... Those parts maybe numb as Sarah mentions due to nerves. That should clear up, but is not guaranteed as Tony mentions.

    That said as I posted above the last time this thread got active. For some females it is the orgasm more than the BLT that causes them grief. They get horrible spasms from the rapid contractions that happen. I guess if your BF is dull and doesn't hit the spot, sort of speak, you're all set... LOL

    You really don't want him on top, especially if you are small and he isn't. That weight will hurt. If your weight differences aren't so bad you can put a pillow under that arch in your back to keep your spine as close to the right angle as possible. You might want to pass on the woof-woof style and the chandelier or trapeze ideas. That is too rough.

    When you twist too much the hardware will let you know and you will stop. You won't feel quite so frisky. So you're middle age and single and active. Good for you. You do need to chill out and not start so aggressive. So if it means you might not get that guy now. So what? There are more fish in the sea and quite frankly women have the upper hand in that department and most of you know it.

    Waiting 3-6 months before going aggressive might be the smartest move you've ever made. If you do something stupid, you have many years to pay for it. Just to keep some perspective things.

    Take that all with a grain of salt though. When I had the microd at L5-S1 I was ready the next morning. My wife went to the surgeons office with me and talked to him and his nurse quite openly. She knew exactly what I was and was not going to be doing. After the fusion at the same level I can assure you the next morning the last thing I wanted was that. A few weeks later though. Yeah, there was no way I was lasting 3-6 months. It was painful at first and let's just say spooning is of no interest to me.

    Good luck!
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