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I am so fed up!!



  • Jelly,

    I know exactly how you feel, or should I say I know how that situation made me feel. I cried too!! And in some instances, did go ahead and do the household things I shouldn't have even attempted. I believe that is what made my recovery so much harder. There is truly a reason why there is no bending, lifting, twisting.

    Trust that your friend really wants to see YOU and knows the limitations that you currently have. Best wishes on a great visit!!

  • Don't invite her to your house unless you like criticism. For years now I have argued with my husband about whether people care how you house looks or whether they should care. He was raised to believe that it was part of the visit to inspect and comment on the condition of the house. I can still remember her making her joking remarks to family and friends. Of course most people were not laughing with her.

    Unfortunately her obsession with having a clean house led to the whole family missing out on lots of things. No pets, no friends over, not many friends who would have them over.

    Take time to enjoy the important things. The house will get cleaned somehow. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Most people are embarrassed to ask if you need help because they don't want to insult you.
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  • I know that the state of the house is not that important really. If it is tidied and cleaned one day, a few days later it all needs doing again, so why stress about it.

    Trouble is, when you have lots of time to look at all the things that need doing, you want to sort it out. Probably when I am able to tidy and clean, it won't bother me at all!! Lol!

    I did manage to clean the kitchen sink today :D
  • Jelly,

    You could always give the hubby and son a to-do list. Give them each tasks to do. Tell them you love them but the house is driving you crazy. They may do lots now, but if they knew this was really making you so upset, I bet they would be more than happy to put in a little extra effort!!

    I know it is easy to concentrate on the mundane when you have so much time on your hands. And when it is something you are used to doing yourself. Don't be hard on yourself!

    Hugs Again :)
  • She sounds like a great friend to come over and vacuum for you. I happened to find a Support in my city and they're the same ones who deliver meals on wheels and I found their website and noticed they have a cleaning service done by Personal Support Workers for only $27. for 2 hours work. She came in hung up all my clothes put away and reorganized my linen closet,cleaned the bathroom, dusts and sweeps and vacuums and washes the floor all in 2 hours! I decided for only $27. this was a Godsend for me. It doesn't take someone long to clean the place when they're healthy and have a good back. I wish you could find something like that or hire a student.

    You're so early in your healing and hope you don't do any housework. You're so right that when you're well it won't bother you. lol. Take care. CHarry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
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  • We really are kindred spirits! I, too, am feeling this way after receiving a surprise phone call from a friend who is in town for a few days and coming over today.

    I feel bad about the state of my home and the state of my physical apperiance. Still not into my regular sized clothes and after physical therapy on Friday, I had so much swelling that I couldn't wear my new Mother's Day dress.

    I, too, know there are more important things, but this is how I feel!

    Your post today was a true gift! Letting me know that I am not alone with my feelings, and to not beat myself up over them!

    I think this stage of recovery is so difficult! We have passed the initial stage of recovery, but we aren't there yet! And our body's will let us know that time and time again if we push it!

    I think I would feel close to good, if I wasn't in PT. But, I have a life to get back to and this will help get me there.

    My hubby too, doesn't see the things I do. When I got the call yesterday, he said "by 9 am the floors will be clean!". Don't you know, at 11, I heard him tending to the yard! Only for him to say, "I didn't know she was coming over!" MEN!!

    We are here for you Jelly and we WILL make it through this! I would love to come visit one day!

    My hubby, sensing I was having a down day, gave me a copy of my daughter's assignment she had left in our copier re "MY Hero". She wrote it about me! But not why you would originally think But rather, about all that I had conquored lately. As I was feeling bad that I wasn't being a good mom for all that I wasn't able to do, she saw what I was able to do, despite the pain! I was in tears and so shocked! Truly a blessing!

    I can't wait to hear about your visit with your friend! I bet when she leaves, you will feel renewed!

    Gentle hugs! xxxxx Shari
  • Thank you all for your support - it really does make a difference.
    I have a poem I wrote on the fridge about needing help with a list of things that would need doing in the hope that it would prompt them to know what needed doing. Perhaps I need to be more specific.

    Mind you my son is cooking supper and has bought a surprise special dessert for me :-)

    Shari, how special to be able to read how your daughter admires your courage.
    How encouraging to hear that my post helped you :-)
    It helped me to vent too :D

    thank you spiney friends for your understanding.
    Wouldn't it be great if we could gather in my untidy house and have a party!!
  • Jayhawk hit the nail on the head: at a certain point in our recovery we are feeling somewhat better but still under restrictions. I feel like I have been stuck for a while.

    I am 6 months post-op and still have all of my restrictions in place. This is so unrealistic because I am a stay at home Mom of 2 girls: 5 and 8. While my husband is a big help with the laundry, food shopping etc. who else is going to ferry the kids around, go to school functions etc.?

    Both of my knees are starting to bother me from all of the squating and kneeling on hard floors! It's just a frustrating place to be in recovery. Also, unless you walk around with a sign (or cane/walker) you don't get much help, and we all know how easy that is to ask for! LOL

    OK, done with my pity-rant. Things will get better

    Take care,
  • Be grateful that you feel well enough that you are thinking of relatively unimportant things like dust bunnies rather than being obsessed with how much X, Y and Z hurt, how long will it be till you can take a little walk in the garden, etc. At least you've moved beyond only thinking about your spinal issues, to the more mundane stuff.

    Just remember that your friend is coming to see you, not your house. She knows you have had major surgery, and I'm sure she will overlook whatever shortcomings there might be.

    I know you already know this, but I will remind you anyway. Spine surgery is a great teacher of patience!! Even though we know it is going to be a long recovery, once into it, it still seems to take much longer than any of us think it should. Think of it as a life lesson -- an opportunity to learn to slow down and smell the roses, so to speak. B)
  • I am doing well in my recovery and should be grateful for that.
    I think that I have reached the stage that Shari and Lisa talked about and was feeling very low. That made me look at things I'm not happy with, and the state of the house took my focus.
    Thanks for the talk. I'll try to focus on how well I am doing :-)
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