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AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,578
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:44 AM in Chronic Pain
I swear, it just keeps piling on. I have had dental problems for a long time, spent about 6 grand on my top teeth in the last 18 months, plus numerous root canals and crowns in the last 3 years. Two weeks ago, another horrendous toothache and another capped front tooth needed a root canal; then another further back started hurting. Between the two, root canals and crowns gonna be over 3,000. I have been contemplating a denture on top for some time, but because I am not that old and the thought kind of bothered me ( because I’m a pretty vain old gal), I didn’t do it. Last year I spent about 2,300 on a 3 tooth bridge for the top too. I decided to get the denture finally. I went in and he drilled a hole in each tooth that was infected so they could drain, did the imprints and sent me home on antibiotics to wait for the denture to be made. 10 days of pain and misery, my face was so swollen, then one of the front teeth with the drain hole, fell apart (it was an expensive crown) so I had a missing front tooth. I called my dentist in tears cuz it hurt and no way is this old broad going anywhere missing a front tooth. He managed to build a fairly decent looking epoxy tooth that held till the denture came in. Got them all pulled, have been wearing the denture, another round of antibiotics and – I am on my own! I actually think having shoulder surgery last year was easier than these damn teeth! The only person who even showed any concern was my daughter who came over the day of, and brought me some beautiful flowers and gave me a hug and some sympathy. My husband could give $hit less how I feel. Just got stitches out yesterday but they are still not healed by any means. The husband did not make me one bowl of soup, do one chore, I still had to cook, clean, do dishes, etc., then he had the nerve to question WHEN I was going back to work. I so wish I could afford to get rid of him, but I cannot. I would have to pay him so much equity, I will not do it! I had my house long before him, and I will not leave, nor can I afford to pay him off.. He and my son (who has been very helpful) left on a camping trip this morning. I can’t go because I hurt and I’m not in the mood for it anyway. Then, my husband was supposed to go get me 10 bales of hay yesterday because I’m about out and I asked him right before I left for work this morning if he was gonna grab those before they left. I got yelled at, screamed at, and I guess I’ll be doing that myself too. I cannot stand the ignorant SOB. At least my son-in-law will come by tonight and unload it for me. I’m hoping the guy I buy from will load it on for me. I recently found out that I need a hip replacement on top of my freaking nerve pain, my hip has been getting worse and worse. I mentioned that to my husband and he blew a gasket – oh more time off work huh?… and “Don’t you ever have anything positive to say”. Well, lets see I NEVER complain to him about my back or nerve pain because I knew he will just yell at me. I haven’t said a word about my hip needing replacement, even though I have known it for quite some time. The last couple months the injections have stopped working and it feels like it’s coming right out of the socket – he doesn’t care about that tho. He’s mad cuz I don’t feel good. He doesn’t see that work is killing me. Maybe he’ll drive his ATV off a cliff over the weekend and I won’t have to worry about it. Ya, that sounds horrible, but I am so sick of his selfish, ignorant, uncaring rude comments I could shoot him myself. I told him if he ever ends up with an issue, I will be sure to return the excellent care he has given me. When he had knee surgery (Miniscus removed) several years ago and again when he had two wisdom teeth out, you would have thought he’d die. He laid on the couch for days and I fixed him homemade soups, or whatever he wanted. I babied him like a child, waited on him hand and foot. That will NEVER ever happen again!
Well, thanks for listening, I am so upset, disgusted, mad, sad, I can’t even put it all into words. I just needed to talk, thanks for whomever listens. Marion


  • Vent away it makes you feel better. Sorry to hear about your mouth and hip problems. Your husband sounds like a real bully. I hope somehow your relationship would get better. I pray you can have some peace from your husband's mean ways and hope somehow he will be more gentle towards you. You don't deserve that after what you've been through. I just wanted to validate what you're saying and will pray for a better situation. Take care. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Marion you are not alone. You know in your heart that he really doesn't mean what is coming out of his mouth. My husband is the same way. If I tell him I have an appt he will make a comment about how that;s all I do. He also makes it seem like he is mad that my problems take away from what he wants to do. I'm guessing that your husband made some comment about you not going with the this weekend.

    What I have learned and I think you know from reading your post, is that this is their way of expressing their anger that we are in pain and they can't fix it. Give my husband a hammer and he can fix anything. But ask him to take care of me when I'm sick!!! lmao.

    What you have to remember is that they are not mad at us. They are frustrated that they can't fix it. Also there is a portion that is them acting like a baby because you are interfearing with what they want to do - but that's a much smaller part.

    So you have the weekend to yourself. What's planned? Maybe a bubble bath? Or a manicure?
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  • Rejoice - why you ask? To have a whole weekend on your own, doing what you want, having the opportunity to moan on this forum, not having to do the housework, cook and clean for your husband (but only for yourself) should be something to celebrate, in my opinion. As the post before said, have a lovely hot bubble-bath, put some music on, read some 'trashy' (as my daughters call them) magazines - they mean mags for women, not anything rude I hasten to add. Enjoy the peace and quiet!!

    Sorry to hear about your selfish husband. He may not want to hear about all your health problems/appointments etc., but to be fair, I'm sure you, like alot of us, don't want to talk about them either - we'd much rather not have to endure them ourselves!

    I haven't been through all the discomfort of having dentures, but my husband has. Over many months last year he put up with chronic toothaches and was like a bear with a sore head. It got to a point where he and I couldn't bear it any more and he had the lot, bar TWO, pulled out from upper and lower! He was very miserable as you can imagine, but now, apart from the odd troublesome problem with getting used to the new dentures, it was the best thing he ever did. He can now eat and enjoy steaks again!

    I know it can't be easy, but try and see the positives of your situation NOW - you've got the whole weekend to do just as you please - make the most of it and enjoy.

    I just wanted to let you know that although people don't always vent their frustrations like you have, I'm sure you are not alone. I've always found this forum to be very supportive and it certainly helps when you're feeling a bit down with nobody to talk to.

    2 x Microdiscectomy 2005 / PLIFusion 2-level 2010 / revision surgery 2011 / NEVRO Senza spinal cord stimulator implanted February 2013. I WILL NOT GIVE IN / UP !!
  • :D I bet your were beating the heck out of the keys when you typed that post! Get it all out girl -- you deserve a break -- so while the men are gone this weekend -- just take a break from being a woman -- pretend you're a man (no offense guys) and do nothing! Just take care of the essentials -- you know like keeping your animals alive (LOL!) and forget the rest -- it will be there for another day.

  • I did relax yesterday, and feel a bit better today, although I still need to go get some hay. I ended up leaving work at noon, and my daughter and grandson came over and we did a lobster tail/crab boil that was good. I had a hard time chewing the food, but I managed. LOL! She and my baby boy always cheer me up. I guess I just feel like I am stuck in this hole and can't get out. The nerve pain is one thing, but then living with a jerk and knowing I can't end that really irritates me. I honestly would never treat another human being the way he does, it is so hurtful and feels so uncaring and ignorant. I guess after having been raised by my own monsterous parents, I just always knew that is not how you treat people, especially those that you proclaim or are supposed to love! I could never be like that, ever... I'm sure if he had some issue, I would still take care of the jerk because I'm just not the kind of person that can ignore someone hurting or upset. Yesterday, I could have shot him, maybe today too - but like you all said I don't have to worry about that for a couple days! I guess I'll get the ole hair dyed today and soak in a nice hot tub while the dye works it's magic, then go get the stupid hay. Blitz told me he is getting a little concerned about the lack of groceries in his barn. LOL! He is so cute, he has some berry cobbler with ice cream that Jesika (my daughter) made yesterday and he slurps it up like a big doggie.. Well, thanks for listening to my rant yesterday, I appreciate it. I guess if I had some "real" friends, it might be helpful, but even the few I have, I don't really talk about these type of issues. I'm pretty private, but I guess I feel like I can spew forth whatever here for some reason.. Take care all! Marion
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  • I just can't imagine living in a household where you dread seeing the one you live with, the one you're married to and my heart goes out to you.

    Are you sure there's no way to get him out of your house? Have you researched all possibilities? I have a husband that is so understanding even though he knows nothing about what I'm going through that it breaks my heart to hear that someone has to live like that in addition to what we're already going through.

    That's just no way to live. This is what the show "Snapped" is about. LOL

    Take care, Marion. I'm sorry to hear about how difficult it is for you but glad that you have your Blitz to love and get it in return.

    Have you guys tried counceling?

  • "in sickness and in health", guess ur selfish hubbie didnt listen to that part of the bargain when it came to marriage. I am very sorry that this has all happened to u. Are you only really with him because you cant afford to be without him? Marriage should be about trust, love, fun, humour, commitment AND SUPPORT...something that isnt obviously in this relationship. My partner is so loving and caring-nothing is ever too much to ask. Theres no way i would put up with that selfishness...but thats me, my personal opinion. I find it extremely sad when couples only stay together for money. Id rather be broke bully free than have $$ and feel lonely. Im sorry to hear about your teeth and your hip-u really need to get your hip soughted-stuff what mr hubbie thinks. Dont NOT get it seen to for fear that he might make a smartass remarke. Sorry, i know that i prob shouldnt be making these comments on a relationship that i dont really know anything about-except for the negative...u didnt say one nice thing about him....that says it all, doesnt it? Good luck x
  • No, there is no way to get rid of him, and yes I am there because I will NOT pay him 50 thousand dollars equity to get him out - I cannot do it financially and he isn't worth it! I had my house long before I had him... I had planned on taking a medical, but I will lose over half my pay on one, and now that the economy is so bad, his construction business is down the tubes. I have to work if I want to keep my house, take care of my animals, etc. There is no choice. He used to be my best friend, before I had such terrible pain. I wish he could have a week of non-stop nerve pain, scatia, that would be awesome! Maybe then he'd have a clue. I know it's sick, but I hope for that for him, because he is a dick!
  • So sorry you are going through this with your 'former best friend'... Like others, I will not try to give advice, as there is a lot going on obviously in your relationship that we will never know of. Options though?

    Like was said, men tend to act out when they can't "fix" something, especially if that something is someone they love and care for. Have you all talked (no, not argue), talked about what you are going through and what support you want or need from him? We aren't 'light switches', so somewhere the bulb dimmed, but has it, or is it lack of understanding each other?

    Granted it could be his 'true self' came out with all of the stresses of life, and your medical issues, but just wondering is all. From what you've described, it is a crappy situation right now no matter how you spin it. Again, sorry to hear you in this situation. Support *HUG*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Brenda is right. You need to talk. Nothing gets resolved by burying it in the closet. So sit down calmly (no yelling) and tell him how you feel and what you need. Ask him what is bothering him.

    You know we usually forget that there is someone else effected by our problems. No one treats the spouse. They are expected to step up and change their lives but are largely ignored. Same goes for kids, parents and the rest of our loved ones.

    Just some thoughts.
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