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Minimizing or Not admitting??

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24

Comments

  • My hubby always knows when I'm hurting and even if it's worse than normal or if I'm feeling particularly good. We've been married for 22 years and up until May 2008, I was always on the go, wanting to have a good time, active, energetic and never complained about physical pain. Since then, he understands that I'm not the person I was and he never complains, but helps me by reminding me to take my meds, opening doors for me, rearranging things to make something easier for me, etc. (Of course, in turn, I give him a good excuse not to attend a function he really doesn't want to attend. :-).)

    I don't really understand when someone says that they're spouse nags at them for not doing things they think they should when they know they have spine problems. Don't we all know when someone we love becomes a different person? And don't we want to help and understand the best we can?

    Anyway, I'm in PapaRon and Brenda's circle - my hubby is my best ally, friend and supporter.

    Cath
  • Howdy Cath!!

    I had to chuckle on your hubby having a great excuse to get out of going to functions - mine does the same thing! At first when he did that, I will admit I felt bad, as I thought he was missing out on not going. He explained later that *I* didn't actually curtail him from going to something he enjoyed, but just the opposite, *I* "helped" him keep from going to such a boring thing! (G)

    I also agree with ya Cath on 'not understanding' when spouses or significant others nag their loved spiney when they can't "do everything" they use to! We are still the same people, just "modified" is all! (G) Welcome to the circle woman!!

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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  • I to have a wonderful husband. He's been around for 16years of my back issues right along with me. He knows when I am pushing through sometime to my own demise. His problem is that I don't ask for help and he's not sure when I need him to step in or not. I am learning to ask for help when I need it, he's not a mind reader and can't determine when I really need help. We are trying to work together to get through this whole mess I am just glad that I do have him to lean on.

    Happyhbmom: Heating pad and whimpering boy does that sound familiar that's pretty much my daily life!!
  • One day while he was at work I was vacuuming and I moved out dining table by myself (yes, I know, I know - very bad idea) and when I told him what I did after I was hurting so bad, he actually yelled at me, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING???". Ooopsy.

    Sometimes I just need to keep my mouth shut. LOL

    Cath
  • Is your hubby my hubby's twin! (G) Mine was pulling our 7' tall 'kitty condo' back so I could vacuum! The pulling didn't get me too bad, it was the pushing it back in place! I was placed on hubby lock down! lol!

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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  • It's not always been so for me. Husband hasn't always been supportive toward me. I asked my PM Dr. to talk to him about my chronic pain and how we can't just 'snap out of it' and get better and how after 6 months of pain it becomes chronic pain and more likely that there's a chance I may have chronic pain for a long time.

    I guess it's the thing when men can't 'fix' you they may feel rejection especially during sexy time and not fulfilling their job as a partner. I've learned now not to complain but know he sees me for who I am and not just my chronic pain and how much I hurt....

    We were on the brink of divorce but then I read somewhere that you loved your spouse at one time and they said if you stick with the person and give it five years providing there's no physical abuse and work out the situation you're going through most likely the feelings will come back and you'll be happier than ever. So that's how he's so in tune to me because we didn't give up. I'm thankful we got through it and he seems to understand me as I said in my earlier post. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • As my condition has worsened in the last 2 years I am incredibly fortunate to have a husband who "has my back". He gently scolds me when I do stupid things, has taken over a lot of the shopping and does many little things (which are not so little) to give me a break.

    As of right now, we are on vacation on LBI, and he has taken the kids out a few times so I can put my feet up to rest (and catch up on my spiney friends). Gotta love him!!

    And yes Brenda, it does get old answering the "how is your back" question. Lately I have just been saying, "oh, about the same, not good but I'll be fine". Its exhausting going over the same crap all the time.

    Have a good night all,

    Lisa
  • Howdy Charry,

    I sniffled a bit as I read your post. I sniffled happy as I read the end of it. I am SOOOOO glad that things worked out. My hubby, who I love to death, there were a few tense moments that I thought *maybe* I lost him... the "D" word did come to my mind, but never spoken? Like you stated, his bit&^ was that he felt bad because "he couldn't fix me" and that I was at the mercy of doctors!!! Thank you for your wonderful insight and post Charry!!! *HUGZ*

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • I don't know what it is tonight, but teary is on the list for me! Not bad teary if that makes sense, but heart felt happy teary? My hubby does most of the shopping now, as he has seen, I can "barely" tolerate shopping - going down the isles, waiting in line etc. I love him for it.....but I still get fussy and upset sometimes, that HE is doing stuff *I* should do - dang it!!! My hubby is tops, never complains, but we *used* to have fun shopping together...sniff. Thanks Lisa!!!

    As for answering "old questions" anymore, if the person asking I know "cares" I will give a "Cliff Notes" version, otherwise, "I am fine, thank you." Or "no change, thanks".... :)

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • :) I too found similar on my side of the house. My hubby will see me do things, can see I hurt, and bing, there he is doing "what" I tried to do! I love him to pieces, but sometimes I get bummed when he does things *I* use to do with ease! Gotta love our men, eh? :)

    Hehehe... hubby (like today) gets fussy as me when I do things that 'later' hurt - did that today, he darn it, he knew it!

    Brenda
    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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