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Those that want to help themselves vs those that want others to do that

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 11,347
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:47 AM in Depression and Coping
I do have to say that because of the years I have been on this site and my connections with the medical field, I lose any empathy for those that only want to complain, blame their doctors, blame the insurance companies, blame the DEA, blame everyone else, instead of looking within.

I understand that this thread is not going to get that many favorable responses, but I know for myself just how much I am willing to help others that are willing to help themselves, vs, how I can not muster up the energy to help those that only want to complain.

I also try to be fair. Those that are so new to this chronic pain situation, I can understand their frustrations, but those who have been dealing with it for a while and yet still seek to blame others, I am sorry, I have such a difficult time trying to help them.

We all have 'x' amount of hours in a day, so I try to maximize mine when ever I can
Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com


  • Ron you are right. It is easy to get stuck in the mud of self-pity. But for many of the people on this site this is just a way to work through the stages of acceptance of a life change. Most of us have heard about the stages relating to grief but if you think about it this applies to so much in our lives.

    I found this version which includes 7 stages but the number of stages is not important.

    1. Shock and denial
    2. Pain and guilt
    3. Anger and bargaining
    4. Depression - reflection and loneliness
    5. Upward turn
    6. Reconstruction
    7. Acceptance and Hope

    Everyone goes through this at different rates. I know I found this site around stage 2 or 3. Right now I'm around 4-5.

    Unfortunately the nature of spine problems means that we take 2 steps forward and 1 step back. Just when you think you are better something else happens. Also we spend alot of time waiting to get answers from doctors or approvals from insurance companies.

    As far as responding to posts...I try to stick to ones that i can relate to with the occasional response to a general question. I am not a mushy person so you won't see me doing hugs and kisses type posts unless I see someone who is feeling down and no one is responding. You made a point a few weeks back that people need to do some searching for info before starting a new thread. We tend to look for immediate gratification so this will always happen.

    So now that I have used my precious time to respond to your post I am going to go back to reading my romance novel :)
  • Howdy Ron,

    I guess I have to read more varied posts, as surely I missed something new going on? I do agree with much of your post. I too try to help where I can, but yes there have been a few here and there, that no matter what solutions are offered, no positive result occurs, or the person ends up lashing out at the very folks they've asked for help in the first place because what they wanted to hear wasn't so stated.

    You're not one that makes posts of such deep subjects on a whim, so I am guessing I missed some 'example(s)' of recent. :) Off to my reading...

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 11,347
    any one particular post.
    What I come up with is after reading many posts for several months, somethings 6 or more months.
    So, if you were to ask me "Which post make you think this way?", I couldnt give you an answer.

    Many times, I would like to focus in on only a couple of forum areas, the ones that hit home the most..., but as with the rest of my team, we promised to monitor the entire site, therefore we get to see many different sides of posting.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences
    You can email me at: rdilauro@veritashealth.com
  • I too of course gravitate to those areas of similarity to my own as well. Of late, I now read the posts via "most recent" each time I come on. I have found that some of the folks I chat with or post too also have issues in other areas (spine, depression, loves etc.), and it helps me see a better picture and at times understanding of those I post with.

    You've seen me on here enough, and we've chatted/posted enough to each other, if I get that way, and it isn't just a phase, let me know! I have my down days like anyone else, but if they stay and I don't see it (G)....... Dankie!!!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Ron, I very much agree with you.

    But I think we can get into some traps of thinking that people aren't helping themselves if they aren't taking our advice, or if they aren't doing the things we would be doing. I think we have to be careful to allow for the fact that everybody feels comfortable with a different path.

    So with the caveat that as long as we allow for everyone to help themselves along their own path using their own ways, I agree completely :)
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  • Most folks are afraid of whats inside, i tend to think
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 805
    I really don't think ron intended it to go this way.
    just my opinion.
    we really need to get along and support each other.
    take care,
  • You are correct, it is about helping yourself and being proactive about your care and treatment. That means looking into and finding out about different treatments and then hopefully talking it over with your doctor. Who could possibly object to that? Not I, it isn't my place to do so, nor was my post meant to present that way.

    My own feelings about certain posts I've read in the past year or so remain. It doesn't make it true for them... it doesn't actually affect them at all. If stating an opinion turns into "I judge you for thinking _______, then I'd just as soon as delete the post and take a break-probably a good idea for me.


    Ranger, you are correct and I apologize for taking it another direction, it was never my intention to do so... sometimes my fingers run faster than my brain. I've deleted it as it obviously serves no place here and does not follow in the original posts direction.
  • nevermind.
  • deleted
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