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oh, for crying out loud...

WramblerWWrambler Posts: 1,588
edited 06/11/2012 - 7:48 AM in Depression and Coping
Exactly why do we bother? What is the point of all this?

Pain from doing to much I can understand, I did it, I pay the bill. Pain for no reason at all, except stress? just totally P.O's me X(

We have this perfect weekend, last weekend and I felt awful all weekend. No matter what I tried it just didn't let up. Now is day 4 and I have had enough already...Pain... really poor sleep, tossing and turning all night. Playing with Shadow hurts, SCS is getting laughed at. People at work are slowly driving me nuts, constant complaining because the building is too hot, too cold, too humid, too dry...day after day.

They say that stress brings on pain and can trigger depressive episodes, well I could write a bleepin book on it right now! I'm getting pretty close to taking a "mental health" day to see if that helps.

I've got all this stuff that I 'want" to do and I can't get my mind to wrap around things well enough to actually do them. I can't see the tree through the forest. Yeah I meant to say it that way! Honestly, when there are so many things that "need" or I "want" done I can't isolate one enough to get it done.

How many other people can relate to this? I think I'm going to see the low side of the bipolar thing for a while.
I can only keep trying till something breaks its spell.

Hmmm, perhaps if I click my ruby red slippers together three times and say, "there's no place like home"? I doubt that will work as home is where all the projects are and work is where all the stress is.

I don't think we are in Kansas any more Toto...


  • I have the same problem...all the time. I always knew I was a procrastinator. But then there are the times that I know I have to do something and I just let it go. Can't tell you how many times I have paid late fees when I had the money sitting in my checking account ready to pay the bill.

    Only way I know to deal with it is to find one small thing that I know I can accomplish. Once that is done more usually follows.

    As far as stress OMG!!! There is no question that it aggrivates the pain. But on the flip side I find interacting with people is a great distraction. So you need to find the right balance.
  • Isn't it stupid. It is so darn circular. One thing just leads to another. 1 night of no sleep because of pain begets more pain and so on and so an so on.
    Do you have anything to take ..both for pain and/or for the stress? I know it could be hard to admit but the mental side of all of this needs treatment also.

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  • Wrambler that sounds like me exactly.

  • Ooooh, Wrambler, don't I know exactly how you feel! The only thing I can say, what I do is prioritize, be it by what I can do right now, or what needs to be done right now, and then forget the rest and focus on that one thing. Once you're done, if you are able, move on to the next. It might take days, but over that time, you can re-prioritize depending on how you feel.

    When I get to the point where you're at now, where everyone and everything is pulling on my last painful nerve, I do take a mental health day. You need to take care of your mind, so that you can continue to take care of your body. Without our minds, where would we be? Go ahead and take it. Forget the tasks that need to be done and everyone else for a day, and just focus on you, and how to get yourself back on track.

    I don't know what kind of meds that you take for the bipolar disorder, if the doc can prescribe you something to take care of the anxiety for the day, but I would definitely be calling and talking to the doc about what you're going through right now.

    Go home, take care of you, focus on the positive things in your life, remember happy memories, and remember to breathe! Deep belly breaths, they work wonders. I don't know if you're into this sort of thing or not, but I do find that taking slow deep breaths in and out does relax my body. If you want to go a step further, visualize something that's positive, or remember that happiest time in your life. Some people like that sort of thing, some people don't but at least try the breathing, I know it helps me. Take care of yourself!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Wrambler,

    I wish I could grab a "pain-free blanket" and throw it around you! I too don't have a "real" problem with hurting more after doing something I shouldn't, and too get totally P.O'd when I do hurt and behaved!

    I'm kind of two people. There is the procrastinator me and the "I have to get this done" now me. Many times when I hurt, those two critters have a bitter fight! I also at times will throw my arms up and give in, and take that mental health break!

    From what I've seen of your posts, your family is pretty darn supportive. Have you talked with your wife about what you're feeling? It might help to get some of it off your chest. If you have, and you're still feeling this way, for sure take a day off and devote it to your inner release and healing. I hope you are feeling better soon. *HUGZ*

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
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  • I appreciate your support very, very much, all of you.

    yes I have Valium, but it is taken as a long term help for back spasms so it no longer really helps my anxiety much. Being at the end of the month and even though I am allowed an extra one or two a day when we hit this time there is not any extra to work from.

    What I want to do and know it is a baaadddd idea is to just stop taking everything. Bipolar people do that and so I intellectually know not to do that, but there is a part of me that just says, NO MORE.

    As for an extra day off, I do believe I will preserver until Monday. I can make a 4 day weekend by waiting till then as we have Tuesday off. I need to take my Rambler out and just drive, my luck it will rain...

    I felt ever so slightly better this morning. I paced myself through Shadow play time, he is such smart PIA. He knows so much that about 80% of the time he does exactly what we ask him to do. The other 20% he cocks his head to one side and says," Why would I do that right now?, maybe later..." =)) They are trying to teach "pushups" in obediance school. You say, Lay down, then sit, lay down, then sit. It's supposed to burn off energy and calm them.
    Shadow just says, Say what? you people are crazy..
    Last night was his class and we did not get to walk him on the trail due to the storm front coming down on us. So, poor Shadow was all wound up and just could not contain his puppyness.

    I sure wish I could figure out what I need to do to get rid of the paralysis of actually doing something right now. Stuck, Stuck, Stuck. ~X(
  • It is evident from reading your posts for quite awhile that you have a good sense of humor, maybe dark/dry humor sometimes, but it IS humor.

    I can imagine what my dogs think of me some days (she's goofy! We don't want to do THAT! Good grief, she's on the recliner again). But our pets can also be so calming, you know, when they just want to sit on/by you and be loved. Of course, they can wreak havoc too!

    I know what you mean about the being in "stuck mode". It can be hard to shake it off. But never fear, spiney friends are here! My outfit is blue, get your own tights and cape!!

    Hope I at least gave you a chuckle,


  • ( ( HUGS ) ) buddy. So sorry for what you are going through right now.

    Last month, I hit the wall and couldn't figure out what had happened! I had my entire family trying to figure out - had I done too much? Had anyone seen me trip, bump into anything......anyone have any ideas? No one did. But my pain was OFF THE CHARTS. Hubs begged me to get an early appointment but that just messes everything up.

    So I waited and suffered 3 long weeks. Long story - it was the new formula oxycontin that didn't work in my system. I am so mad!!! For the last few weeks, I've been in med transition - they pulled me off oxy cold turkey due to the horrible side effects and are ramping me up on MS Contin, but it is a work in progress.

    The suffering continues, although getting better. I have had to just stop hating on Purdue and the addicts for whom this new formulation was created. I was just following all the rules, under-medicated as a general rule and then I felt the rug was pulled out under me.

    I truly do not know how some of you work - I would be under a table. I would definitely take that mental health day OR TWO, just to give yourself a break.....from life!

    So much else going on as well - major life stress, MAJOR.

    We will get through it - somehow we will!! We just need a break for a change!

    ( ( HUGS ) )

  • Hey my buddy...my friend...Stop beating yourself up for overdoing it!! We ALL do that at times.
    It may not have been anything you did or did not do that brought on this flare up!
    It could have been a weather change,a solar flare, a moon change or any number of things that bring on a flare up. Sometimes we never know what brings one on.
    Yesterday I FINALLY recovered from a two week flare up and guess what!! This cold front moved in overnight and now I am having ANOTHER one. I can feel the pain getting worse by the hour and there is not a blasted thing I can do to ease it either.
    Go easier on yourself Mark! I just don't believe you really did anything to bring this on.
    Toss a ball to Shadow for me and stop beating yourself up or I gonna come beat your ar$e!!
    Patsy W :H
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