Greetings Spineys, I just officially joined but have been veiwing this site off and on since 08. I finally decided to have the surgery and have it scheduled for August 8th. I've felt guilty for deciding to have it done, since I feel that if you look at me you would say, why do you need surgery, there is nothing wrong with you. I am in constant pain, not as bad as some of the spineys here, but I still hurt. Having trouble falling asleep and staying asleep. Probably the depression. I have extreme depression and have since I was in my early 20's. I have to be on meds for it. When I wasn't I just wanted to disappear. Self medicated with alcohol. haven't had a drink since march 28th 2009. Yesterday was a hard one for me. I've been moody and irritable. I had a meeting to go to that I brought my husband with and was driving his car. Twice I ran up on a curb and the second time buggered up his wheel. A new one would cost $450. I've had some issues lately, probably due to being distracted with planning for the surgery. My husband is worried now that I am not safe to drive. I live outside of Atlanta GA and the commute is over an hour into work. I know that sitting is bad for my back too. I do remember reading on one of the posts that getting very emotional before the surgery isn't uncommon. But after hitting the curb for the second time yesterday, I just broke down, wanted to disappear, and drown myself in alcohol. I just have to push it all back in and not let that demon rear it's head. I WILL NOT DRINK AGAIN!!! Thanks for letting me rant. There are times where I want to drink again, but like I told my mother, I just remember what I did and how I felt the next morning and that is enough to keep me away.