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When does it become enough?



  • I also am sorry for your lose.I myself am struggling with whether to end it all. I know it is a selfish act and something I don't want to do. I never thought I would even consider it because I don't believe in it but when does the suffering become so unbearable you can't deal with it anymore. My husband is a retired police detective and when he was considering retiring, we had to think of a way to make a living afterwards and we started a crime scene cleaning business. We did that for 13 years, until this past January. I have read a lot of suicide notes and seen the pain left for those loved ones left behind, it is a tradgic situation. I never thought I would be one to consider it myself! I don't want to put my family through that pain but how much pain am I suppose to live with. I am putting them through so much apin as it is because they don't know what to do to help me and I am not living much of a life anyway. I have just had my 2nd surgery and it really hasn't helped and created some new problems. I have been dealing with this for 12 years. My family doctor says I had surgery I should be fine and quit treating my pain, cold turkey. The surgeon allows me 4 hydrocodones 4 times a day but it is not giving me enough relief and I still hurt alot and cry alot. I haven given up everything I love and I don't do anything at all except go to grocery once a week. I use to spend my life volunteering and helping people. I have no friends anymore because people don't like to be around people in pain. My husband is depressed because he doesn't know how to help me. I found a pain clinic that will help me but not until a doctor agrees to sign a pain contract to take over care in 6 months. I told my doctor about this and he said good and I told him he has to sign the contract and he said no way. So I have no doctor. I have called about 40 doctors and I can't even get my foot in the door because now adays they ask up front what you are taking and when you get to pain medicine they ssay we can't help you. If you do find a doctor that will see you, you have to wait at least a month to get in and lets face it, on your first visit they don't know you and are reluctant to deal with pain issues or they want to start at the beggining and try all the things you have already been doing for the last 12 years. I don't have much pain medicine left, no doctor, and I don't know what todo. All I know is I can't take that much pain. I am not crazy, I enjoy life and I do want to live, but I can't take that much pain. No one wants to get involved in pain issues and it doesn't seem like the medical community cares whether you live or die. If you take pain medicine for an extended period of time you are made to feel like you have a problem. I feel like because I have back issues and pain problems, I am clumped in with the addicts, or like what works on average should work for all. I know there is help out there but I can'y seem to find it in this area and time is running out. It is unfair to want to live
    and enjoy life but you can't find the help. Just because you need pain medicine doesn't mean you can't live a useful, productive and happy life.
    Suicide might be said to be the easy way out but it is a painful decision and something I don't want to do, but I know I can't take that much pain, so where do I turn to for help?
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,385
    ..unbeleivable that doctors are behaving that way.
    Refusing to sign the form..etc.. So sorry for you.

    I have experienced the doubt from docs, but I now have meds to keep the edge off and to keep me out of the ER. Before that, I was in the ER regularly.

    The emergency room may be an option to get the care you need until you are recommended to a pain management doctor.

    Unbearable pain without treatment is unbelievable in this day and age.

    I would hope you would go to the ER for pain relief, each and every time. Eventually, one of the docs should come across your case and get a doc to take care of you.

    But taking care of yourself is not easy. I say this to myself as I say to you. Going to the ER is not a weak move..it's taking care of yourself because, sadly, noone else understands. For like example, if it was your sister or child, you would be relentless in finding help.

    Suffering, being weak and exhausted...it's not easy.. but try to be relentless in pleading your case as you would for someone you love.

    Be relentless in with your tears, exclamations of agnony and no relief..no relief..no relief. If you need to imagine yourself as the child you were, so be it. Do not stop caring for this person in horrific pain and who is begging for relief.

    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

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  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,385
    ...be in my thoughts and prayers. And your family, also.
    I do know the aloneness and thoughts.
    Please stay connected. You're not alone and we're here for you!
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

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