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not at all sure where to post this one????

tammycttammyc Posts: 894
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:56 AM in Pain Management
For anyone who has been on the low back pain forum lately you know that i just had an ESI done on friday. I went through very intese pain for three days afterwards and its finally starting to feel somewhat better. I'm still not where i would like to be ,but i'm sure most people on here aren't thats why were here. I didn't realize until this evening how emotionally exhausting what i went through really was. The pain almost on top of all the pain that i was dealing with was emotional chaos. I could feel myself stuffing down the pain inside just to get through the situation. I just don't want to do that anymore and i'm not sure that i can handle the pain that i still have on a daily basis. I have an apt. with my doctor tomorrow morning and i'm dreading having to talk with her about the injection and how i am emotionally. You see all this pain i'm trying to deal with is bringing out a tendancy to self injure that i had from childhood. A problem totally unrelated to what's happening with me now but still my way of dealing with the stress and chronic pain.I HAVE NOT yet done anything to harm myself but i keep having overwhelming urges to do so just to distract myself from the pain for a short while. My fear isn't of what she might think of me but actually her thoughts as too the medications that i'm taking whether or not i should be on them,how that will affect a neurologists ways to treat me?, if i will need surgery will they do it while in this state of mind? But this state of mind is caused by the constant pain that i'm having.Please can anyone off any advice!!!! :(


  • i don't really know what to say or what advice to offer because i haven't dealt with what you're going through, but feel i need to post if to say nothing more than try some alternatives to what you want to do in your mind. be it aromatherapy, music, games, reading, whatever you can to stifle that feeling of hurting yourself.

    i think i do know what you mean, and it seems that you're losing control over your emotions due to the constant pain. it very well could be med related and that needs to be addressed. if not, there could be some med or therapy that could help those emotions and thoughts that are creeping into your mind.

    if you're discussing this with your pcp or a doc other than the neurologist, why would the neuro need to know? if you can get this under control or even if you can't, the neuro doesn't need to know and put a wrinkle in your future with your them. there's no reason for your surgeon to know about the emotional side of how you're dealing with your ongoing pain. it may be a pain psychologist that you need to see - i'd bet that this is nothing new to someone who's treated chronic pain patients before.

    i'd suggest starting to help yourself by looking at ron's "the blend", the link is here:


    it might even be a good idea to pm ron and talk to him about this as he's been dealing with this for so long and seems to be on a never-ending road of surgeries (thus obvious pain), non-spine related lately.

    anything to distract you from the pain and these renewed feelings of wanting to hurt yourself. i know that suggesting distraction seems way too simple, but i also know that it works for many spineys. but you really have to put your mind to it. it's like stopping smoking - every time you get the urge, you need to do something else, anything else, to change the pattern of thinking, something healthy.

    i know this is a very, very difficult situation you're dealing with and my heart goes out to you, but there are options to dealing with the pain.

    i hope that even one thing i posted can help in some small way at least, my friend. i hate to see you going through so much and want to be there for you.

    take care and i'm glad you posted. there may be others here battling something similar and can offer advice as to how they deal with it.

  • Tammy what meds are you taking right now? For the past year I've been working through more than a dozen meds trying to find the right one without side effects. I know that a few of them had the instant effect of making me depressed and having thoughts of harming myself.

    You really need to talk to your doc about what you are taking. And if there isn't anything obvious then it might be time for some counciling. Dealing with the pain, uncertainty and frustration is enough to affect anyone. Don't be ashamed of how you feel....if your toe hurt you would tell the doctor so your brain is hurting and needs help too.
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  • Gosh Tammy >:D< I am so sorry that your feeling so bad. I am in the same boat now for a couple weeks with out a break. The thought of another surgery is terrifing to me (I am sure you have the same panic I am having). Will it ever end? I am terrified.

    I feel like if I don't look at it/talk about it with my family & friends it isn't real. Also I do have some strange thoughts entering my head (nothing like hurting myself) just weird crap like I am some one else doing something bad. Maybe it is a day dream? I am sure my meds combined with the pain and stress and worst GUIILT are causing me to be a little nutty.

    I say GUILT since I feel guilty for having the spine issues I have. We were supposed to go to Spain next spring 20 yr anniversery and high school graduation. I am in collections over medical bills that haven't been paid since I have 4 insurances (auto & health) and no one wants to be reasonsible. Every extra dollar goes to paying for medication and small monthly payments to my bills. And more are coming....

    Sorry to HiJack your thread...

    I hope you can talk to someone and you can see that everything will work out. Please check in and let us know you are ok. >:D< >:D< >:D<

  • Hi everyone i just wanted to come on and keep you's updated as to whats been happening. I had physical therapy yesterday and was telling my therapist about how bad the pain was and there was a new therapist there as well and they spoke and she came and talked to me about doing ice baths to see if it would calm down the nerve pain. Since therapy isn't helping much i figured i'd give it a go. I did my first one tonight and holy crap was it cold :O i managed to stay in it for twenty min. though and when i got out the pain and aching was gone. After the first few min. i actually started to enjoy it because i was so numb that i couldn't feel the pain anymore. I got out and went and laid in bed and put my heating blanket on to warm myself up and i actually fell asleep for a few hours. It was the best sleep i'd had since the injection.Tomorrow night is my anniversary so i plan on doing an ice bath in the afternoon to that i don't have the severe pain while i'm out.We have reservations for dinner.
  • >:D< Yeah I am so happy for you. <:P <br />
    It sounds aweful but you may be on to something :)

    Have fun tomorrow!

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  • Tammyc just wanted to say Happy Anniversary, and I'm glad that you found something so simple as the ice bath to give you relief. It goes back to what Cathie linked to, The Blend. It can take several things blended to give us relief, like ice/heat, meds, meditation, etc. Hope you have a nice time out with hubby to celebrate!
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
  • Just an update because its been a while since i was on i just wanted to come back on and let everyone know that the ice bath did help the pain that i was having at the time. Unfortunately it also started to make my muscles tighten up and i started having bad muscle spasms,which isn't pleasant either. lol.As of right now i'm having pain but it is not as bad as it was before,but i have had to scale back a lot of what i've been doing unfortunately just to keep the pain level down. I have seen a counselor to talk about my pain situation,i feel very comfortable with him and hopefully he'll be able to help me threw this situation that i keep finding myself in. ;))
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