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Lack of support structure

William GarzaWilliam Garza TexasPosts: 3,933
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:57 AM in Matters of the Heart
This journey is getting to be too long and too draining. The support from family and friends has gone away, what happened to" I'll be there through thick and thin?" To well you just have to suck it up and move on, funny how that works no? Having given years of heart, hard work and finacial support to family, and now when Ime down, to...suck it up.

To a other half who has grown tired of unconditional love, support and care and decided that another person who has"ability" not "less" ability makes the grass greener and wet with dew in the mornings.

Where do all the things I did and do go when Ive become a burden, an inconvienience, an emberrassment?
William Garza
Spine-Health Mod

Welcome to Spine-Health



  • MetalneckMetalneck The Island of Misfit toysPosts: 1,778
    .... the same happened to me .... when the going got tough .... she got going - away!!

    3 weeks after my last big surgery .... she (the ex) let me know that she was divorcing me .... so
    I lost my health, my career, my $, soon (eventually) my house of 20 years, etc etc all within 3 - 5 years .... But I will be damned if I allow all of this to make me lose my sanity or gratutude for the few things I have remaining. A great daughter 19(who is getting married in a couple of weeks so I WILL be around - God willing long enough to walk her down the isle) my son ... 16 and a techno nerd with a heart and brain of steel (good things) and my big 100 pound 11 y/o yellow lab!!

    And of course - priceless - the friends and support I have found via our little Spine Health family here in cyberspace.

    With understanding,

  • sorry to you both i too am in the same boat the friend you had the phone calls stop so do the visits and and and ..carnt say too much i have my reasons .try to stay strong
    1997 laminectomy
    2007 repeat laminectomy and discectomy L4/L5
    2011 ALIF {L4/L5/S1}
    2012 ? bowel problems .still under investigation
    2014 bladder operation may 19th 2014
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  • I'm feeling for you, here. I personally have a good support structure from family and friends alike, but understand to some extent the difficulty of non-support because I can't tell anyone at work how I feel or my limitations because of the job I'm required to do and it may be more than I can ultimately handle. Some see it, some don't, and I appreciate those that do and lend a hand.

    I'm so sorry about the other half, in fact kinda pissed, because I'd like to shake some sense into her. You've been one of the most thoughtful, caring and helpful members over the years and if what you are now, whatever the limitations, isn't good enough, then even though it hurts, she is what she is and perhaps not meant to be with you.

    You know where all the things you did and do go? Inside your own heart and that's more valuable than anybody else's. You know what you've done, you know what you do, and it's your pride and joy. If someone doesn't appreciate that, so long - you still have it. You know your sacrifices and can hold them close.

    I don't want you to think I'm making this flippant and/or frivilous, but you, my friend, are one of the best cyper people I know. I often wish we lived close enough to get together easily.

    With all that said, my heart is with you and to hear you so down is difficult for those of us that know you. Like Dave said, there's always SH forums and many of us are just a phone call away.

    If you want my number or to give me yours, just PM me and I'll be one of those that knows the problems and doesn't care about them. Maybe it's time to get some friends who truly care about what's happening, because we're in it for the long haul, my friend.

    Take care and PM me if you want to. Cyber hug to you.
  • I appreciate the shoulders!
    It seems as if Of a sudden, not being so able to do things has made me optional. I cant blame her for looking at greener pastures and then just going, Ive become the "friend"

    It must be nice to have sooo much love in the world to just be able to throw it away. the arrogance is astonishing.

    Being made insecure about the status of where I'll be living, or if my physical relationship was of no consequence.
    I think that was the difference between her and I, when I said love, I actually ment it.

    I'ts funny how others behave when the going grows tuff, There is a saying that "You are what you do when it counts" I think its true.

    Dave. I dont know why it is easy for some people to just walk away. As if the time thats passed has no meaning and that the love had no substance. The gratitude I have is rooted in optimism, but its hard to be gratefull when my optimism is fading, thank you for the shoulder.
    Tony, Hang in there buddy, the not knowing is the worst.

    Cathy, My good and faithful friend, thank you for the ray of sunshine in my darkness. Ive let her free, its up to her to decide if she wants a true and loving heart, or if she just wants to pretend she wont grow older and hold on to the arrogant notion that the sun will always be at her back. I have a somewhat clear concience in this, Ive given truely and openly and will walk away with my dignity.
    Thank you guys for the time and shoulders,
    have a safe, and pain free day as you guys can
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • My wife (now ex-wife) thought a good time to disappear was the day I went into hospital, having first emptied our joint account.

    Things for me looked grim and got much grimmer.
    Unfortunately my stay in hospital was 16 weeks and 2 days, 15 weeks longer than anticipated, thanks to MRSA.

    I returned home on crutches to find a pile of correspondence on ther doormat. The first letter I opened was from the mortgage company informing me I was about to lose my house.

    Welcome home!

    I was pretty upset at the time, of course, but 8 years on having rebuilt my life, I realise it was a blessing in disguise.

    If things had not happened the way they did I might not have discovered my wife's true feelings towards me and who my real friends were until it was too late to do anything about it.

    As it is, I was able to start again happier and more appreciative of things and people that really matter to me.


    I'm not young enough to know everything - Oscar Wilde
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  • Thats a rough way to find out. 16 weeks, good lord! its not easy but ime just trying to breath again right now, tommorrow maybe i'll take the first deep breath for a long time, we'll see
    thanks for sharing your story
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • With Tony,

    Have to scoop you BOTH UP in deep and loving hugs!!! I too like Tony am lucky in that mine said when bigger surgery looked likely, "In sickness and in health", and he means and meant it!

    There are some out there no matter what you do or say for them, failing health to them, that is just something they can't handle,... even refuse to so state!

    Please don't think YOU ALL are failures or are less a person due to your so called "significant others", (and maybe even your kids - Okay?) If you do that, or allow that, then you are validating what they said, which is FURTHEST from the truth. You're both wonderful, and I know on here, WE ALL CARE AND GET IT and are there for ya's!!! Big support ***HUGZ*** to you both!!! Signed...little ole Me!!!

    PCTF C4 - T2, Laminectomies C5, C6 & C7. Severe Palsy left arm/hand.
  • Sorry to hear about the lack of support from family and friends. All my friends and family have stopped calling also. My husband and I are just friends also but under the same roof for now. You can only give so much in this kind of situation.

    I don't know why the other half just gives up and stops supporting you even before seeking any therapy and not sure if they would even help? i have heard though that if someone loved you before it's possible that they can love you again. Maybe some time apart will help. Hugs and hope you know we're here for you. Warm regards. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • Little snide remarks, actually calling me "stupid and worthless" why dont I grow up and get a job, be a man, "you can do this, its just you dont want to try" a no one, never been good for nothing. my pain is bigger than yours, ive got more problems than you, you never do anything for me, you never do anything, and what you do isnt worth it...

    example of my familys "support" structure.

    nice no?

    little looks of scorn? i guess when they talk about work and have i found a job yet, Oh you havent been working? how do you get things..well guess what, I havent bought anything for myself for over a year, my clothes are clean, but far from new, I dont smell, I dont eat too much, I am a good well mannered somewhat cultured person, and "ITS NOT GOOD ENOUGH"

    Sound familiar?
    the footsteps I hear down the empty hall are in my head, as I walk away from here.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I used to live in a nice house in a very desirable suburb. The new, poor me lives in what is by comparison, an "upholstered shoe box" on the wrong side of town. My neighbours now are predominately from the Indian sub-continent.

    I don't have a great deal to do with them as they prefer to socialize amongst themselves, but what I have observed is how strong their family ties seem to be compared with my own and how respectful they are towards their old and infirm.

    I suppose the self obsessed consumer society we have become has lost that sense of obligation and commitment that we see in cultures where the extended family survives.

    I expect in time these people will forget their traditions (except the holdidays and easy stuff of course)and become more like the rest of us, taking more and giving less and thinking only of number one.

    Pardon me for rambling.

    I'm not young enough to know everything - Oscar Wilde
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