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Lack of support structure

2

Comments

  • Ime thinking along the same lines that the economy etc is bringing out the worst in folks, Ime a peacemaker by nature, so when I speak up everyone seems offended, so its easyer being passive and keeping a roof over my head. this isnt new, its been going on since i was retired by W.C.
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • so many social problems are caused by the Me Generation, and when life has stopped being a bowl of cherries, some people just can't handle it and they head for greener pastures. I feel for you, Ranchhaand and Mick. You're in the right place here. Feel free to vent whenever you feel the need to.

    An expression I heard in a 12 Step program was, "One door closes, a wider one opens." You certainly deserve better than what you had, and...who knows...it may appear down the road. Hang in there! Love 'n >:D< , Ess
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  • It's good to get out of that environment where people make those awful remarks. I really want to get away from the abuse also. The only ones who really care are my Mom and siblings but I don't see them a lot. I try to hang onto positive affirmations and refuse to believe any negative remarks to me. Like Essmoe says one door closes and another one opens. Time to think of yourself and do what makes you happy. I like your poems. Wishing you better days ahead, you deserve it. Hugs. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • had a talk with my... dont know what to call her now, other half guess. told her the contents of my heart and soul. she took it like a woman. I told her of the sound of my heart breaking was the sound of metal tinkling away into the darkness. I told her of the time i wait by the phone and of the conversation we would have.
    I told her that she shattered what was left of my love saturday when she spent the night with a "friend"

    I lead with my heart, not my nethers. I trust my heart before my intellect. because right now my mind is screaming of betrayal. everything, every clue is there, but one, my heart "knows" her, there is that still moment between skips, where i know her faithfulness is true.

    Ime not delusional by any means, the ultimatum was cast to her feet last night, I laid it all out. If there is any chance of an "us" in the future, I would weather any storm, wait any time, walk any desert to get to the place of "us".
    But if not, the pain is too great to be her "friend"
    She had the grace to shed a tear.

    My life has become shattered from prolonged emotional and physical privation. you know the story of the emotional toll the last few months have taken from me. hence the thread.

    the physical aspect has been going on far longer,
    I am tired, the road has grown too long and too many hills lay before me.

    Combined, they have drained me of life.

    I was strong once and free, now, just the mearest shadow remains.

    Without the love of self, where is the will to go on?
    without the love of another, where is the will to aspire?

    I feel like a shell of a person, my "self" making a appearance in life, to present a facade, to present the other cheek to this life, to this place, to this shadow ive become.

    This "she" was a positive and a reminant of my support structure, but she has her life to lead and to follow her own inner voice and drive, I gave her leave last night to follow where her heart leads, I am too tired to fight. and of the fight.

    there is no home where there is no love. there is no love at home, there is however, a spark of hope guttering in this night which has settled over me.

    I told her there are seasons to a persons life.

    The spring, we are young and full of promise

    The summer, we begin to grow and fill out that promis

    the fall, where we cast our leaves in a final show of our inner beauty.

    then the winter sets its vice over us and we are no longer young, and where there will be no spring this coming year.

    I offered her my fall colors, this last vestage of beauty ive left to give.

    thank you for the time and consideration and patience for my monologe.
    have a blessed day
    ranch

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • I read somewhere that a relationship has to be built on a foundation. Most people will go along in their lives and never really test the foundation. Life is easy for them. But for some life throws things at the relationship and the foundation is shaken. If the foundation has flaws then it will fail.

    The point is that many people will live their lives in a relationship that has a faulty foundation but since it is never tested they just accept it the way it is. Ranch your foundation has been tested and the flaws are showing. It's up to you and your SO to decide if you are going to take the steps to fix the foundation or if you are going to let if crumble.

    Several years ago I was on the other side of chronic pain. My husband had several injuries and surgeries and the healing took months. He still lives in pain, but at that time he was very upset because it wasn't certain that he would ever work again. We had our bad moments as I tried to reassure him and also had to work with him to get him out of his depression. We had many arguments about what he was not doing. Finally he realized that he would be in pain if he did nothing or if he did something. He probably would qualify for SSD but it isn't what he wants for our lives at this time. So he tries his best to live as normal a life as possible.

    So in defense of all the significant others I want to say that it isn't easy being in a relationship with someone who is in pain and dealing with all the other things that come with it. And sometimes you have to walk away because there is nothing more you can do. And as someone who will live in pain for the rest of my life I know that every day is a battle to live the best life that I can. I will never give up because I want the most normal life possible for my family. If you want something bad enough you will fight for it.
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  • :( Wow that's so sad but I like the way you're so descriptive. Hugs and hold on, there's love out there waiting for someone who has so much love to give like you do. Why be around someone who is always on you though? Maybe talking with a Counselor or Dr. will help. Charry
    DDD of lumbar spine with sciatica to left hip,leg and foot. L4-L5 posterior disc bulge with prominent facets, L5-S1 prominent facets with a posterior osteocartilaginous bar. Mild bilateral foraminal narrowing c-spine c4-c7 RN
  • the SO i have is champion when it comes to caring for others, wont care enough to accept love for herself. I thought i could make a difference for her, im slowly moving on piece by bitter piece to where i can go away. she said she dont want me away from her sons as i have been a positive influence on those angels. they have had enough of badness from their biological dads.
    i have given them a "father" figure" she says,they try to emulate when facing tough decisions and ive tryed to be an example of being a gentleman first last and always. letting them go, all of them is what ime doing when ime letting go of her. you cant help who your heart desires, you cant help trying to make love work, and you cant make a person love you in return, it has to be mutual.

    there IS much love to give, but inside a flawed vessel, who would look beyond the superficial and see the quantity and quality and potential for the good stuff inside?

    thats kind of my story though, always trying to find someone who will see whats inside, vs the choice to pass over a ugly rock in the field.
    thank you Charry, you've been a good "picker upper" of me when ime down, as have all of you guys.
    the storm isnt over, ive just bent a little to not break is all.

    ranch

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Kris-NY said:
    I read somewhere that a relationship has to be built on a foundation. Most people will go along in their lives and never really test the foundation. Life is easy for them. But for some life throws things at the relationship and the foundation is shaken. If the foundation has flaws then it will fail.

    The point is that many people will live their lives in a relationship that has a faulty foundation but since it is never tested they just accept it the way it is. Ranch your foundation has been tested and the flaws are showing. It's up to you and your SO to decide if you are going to take the steps to fix the foundation or if you are going to let if crumble.

    Several years ago I was on the other side of chronic pain. My husband had several injuries and surgeries and the healing took months. He still lives in pain, but at that time he was very upset because it wasn't certain that he would ever work again. We had our bad moments as I tried to reassure him and also had to work with him to get him out of his depression. We had many arguments about what he was not doing. Finally he realized that he would be in pain if he did nothing or if he did something. He probably would qualify for SSD but it isn't what he wants for our lives at this time. So he tries his best to live as normal a life as possible.

    So in defense of all the significant others I want to say that it isn't easy being in a relationship with someone who is in pain and dealing with all the other things that come with it. And sometimes you have to walk away because there is nothing more you can do. And as someone who will live in pain for the rest of my life I know that every day is a battle to live the best life that I can. I will never give up because I want the most normal life possible for my family. If you want something bad enough you will fight for it.
    Ime doing all i can to make it work. i believe the same about making a start with a rock solid foundation of love, respect and honesty. ive built my life around principals like those.

    This is all revolving around her decision to move on and forward with or without me. ive no choice, i love this woman, within and without, flawed and perfect. i love unconditionally,

    she has a history and a past we still deal with with abuse and other horrific things perpetrated against her person and spirit.

    I give the full benefit of the doubt to her every time something happens, but the favor is not returnd, she is flawed and exasperating, she is exciting and wondrous, she is woman.

    You touched on a subject i was wondering about. the other side. ive tryed to see the issue of me from both sides. hers and mine.

    I am holding her back, i am the jacked up "other" who never goes out. Ive given her complete and utter freedom from the beginning to see friends and aquaintances of any gender to go out and enjoy what i cant do.
    so ive been understanding when other men friends she knew and has met wherever come in and out of our lives.

    complete freedom of will and action, relying on the ties of love to help her decide whether an action is appropriate for the good of us.

    that is my gift to her, freedom to choose the path.

    i always try to see both sides of any issue, and make a informed decision based on that, i dont blame her for straying, the walking away is inevitable, she has her life to lead and i have mine. who is the fool here, the one who believes, or the one who does not.
    Foundation, could not a foundation broken into pieces be used in the mix for the new one? i think so if you use the right pieces. the lessons learned here will be used when the rebuilding of my/our lives begin.

    thank you Kris
    Ranch
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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