Here I am the night before the biggest surgery of my life and I am feeling so very strange. I feel scared, excited, jittery, calm, worried, and many other things all at the same time. I'm sure many others at this site can relate to the jumble of emotions before back surgery.
I think was scares me the most is how much I'm going to need other to do basic things. I am a mom and I take care of other people, not the other way around! I am so unused to having other people take care of me, and it is very worrisome to be in the position of needing others, especially for the months it is going to take to recover from this.
I can't help but wonder when they are going to get tired of me complaining and talking about my back? How long before the hobbling girl in pain all the time becomes someone they avoid at all costs? In my head I don't think my kids or friends feel that way about me, but maybe I'm a little insecure about being valued the same way I value others.
I'm going to promise to try my best to NOT talk about my back all the time after this surgery. I don't want to become a one-dimensional person that is only "that woman with back problems". I'm so much more than that, and I can't let this recovery and all the pain that is coming starting tomorrow define the rest of my life.
Thanks for letting me worry at you all