Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

advertisement

Quick Start Forum Video Tutorial

    Forum-Tutorial-Screenshot
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

Notice
All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

The main site has all the formal medical articles and videos for you to research on.
advertisement

How do we want to be treated?

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,772
This is something that all of us at one time or another want.

While in Pain
We just started to experience spinal problems, pain and discomfort. Our family sees whats going on and soon our friends start to notice. We are scared, and depending on the level of our pain and at what stage, we could be very scared.
At first some of us may want sympathy. We want others to feel bad for us. We want to hear others tell us that they wish they could do something and are sorry we are in so much pain. At this point, we can become the focus of attention.
And depending on our pain level, we may like this.

Prior to Surgery
Finally after dealing with the pain, the decision was to have surgery. So now, we can really suck up the focus of attention.
The stock market may be low, the Yankees did not win the World Series, but its all about me. I am having surgery so I want everyone to pay me notice.

As we get closer to the surgery date, all of a sudden, we dont worry about being the focus of attention, instead, we have a reality check... Shoot, I am actually going to have this surgery! Fear sets in. We are not as much looking to be the focus of attention but are more concerned about how we are going to get through the surgery.

The Surgery
Ok, initially we are so drained, that we really dont give a rats blah about how we feel or how we are being treated. But soon, the strong medications start to leave and we start to feel some post surgery pain. Now, we are really looking to be the focus of attention. After all, we just had this surgery, we are in pain and we want everyone to feel sorry for us. We want sympathy. We want people to say Oh poor _such_such_name, I am so sorry that you are in pain, I hope you will start to feel better

The Recovery
Here is where we want everyone to feel sorry for us. After all, we cant do all the things we wanted to do. We are so limited.
We hurt, we cant move the way we used to, everything is a chore. So much discomfort, I cant find a comfortable way.
I start to go to Physical Therapy and it hurts, oh it hurts so bad. I start to curse the therapist. After all, isnt this suppose to help me, but instead it is causing more pain.

Please feel sorry for me, I was in pain before surgery, I had surgery and it was painful, now that I have started the recovery process, I am in more pain, every day... WHY, this is so unfair!!

The Aftermath
So, my days as a downhill skier is over, I cant jump the moguls anymore. But I look at everyone else and they can all do those things and are getting better at it. This is so unfair! My life is over!


Ever find yourself in one of those phases and feeling the same way? So much of all of this has to do with education and reality. We didnt know what to really expect, even though the doctors and others told us. But its here and real.
Do you think if you knew everything about the surgery, the post surgical time and then the recovery time, would you feel the same.?

Do we want to be treated as losers?, those who no longer have a life or something to give?
Or do we want to be viewed as someone who has struggled but are willing to do whatever it takes to get back up on our feet?

Its easy for me to write about these different phases ot times, because I've been there and have experienced so many of them. Its easy for me to look back now and say I dealt with them all and came out ahead without hurting other folks feelings and without hurting myself.

How have you been treated?
How do you want to be treated?

Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
advertisement

Comments

  • One thing I think people forget is doctors are human. Most go into medicine to do the right thing, help people make them better. They want to solve the mysteries inside you and make you feel better. I for one wouldn't want their job, in all honestly. They always have to listen to something being wrong in life, never something positive. With that said they do get hardened over time, by the insurance companies, patients whom play games on them and so on. Then someone comes along and they are in pain, but the images don't show it, till they know you, they have no idea if your real or not. But yet they are expected to do something, like I say no way I want their job.

    It would be a nice thing if they could just find the problem fix it, which is what most want, I would say 99.9% want that, but in the real world it just doesn't work out like that. We forget sometimes that is why it is called science for a reason, and not everything works the same each time. For some of us in the meantime of the figuring out what is wrong, we have to figure out what we can do or can't do?

    For some that might mean working for some not, but we still need to find ways to be productive. I believe everyone has something to give someone else? Sure physically maybe we can't help our friends move, but maybe we can cook a nice piece of meat in the slow cooker for those doing the moving? My point is we can still participate just have to find the means how? The other thing for us to participate in things it does take planning. We have to plan if on the day of the big move, maybe we are down in a lot of pain, but the move goes on. But maybe we planned to be ahead of the game the day before cook it load in the fridge and then it just needs heating up? The point is at the end of the day I still feel like I was part of it, maybe I didn't even deliver it, but I was their in spirit rooting them on with my world class pot roast. Obviously the move or the roast are not the point, the point is find away to stay in engaged in life, and be part of it. I have come to realize through this long journey that pain is going to be there wether I want it or not, and I need to plan to be in pain, but I am still going to be part of life. I focus on what I can do, and not what I can't. I just recently tried to get something going as far as work and I flopped big time, but guess what I will dust myself off, try something else. I may keep flopping who knows, but it does help to keep my mind engaged in life. I live to focus on what I can do, and not what I cant do, not what has gone wrong in all the surgeries and so on. Like everyone I get down, but I realized I am the only one who is going to get me back up again. Like everyone here, I do spend some days in bed, crying like a baby from the pain, it is what it is. But on those good days, I make the best of me.

    Winter is setting in and like many it is a horrible time for me, so I have put more rest periods into the day, trying to plan for some additional pain. The holidays are approaching and I know how hard they are for me, so this year I started in June. At the end of the day I may still be in bed for the holidays, but I know I gave it my all. My biggest lesson in all of this has been to plan. Sounds kind of silly to plan to be in pain, but we know it is there, just like we know christmas is December 25th wether we like it or not. I have also come to realize there is no magic surgery or pill, so I need to learn to deal with it. Do I wish it, sure, who wouldn't want to be out of this, but for now that is not the cards I been dealt, but I won't give up either. Maybe the day will come, and if it does I want to be emotionally, as physically ready as I can. I do also live by the notion there are people a lot worse than me either financially, physically, emotionally, homeless and so on, so maybe I should be thankful for what I do have. I don't want anyone else's pain, as I do now know my pain. I may not like it but I know it, and how it reacts and what it does. By the way that is huge defeat in itself. lastly I do reserve the rights to disagree with it, as well.
  • I would just love to find a Dr who is also a pain patient. Someone who understands pain from personal experience and not from reading out of a book. We can all do that!!! But when we are truly in pain and the Dr looks at us as though we are just drug seeking, then there we go with the Dr. He has judged us and now we are possibly without a Dr. It is a sad day......
  • advertisement
  • I'm not completely sure how this forum thing works. I do know this. I know that people can only give so much sympathy. They get tired of hearing how you hurt so I have quit saying anything to anyone. I can take care of myself. But I'm sorry that surgery did not solve your problem. The only person who will touch my back is my nurosurgeon. He doesn't want to see me until I have pain or numbness going down my left leg, so here I am just left with pain and Dr's looing at me going are you really in pain. Should we really give you pain meds? That is the part I am having trouble with, with Dr's. My pain will not go away probably for the rest of my life. Sometimes life just sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    While in Pain
    We just started to experience spinal problems, pain and discomfort. Our family sees whats going on and soon our friends start to notice. We are scared, and depending on the level of our pain and at what stage, we could be very scared.
    At first some of us may want sympathy. We want others to feel bad for us. We want to hear others tell us that they wish they could do something and are sorry we are in so much pain. At this point, we can become the focus of attention.
    And depending on our pain level, we may like this.

    Prior to Surgery
    Finally after dealing with the pain, the decision was to have surgery. So now, we can really suck up the focus of attention.
    The stock market may be low, the Yankees did not win the World Series, but its all about me. I am having surgery so I want everyone to pay me notice.

    As we get closer to the surgery date, all of a sudden, we dont worry about being the focus of attention, instead, we have a reality check... Shoot, I am actually going to have this surgery! Fear sets in. We are not as much looking to be the focus of attention but are more concerned about how we are going to get through the surgery.

    The Surgery
    Ok, initially we are so drained, that we really dont give a rats blah about how we feel or how we are being treated. But soon, the strong medications start to leave and we start to feel some post surgery pain. Now, we are really looking to be the focus of attention. After all, we just had this surgery, we are in pain and we want everyone to feel sorry for us. We want sympathy. We want people to say Oh poor _such_such_name, I am so sorry that you are in pain, I hope you will start to feel better

    The Recovery
    Here is where we want everyone to feel sorry for us. After all, we cant do all the things we wanted to do. We are so limited.
    We hurt, we cant move the way we used to, everything is a chore. So much discomfort, I cant find a comfortable way.
    I start to go to Physical Therapy and it hurts, oh it hurts so bad. I start to curse the therapist. After all, isnt this suppose to help me, but instead it is causing more pain.

    Please feel sorry for me, I was in pain before surgery, I had surgery and it was painful, now that I have started the recovery process, I am in more pain, every day... WHY, this is so unfair!!

    The Aftermath
    So, my days as a downhill skier is over, I cant jump the moguls anymore. But I look at everyone else and they can all do those things and are getting better at it. This is so unfair! My life is over!


    Ever find yourself in one of those phases and feeling the same way? So much of all of this has to do with education and reality. We didnt know what to really expect, even though the doctors and others told us. But its here and real.
    Do you think if you knew everything about the surgery, the post surgical time and then the recovery time, would you feel the same.?

    Do we want to be treated as losers?, those who no longer have a life or something to give?
    Or do we want to be viewed as someone who has struggled but are willing to do whatever it takes to get back up on our feet?

    Its easy for me to write about these different phases ot times, because I've been there and have experienced so many of them. Its easy for me to look back now and say I dealt with them all and came out ahead without hurting other folks feelings and without hurting myself.

    How have you been treated?
    How do you want to be treated?
  • It's in my signature. I'm not a spinal diagnosis, an intellectual or technical challenge to be resolved. I am Odile, I am a human being who happens to have a spinal diagnosis. And I daresay my life to date has probably been more interesting than many people who have never been seriously challenged by health issues that arise suddenly and completely beyond their control.

    I could go into a lot of that background, but won't. I've had to reinvent myself a couple of times. I may never be able to return to my most recent clinical nursing career, but I am, even as I recover from a spinal fusion, considering a career change as a paralegal and workers' compensation patient advocate.

    I am thoroughly committed to my recovery, and am following doctors' orders to the T. Nevertheless, I feel no embarrassment at receiving workers' comp benefits. I find that the most obnoxious treatment I've received to date is by able bodied people who seem to think that all comp cases are fraudulent. Interestingly, I've found that most of the comp fraud committed is by carriers and providers, the injured workers are extremely small potatoes in comparison.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with how I type or write. I have taken to contacting bureaucrats and legislators with some of the dirty laundry I've unearthed so far, such as having basic prescriptions denied by carriers, and lack of any oversight or maintenance on the list of approved providers in my state (at least three of the MDs on that list died several years ago. I should know, because I attended their funerals!)

    I've managed to cloak the iron fist in a velvet glove, but walking, sitting, or flat on my back, I'm a force to be reckoned with.
    I'm not a spinal diagnosis. I'm a human being with a spinal diagnosis.
  • [quote=fedexdriver53@yahoo.com
    The Aftermath
    So, my days as a downhill skier is over, I cant jump the moguls anymore. But I look at everyone else and they can all do those things and are getting better at it. This is so unfair! My life is over!


    Moguls screwed up my knees long before my back injury. I'm told I will still be able to do everything but bumps and jumps. Since I'm a week postop and there isn't a flake on the ground, that theory won't be tested for a couple of years. But just to give you a laugh, if it turns out I won't be able to ski at all, I plan to buy a gorgeous powder suit, wear my DonJoy over it, and tell everyone at the base lodge I did that in the Alps! I figure it ought to be good for a few rounds!

    God bless, and puffy powder for you!
    I'm not a spinal diagnosis. I'm a human being with a spinal diagnosis.
  • advertisement
advertisement
Sign In or Register to comment.