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Yourself?

Does anyone feel like your pain has made you stop existing? Like your not you, your just filling space in your body kinda, basically just stopped being yourself and stopped doing the things you love?

I find no interest in the things I love, my life is basically waking up and going to sleep? Does anyone have any sorta feelings like this?
be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind ••• Dr. Seuss
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Comments

  • who you are and what you are has not changed, just the rules have been altered a little.'
    you will pull through the empty stage, you will learn to bend and not break
    you have worth that above all the stars, you will see that again.
    you will cease to mearly exist and adapt, and grow again
    be strong!
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,771
    edited 01/29/2013 - 9:20 AM
    Someone else has been occupying my body for quite some time now. Many years ago, starting in about 1978, these foreign being started to entire my body, little by little. With each new flare up and follow on spinal surgery, I started to feel that I was being pushed out and these new guy was trying to take over.

    But I didnt like this new guy, and at times just hated him. He made me tired, he kept me in pain, he made me anxious, he didn't allow me to sleep, he made it difficult to keep friends and so many other things that an invited bad guest would do.
    I didnt have a lot of energy, things seemed blah, not a lot of drive or ambition. But I still continued my 60 hour job as a programmer driving 80 minutes each way. But I had to continue working, there was never any discussions about not working, unemployment, STD, LTD were terms I never heard of.

    Fortunate for me, I had a family who was 1,000% behind me all the time. That made me work so much easier.
    Even today, 35 years later, I still have the support of m wife and my two grown children. (Many times, I shake my head and wonder why?)

    That evil person still tried to take over. More surgeries but still I refused to let him in. Around 2010, when I needed to have both of my shoulders completely replaced due to advanced arthritis, I sat down with the evil one to see if we could work things out. He didnt want to compromise at all, its his way or no way! His way was keeping me in pain, keeping me miserable, robbing from me all the things I have cherished in my lifetime

    Then one morning, dont know why, dont know how, dont really care to know, but I put my foot down.

    No More, this univited guest is leaving and is leaving for GOOD. Sure, he may have left some pain and scars along the way, he might have weakened my body abit, but he couldnt touch my mind. He left, every once in a while I seem him walking up and down the street looking for another victim. Oh and he will find them Oh AND we need to make sure they do not take over.

    Cassandra, I am sure things right now are tough, try teo look down the road, when so much of this pain and misery is subdued... You will have brighter thoughts, and if not kept coming back here, PM me, I will do what I can.

    One word of warning..... We have a very good intelligent member here. He does his homework, so, he knows most of whatw he talks about. But since that evil person started to overcome him, I think it still is. our Anelson15 still knows and lives in the day to day 'down' time.

    We all need to be living in the uptown time all the time.



    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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  • Profound to say the least. I am currently in the battle with the evil one and by damn, I win this time! Cassandra, listen to those that win in this battle! It doesnt mean no pain....I think it means we continue to live WITH the pain....when we decide to let this evil one in and take over, we cease to exist by our own terms. I am struggling with this, but I listen and l learn from those who walk and crawl before me. I want to live, I want to enjoy my life. I will not quit...what about you? Peace, Elle
    3 level fusion L3-S1 July 23, 2012
  • It's a vicious cycle for me. The more I hurt the more determined I am that I'm not going to give into that little monster eating my back! In so resisting the demon pain I gain the strength that I need to survive. I have found myself more able now than ever before to fight it. In its own way pain is thus helping me to fight pain.

    Either that or I'm just too damn stubborn to quit now.
    Disability retirement
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,771
    Cassandra,

    I am not a person that uses smileys that often. But when I find something, I want to put them into, I do so

    This is the type of person we will never let into our lives... All that will do is cause pain and heartache
    ">image

    Instead, believe in ourselves, believe we can the best we can be and much more
    ">image

    Do this and you will have a lot of good support
    ">image

    And when it gets hard, and it will, always try to remember, here at Spine-Health you have
    ">image

    Ok, thats my year usage of smileys. But if I can bring across apoint like I wanted to do with Cassandra tonight, I would do it in a heatbeat
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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