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3yrs out from 2nd cervical fusion and I am still miserable

Hello, I have never really been on a site like this but I am hoping that maybe someone can point me in the right direction. I had my first cervical fusion dec 08 and a second one Nov 2009. THe first surgeon told me the fusion was fine even though the pain and pulling burning stabbing moved to the other side of my neck and shoulderblade but was still in my same arm (right) i was having problems with and he was confident i just needed recovery time. 6 months later no better and they had taken me off pain meds and tylenol just wasnt doing it, so I sought a second opinion, via a referral from my family dr who didnt seem to terribly concerned with it said that it sometimes takes a year to get feeling bck in hands and for the muscle spasms in my upper arm to subside. that did not happen so I decided to go to the reffered neurosurgeon, he saw the problem within 2 min of looking at my post op mri, so the plan was to remove hardware and redue the fusion c3-6, again he is a surgeon I wasnt looking for a surgical answer but have figured out quickly that when you go to a surgeon thats what you get so I let them do this again...His answer was looks great you should be good to go but it may be a bit longer of a recovery time due to scar tissue & the nerves "waking back up" etc. Almost a year after I was still losing all strength in my hands (I do hair, I understand im not a surgeon but my hands make up my livlihood as well, but that was of no concern to them) at about the 10 month out mark the neuro guy tells me its all in my head he did the fusion without issue (although it was supposed to be a two hour surg I was in there for 7 because he said my nerves were twisted and wrapped around bone fragments etc) and tells me pain mangement is my only option and I needed a psych consult, which was extremely insulting, but to ease my mind I actually wnt and got one, that dr told me i dont think you have a psych problem I think your pissed off, and boy was he right 200 grand on mris injections surgeries i am worse off then before the first surgery. I believe the second surg thought I was "drug seeking" (I have only ever taken vicoden and NEVER have asked for stronger medications I have a child I have to be able to function and THAT is what allowed me t at that point) So I stopped the pain medication took almost a year off work and just tried to heal myself, and I just got worse i have gained 70 pounds i have no strength in my hand I no longer am able to use the degree in which i went to school for and at that point I returned to pain management, my question is what do I do? all they are doing there are injections and pain meds and trying to get me to take stronger ones at that. I jus want to be able to do, like i have seen posts from the rest of you, the normal everyday things that a mother and wife should be able to do without issue, opening a zip lock baggie to pack my sons lunch, turn my head one way or the other to find a pan under the counter in a cabinet, empty the dryer without the plate in my neck poking into my throat when i turn it the wrong way, drive down the freeway and not be a nervous wreck because my head doesnt turn the way it should or used to, because im afraid im not seeing someone in a blindspot. I had never taken a pain pill (other than when I had a csection 15 years ago) prior to these surgeries i had never had a surgery other than emergency csection, now i have had 2 fusions 2 carpel tunnel and trigger finger release, and now 2 torn meniscus and both knees scoped and microfractured in the last 4 years im only 38 what will i be like in 10 years, what will be the reprocussions of taking the vicodin if thats my on ly temporary solution I have seen alot of things you all have posted that I can absolutely relate with just hoping i could get a few suggestions of what to do next and anyone who has dealt with ortho knows, im sure, ive done the injections, pt, traction, bought an inversion table aswell as the cervical machine, tens unit, massage....please someone give me some hope because i have went from showing horses and playing softball every summer of my life and being a very hands on mom to being able to work a few hours at a time and then being miserable for the next ten because its to hard to sit or stand in one position you cant find a comfortable spot THANK YOU SO MUCH for any help and GOD BLESS anyone who has to go through this sometimes I feel like I am just being a big baby, but I was normal for 35 years, and this is the farthest thing from it, I know what its like to feel ok, and this my friends is not right to have to live like this or fair to my family
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