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Who can you count on?

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 12,807
edited 03/22/2013 - 8:57 AM in Depression and Coping
While this applies to life in general, I think it has an extra meaning for patients dealing with chronic pain.

The reason I say this, is that I know many of us feel guilty at times burdening our loved ones with problem after problem.

I know that after 30+ years with my wife having to deal with my chronic pain, she gets tired of it. But in all honestly, I am the one who thinks she gets tired. She has always told me, as long as I hold up to my end of the bargain, do the things I am suppose to (regarding chronic pain) and then helping out with other things in the house hold that I can with or without pain, she is fine, she can take it on. I think that is so true because she has been in the medical field for over 35 years now as a Respiratory Therapist and as a Pulmonary specialist with full RN degrees. ; They are caretakers they almost live to help others.

Ok, back to the subject. I've read lots of posts,plus get a number of private messages dealing with this subject of spouses with one living in chronic pain and the other maybe not understanding what its all about.
Two way communications is the only way to really address that matter.

But when the chips are down, when you really need someone to talk to , to confide in, who is that person?

Being married over 40 years now, I'd say my wife fits that bill 95% of the time. But there are times when you do need another ear.

What does it take to be the person to be counted on?

- Great listening skills
- Not judging you about what you believe, say or are doing.
- Not taking sides
- Telling you the truth to your face
- And the most important, being honest

Over the years, I have had different people that I can count on for different things.. Like I said, my wife is my primary and principle person when it comes to this, but there are times when I need another person. I am very fortunate to have two grown children/adults (38 and 35) that in many ways are my best friends. I know I can come to either one of them to discuss a situation, we can talk about it and come away with a consensus.

I think I have already answered enough of my question.... Who can you count on? It could be many

I'd love for the rest of us to give everyone your ideas.

Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 


  • tina coylettina coyle Posts: 125
    edited 03/22/2013 - 10:34 AM
    Me, i know it sounds sad but i can count me i really have no one to talk to about my pain . My life changed in 2007 health wise witch effected all other areas of my life ,the bigest change for me was my son face when i came home from surgery he looked scared well i was scarry to look at for a whille but i had more surgery since then and he was only 7 the first time. I bring him up own you see but i learned to addjust to the new me i dont walk so well and i use sticks and i have muscle weekness and other things goin on. I go to a spinal rehab center it is such a great surport they are the ones who told me about this site ,and it has been a great suport to me i enjoy reading the posts and making comments if i can .I live on my own with my son he 14 now but i dont off load on him , even tho i do think it is important to talk about the way you feel i want his child hood memorys to be good so even tho some times he can see i am struggleing i dont moan too much but he know he needs to help its good for him it will make him a stronger person. He never miss out because of me he still goes to his sport boxing ext we just work around one another. As for another adult for surport to speak to no just me, you wike and you sound like you got some thing specail there.
  • Oh gosh, Tina. I just want to give you a big ol' hug!! I'm saying a special prayer for you tonight!! I know what it is like to be a single Mom and I'm praying for your son also. I pray he knows how special he is to you and I'm so glad you have him to shine his smiles for you to see each day. God bless you, Tina. I pray you are healed soon and feel no more pain and you will walk with strength and you can have a nice little campfire with those walking sticks one day!! Love and hugs to you, Girl!!
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  • Thanks Sugerplums for your prayers ,the first year was hard for me but day by day you know things do get better god always answers my prayer in one way or another.They did give me 50/50 chance i would ever walk again and 3 sugerys later i still am so i have that to be thankfull for and for Jason he my motavation to get out of bed in the mornning thanks Sugerplums.
  • We learned very young to take care of each other.He took 2 wks off from work to take care of me after my surgery!!!! He is there 24-7 giving me a shower, cooking ,pills, cleaning and most of all comforting.I never could depend on family, even though im the first one there for them.My husband keeps me laughing and thats a good thing.Love my Bill !!!!!!
    Kathy B
  • BotzBotz Central FloridaPosts: 223
    My wife and best friend of 34 years is always there for me and I for her.She is a teacher and is spending her spring break caring for me! Thanks sweetie!

    I Love you Doe!
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