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Ready to leave my husband...

24

Comments

  • Kort JesterKKort Jester Posts: 18
    edited 04/07/2013 - 3:05 PM
    lest ye be judged.

    Even the Bible gives aceptable reasons for divorce.
    Jester in Ja's court :)
  • No, I wasn't thinking divorce. More like a week away to rest my head...a week away from the gloom and doom. Maybe I would come back refreshed.

    I, too, have thought of "for better for worse" quite often. It is what it is. He's been a wonderful husband and father for 40 years...I'm just a little weary right now.

    It would be so great if my husband saw one sign that that quad muscle is ennervated again...both his surgeon and his physical therapist said the muscle was "firing." We're not too sure what that means. Does anyone know how we will know if the nerve is "coming back?" That would be a real turning point for us.

    Thanks everybody.
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  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 1,033
    I've said this before and I'll say it again. Those of us in chronic pain need to take in account the effect this has on the people
    and family members around us. One does not have to look too far to see how much worse it could be and how fortunate we
    are and to be thankful for what we do have. We all have times of depression and get down but sometimes we need to step back and look from the outside to realize what really is important. Hopefully your husband will see that you are far more important than the little discomfort he is going through. Sorry if I sound abrasive to some but I'm not sugar coating this, we just have to suck it up at times, and be positive.
    Take care,
    ranger
  • CherylCCCherylC Posts: 199
    edited 04/09/2013 - 1:21 AM
    I have nerve damage at both L4 and L5 on the left side as a result of my first surgery. After 1 1/2 years I am happy to report that some of the muscles controlled by L5 are starting to fire. L4 however looks to be permanently damaged.

    When a muscle is firing it means that there is a signal getting through from the nerve. This is a good sign but it still means there is a long way to go. I know that I face a lot of physical therapy to get the muscle to do what I want it to. The muscles have been dormant for so long that they have forgotten what they are supposed to do.

    One of the things that the PT had me do was concentrate really hard on trying to move a particular muscle. It did actually move but not quite when or how I was expecting it to. I also couldn't get it to move every time I tried. Funny thing - I actually don't know how I made it move so replicating the event tends to be a bit "hit and miss". I am excited though because there is hope that there will be improvement.

    Living with parts of your body that don't move or feel the way they should is a very frustrating experience. You are constantly reminded that you are a bit broken.

    Not sure if any of this is useful but thought I would throw it in the anyway :)
  • Cheryl, it's ALL useful! Your info on the firing of muscles and your own story were very helpful.

    Ranger, you sound very much like my son who is an EMT, soon-to-be paramedic. His father (my husband) is his best friend but my son sees so many people in far-worse condition, he loses patience with my husband. He wants him to be out enjoying life, even with modifications. "Suck it up" are words my son has used...even though it sounds harsh.

    Thank you, everyone.
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  • Your son should try to be a bit more understanding. Believe it or not being in physical pain 24 hours a day 7 days a week is not enjoyable.

    I have been in chronic pain since i was 17 and im nearly 20 now. Everytime i do something that is mildly enjoyable i am reminded quickly after that ill still have chronic pain...i havent really had an enjoyable day in a few years now. I dont whine much or talk about it but it really pisses me off when people say things like "tough it out". Its possible to "tough it out" for a few months, maybe a few years but knowing you'll always be in physical pain and will get worse is very difficult to deal with when theres no hope left to get better.

    Good on you for coming here though.
  • Hi Marais,

    I do symphatise with both of you. It's a tough one... I myself suffer from mild back pain and sciatica but just becasue it's been going on for a year now, I can tell you it is really depressing, especially for people with strong personalities. I don't know your husband or you so it is very hard for me to say much but if you feel you need a break... do it! I know you have been together for a very long time but before there was 'you and him' there was 'you' and 'him' and that will never change. I am sure your son will be able to help your husband while you are away and you are still the same person you were before you got married. It all of course depends on everyone's individual needs. My parents for example can't imagine spending even one day without each other but other people need more space and sometimes need a break. I am a bit like that and I only saw my last ex at weekends. We never lived together and very often I was just happy to sit with him in one room and each of us did different things. Maybe it is not just your husband's condition that is the problem. Maybe you just need a break and some time with yourself and for yourself. I hope everything goes well for both of you. Lots of love x
    Tomek
  • Ok I guess you all resolved this and don't need my help, Well done , lol

    Only thing I could of added is breaking up taking a break is always great, Make up sex is even beter so well worth it,
    Flexicore ADR 2004 resulting nerve damage l4l5 Fusion 2006 same level, 2009 hardware removal with lami !
    2012 scs implant ,
  • 4life44life Posts: 36
    edited 04/13/2013 - 2:52 PM
    in sickness and in health. glad my wife has more sympathy
  • 4life, that hurts...but when I decided to post here I realized that I might get comments like that. Believe me, I spend plenty of time thinking that I'm an awful person and a failure as an understanding wife. I don't know what else to say.
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