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Ready to leave my husband...

124

Comments

  • aef1000aaef1000 Posts: 11
    edited 07/03/2013 - 6:41 PM
    Just agreeing with the other poster about antidepressants. They can make a huge difference! Sometimes it takes some time to find the right one. I was reluctant myself and finally agree to try them after a bad knee injury. It took a few weeks to adjust to them but then all of a sudden the clouds lifted and I was a different person.
    Wishing you well.


  • AprilAApril Posts: 40
    edited 10/01/2014 - 6:53 PM
    Marais said:
    Hello. I have posted elsewhere on these boards about my husband's condition with very few responses. Hopefully somewhere here can advise me.

    We are both 64, married 41 years, very happy, both retired two years ago...all was going great until he herniated a disc at L2-L3 18 months ago. He had decompression surgery one year ago (doctor said it went perfectly and the nerve, though "beat up", sprung right back) and was left with a weak left quad muscle, which in turn caused osteoarthritis in his knee. He's had several rounds of physical therapy, faithfully does home exercises and uses a Kneehab electrical stimulator daily. According to him, there is never any improvement. Never a hopeful word. Since this injury, he has been a totally different person: depressed, anxious about going anywhere, feels worthless, reluctant to see doctors, etc.

    It is not a pain issue. He can walk without a cane, manages to go up and down stairs. He just cannot deal with the "weak feeling in his quad" and the pulling feeling in his knee. He is negative, negative, negative. We go nowhere and he starts every day with the same almost angry-looking face. He constantly laments that this ever happened to him. According to him, we (my son and I) don't understand how this has impacted his life.

    He saw his surgeon a week ago. His surgeon watched him walk and was very pleased with his progress and says my husband must give the recovery another year. He recommended counseling because my husband has not accepted any loss of mobility. He has started seeing his third psychologist. The first two he only saw twice. This one he will stay with longer...I will insist on that. (We don't want to resort to anti-depressants because of side effects.)

    I cry on a regular basis because I have a very small suppport group and I have lost my best friend. Although I may sound like a whiner, it's very hard to live this way and listen to all this 24/7 for eighteen months. I have lost hope because my husband gives no hope. I am so angry with him for being so self-absorbed, selfish, and ungrateful...the doctors have told him that most of their other patients would change places with him in a heartbeat as I'm sure many of those reading this post would. I am so angry...if I had a place to go, I would go there with one suitcase, tonight. I don't drive but I don't care..I live near the airport. Some day I'm going to do it. I can't take much more.

    Thanks for listening.

    The moderator team reserves the right to edit any post
    Post edited for inappropriate response
    36y old female, s1-L5 micro discetomy 18th of September 2014
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  • I had an unusual injury and my life changed within hours. I am decades younger than your husband. I am completely different. My husband is a blessing as it sounds like you are to yours. One of my discs is the same disc your hisband suffers from. I understand his frustration and yours. I have not had surgery. I was told it is dangerous to do surgery there. One doctor told me it was common because he just wanted to get rid of me. Accepting your new body is difficult, but necessary. I still have some days that I mourn the loss of my youth decades too soon. There are support groups for your husband. He needs to find one. When a group of people with the same issue get together they can start to help each other and the commonality helps. Your husband can start to see his blessings. I have issues at every level of the spine including organ function change. I have fallen, walk like I am old some days, and miss how active I was. It can be an one of those times that people don't understand because they can't see it. This type of injury let's the person know they are not immortal and that we are vulnerable. This may be the real issue your husband struggles with. It creates a fear the manifests as anger and depression. Get him into a group where he can more safely see himself.


    (quote=Marais]Hello. I have posted elsewhere on these boards about my husband's condition with very few responses. Hopefully somewhere here can advise me.

    We are both 64, married 41 years, very happy, both retired two years ago...all was going great until he herniated a disc at L2-L3 18 months ago. He had decompression surgery one year ago (doctor said it went perfectly and the nerve, though "beat up", sprung right back) and was left with a weak left quad muscle, which in turn caused osteoarthritis in his knee. He's had several rounds of physical therapy, faithfully does home exercises and uses a Kneehab electrical stimulator daily. According to him, there is never any improvement. Never a hopeful word. Since this injury, he has been a totally different person: depressed, anxious about going anywhere, feels worthless, reluctant to see doctors, etc.

    It is not a pain issue. He can walk without a cane, manages to go up and down stairs. He just cannot deal with the "weak feeling in his quad" and the pulling feeling in his knee. He is negative, negative, negative. We go nowhere and he starts every day with the same almost angry-looking face. He constantly laments that this ever happened to him. According to him, we (my son and I) don't understand how this has impacted his life.

    He saw his surgeon a week ago. His surgeon watched him walk and was very pleased with his progress and says my husband must give the recovery another year. He recommended counseling because my husband has not accepted any loss of mobility. He has started seeing his third psychologist. The first two he only saw twice. This one he will stay with longer...I will insist on that. (We don't want to resort to anti-depressants because of side effects.)

    I cry on a regular basis because I have a very small suppport group and I have lost my best friend. Although I may sound like a whiner, it's very hard to live this way and listen to all this 24/7 for eighteen months. I have lost hope because my husband gives no hope. I am so angry with him for being so self-absorbed, selfish, and ungrateful...the doctors have told him that most of their other patients would change places with him in a heartbeat as I'm sure many of those reading this post would. I am so angry...if I had a place to go, I would go there with one suitcase, tonight. I don't drive but I don't care..I live near the airport. Some day I'm going to do it. I can't take much more.

    Thanks for listening.
  • Hello Marais,

    I’m going through exactly the same with my husband and he had a herniated disc causing exactly the same nerve damage and quad atrophy. My husband had the surgery and it’s almost a year now and although he had physical therapy, he works out so hard and he is in a good shape his affected quad is like jello and 1/4 of its original size and strength. He has seen numerous doctors,  and so far no one could suggest any solution. I’m desperate and I cannot believe that with all the modern technology available there is nothing that can be done. Have you tried any chiropractic, acupuncture or any alternative treatment for it? I would also like to introduce your husband to mine because so far he hasn’t met anyone with exactly the same problem and the doctors say it’s a rare case. Thank you in advance 

  • LizLiz Posts: 9,760

    This is an old discussion created by a member no longer on the forum so I have to close it.

    Liz, 

    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
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