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It feels like a dead end.

Today, I realized why I feel annoyed and angry all the time. I feel depressed. Having back issues and chronic pain since 21, I've had to resort to being dependent on people, which is very unlike my personality. I'm angry that my body isn't working the way that it should be, I'm angry that I can't be a normal 23 year old, I'm angry that my choice of careers has been flushed down the drain, and I'm angry that I can't be me anymore.
I really feel like I don't feel happy anymore. Instead, I'm anxious that I won't get home in time to take my meds as scheduled. I'm anxious that if I do more than one piece of housework a day that my back will hurt, but the house will look a mess. I feel a sense of hopelessness in my situation: the fact that I can't sit down long enough to sit through a class lecture, or stand or long enough to do the job that I was doing before. I just feel stuck in a situation that I can't get out of because worker's comp won't approve anything that could possibly help me. I just feel hopeless. Will it ever get better?
I'm sorry for going on and on, but thanks for listening.


  • It is so common to feel the way you are feeling, when we are dealing with chronic issues, no matter what the cause of them are.
    We grow up, make a plan for our lives and start moving in that direction, then something happens that suddenly side rails those plans. We try to pick ourselves up and go with the new direction, but at some point, we all have to adjust to the new normal that we find ourselves in.
    Each one of us , has to , at some point, find a new way of doing things, modify how we want to accomplish those new goals, and sometimes change them completely, but your life is far from over.
    The best gift that you can give yourself is to get the depression treated, now, before it becomes crippling, then start small, add a little more time to each thing that you do each day, and slowly increase it. Before you know it, you will find that your stamina is increased, and your ability to tolerate things is slowly getting better..
    Then figure out what you are passionate about, and make a new plan for what you want to do, and what you can reasonably do within your tolerance levels, then start doing it. It may not be the thing that you wanted to do before, or maybe it is, and you simply need to modify how you are going to do it. Whatever it is, start small and work through it, one step at a time.
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