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At my wits end, where do I start for help?

2

Comments

  • Perhaps I misunderstood what you were trying to tell me and in that case certainly my fault and please accept my apology.
    I have been struggling with PTSD , depression, anxiety, panic attacks since my discharge from the army in 1974. I went straight to work with symptoms rearing their ugly head but I worked and tried to hide my triggers and panic attacks and bury my feelings. Seeing a therapist or taking psych meds wasn't cool in those days. In 1982 I had a complete breakdown, I was on short term, then long term disability benefits through my work insurance. Then it ran out and I went on Social Security in 1983 while getting provide therapy. By 1986 I thought I was ready so I took a job in my field, I got severely burned on the job and I went down with that and my other issues. I wouldn't go to the VA foolishly at that time because I wanted to contact via the government ie army. 1989 I took another job moving to Ohio. It worked better because of a flexible schedule and I did so well I bought out the owner of this franchise. The problem was being the owner allowed me to isolate even more and the stress was tearing me apart so by 1993 I was completely housebound with an office at home and I had to have my top management come to me for meetings and business plans. My flashbacks became more frequent and devastating and I attempted suicide twice landing me in the hospital with a wise psychiatrist who got me to write a letter to the Army basically venting about what they put me through. They forwarded the letter to the VA where I was taken for an intake eval a long 4 day process who finally diagnosed the PTSD aspect which had previously went un diagnosed. My business was pillaged by people I trusted so that was gone and I couldn't get social security because I owned stock in t his business. Fortunately the VA awarded me disabilty service connected and then I had dissolve the business but I couldn't appear in court because of my many anxity issues so the end result was a phone conference with the court and I finally regained my social security and proper mental Heath treatment at the VA which helped aa great deal but no cure then or now.by 2001 I started with t he pain issues which escalated to two surgeries on upper and lower spine, the lower spine procedure failed leaving me less mobile, prone to falling, and worse pain then before surgery. This aggravated my PTSD ,depression and other symptoms where I got to the point I lived in my bed. One day after a very bad flashback I tried to hang myself in the garage, screwed it up because the rope broke leaving some damage to mmy neck and esophagus .
    Because of my wife's steadfastness never losing faith and praying constantly for me I got up out of bed went to pain doctor trying every alternative treatment they have for pain. I also learned to accept my situation and do the best I could to make a life out of the ashes because I found other people wanted me to stick around but in my thinking I would be doing her and the family a way to not be burdened with me. Now when I feel in great despair I think of them and what they want me to do and the love and devotion they have given me for so long. That's my story and again sorry I misunderstood.
    Al
    AL S
  • I have decided to accept my situation and do the best I can at living. As you can see from my last post I have been fighting all these issues literally for 40 years and I admit I get tired. There is absolutely no job I can hold, none! Because my moods are unpredictable and at times I won't even attempt to get out of bed. Not because I love it there I am just overwhelmed by the combination of pain and the list of mental issues related to PTSD on the anxiety spectrum. Special accommodations have to be made for even simple procedures due to all this mess. So we can agree to disagree on the job thing. But I do urge anyone who hold a job to do so for their well being .
    Thanks for the feedback
    Al
    AL S
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  • While none of us have the answer for everyone, we can empathize with what you have gone through and continue to go through. Have you looked into a therapist specializing in treating PTSD who will come to your home? They are out there, and are more than willing to treat vets with PTSD, especially now.
    It might take some 'leg work' ( I mean phone calls, and follow up) on your part of your families, but they are out there. They also can help you in finding some acceptance with the pain....I honestly realize the road might not be an easy journey for you, but I know that there are resources out there now that didn't exist previously and I think that you might find them extremely helpful if they were able to come to your home for now and offer you some help.
    Sandi
  • I am working on acceptance and living my life focusing on what I can do and making the best of it.
    Thanks
    AL S
  • to see you again! I'm glad that you are able to focus on what you do have and what you can still do, I think that it is one of the most important parts of adjusting to our new normals, is learning to focus on what we still can do.
    I hope that things improve for you , and that you find new joys in life, as I'm sure that you will.
    Sandi
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  • This has worked for me Hanna somatics. Do a search. It's about retraining muscles and doing certain exercises daily. I can't explain how it works but it was my last choice. PT did not help me, pain meds or muscle relaxantsdid not help or yoga for a tightness, squeezing sensation I kept getting in my thoracic area when I did dishes, cook, put on make up. And other times. I am going for my seond session with the practitioner. Costing me some mney but it is giving me back a life without worry. I believe it is coming from my cervical stenosis. I am feeling normal again.
    Leila deurell
  • Depression, PTSD, anxiety is tough. Is there a support group near you? Do you have a therapist? I might seem pushing it, but due to the severity, ever consider ECT? very safe these days. Do you use breathing techniques when panicky. Do you tell yourself " you've been here before, you will not die from this, it will pass." Do you meditate? do you have spiritual side ( not religion) Write affirmations to read daily, things specific to you. Like: " I am part God energy, I am a beautiful spirit, I am loved, I am safe, all there is is love, I love myself and my family, the pain is lifting" We are here to learn about love, I think (:- ) what lessons do we have with our challenges. Hug yourself, know all the panicky, anxiety will pass. Soak in a hot tub. Know you are worth your life, forgive, forgive, forgive. hugs, Leila
    Leila deurell
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