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Wife left

So this is messed up. My family gets back from Florida and everything is good. Then my girl starts going back to her job ( stripper) and all of a sudden she's distant, getting phone calls and texts at 4 in the morning. So I tell her she's acting very shady and distant and would like to know who's been calling and why she's been coming home at 4 30 when the club closes at 2 or 3. So she freaks out says I have no right to be suspicious and decides she wants to leave me with the kid and move out to be "on her own". I ask why? She says " I can't be around you anymore because your not the same. Your always in pain." This is after 3 years of recovery, she now decides to leave me. My pain is becoming very bad due to having the kid jump on me, picking her up and basically everything that it takes to look after a kid. I'm at a loss here. She was the only one who understood what I'm going through but apparently she was lying like every other female....ever. I now have an undiagnosed spinal condition because no doctor knows what is wrong with me. They can only ever suggest more operations. I'm back to living with my parents and life is getting tiresome. Should I just move away from everyone and be alone so the ex will have to look after the kid because I can't? Or do I stick around and take high doses of medicine until I suffer organ failure? My liver enzymes are already on the rise and I feel sick to my stomach because I take like 10 extra strength Tylenol with tramadol and robaxin. Not sure how much longer I can take this. I get the point of life is to be in pain but when does it end? When were dead? Doped out of our minds? I've lost everything important to me and don't really see a light at the end of any tunnel. No matter how many senarios i play out, nothing ends with me being healthy and happy. Only in unbelievable pain, anger, or death. I was never one who could talk to people ( especially women. Many are minipulative and mean ) so I have this feeling my destiny is to wonder around the earth hurting all day, everyday until my days are done. Sorry for the rant. I can usually solve problems like this by myself but this one is beyond me. Seeing that I'm half crippled, have no money, have no real job anymore, live with the parents and I have no "game" or whatever people say nowadays, I'm pretty sure I'm screwed.
Does anyone have any kind advice for this messed up situation that I got dropped into? Anything would be nice really.


  • First of all, I'm sorry that your girlfriend left you, and took your child. However, you do have rights to see that child, and if need be, to go court to enforce them.
    Why people do what they do sometimes is at best, difficult to understand, but categorizing a whole class of human beings based on the actions of the few you have had experience with is wrong.
    MOST women that I know are honest, trustworthy, hard working, and dedicated to their families and their jobs.
    If she wasn't coming home at her usual time, then she may very well have been cheating, but that doesn't mean that the rest of the women in the world are going to do the same thing. And her using your medical condition to give her a 'reason" to move out is not the truth. It is her excuse for her own bad behavior.
    As far as the taking so much extra strength tylenol goes, it is no wonder that your stomach is giving you fits......cut back on the tylenol and try alternating with advil or aleve.
    Work with your doctors to find out what is going on with your spine, get it treated and then show her what she missed out.....bet she tries to come running back at some point.
    However, you DO get to choose what and whom you allow into your life.....and someone who would do what she did, isn't someone that you may want to allow back in.
  • It's the other way around I'm afraid. She left the kid with me and moved out to go party or whatever. And it's not just this one girl. Every girl I have ever met has always had a side objective. A motive for everything they do just to get there way. Either it's destroying someone else's relationship to try and get some sort of personal satisfaction from the pain of others or acting a certain way to get what they want and once that resource has run dry they move on. Kinda like a a parasite. Maybe it's just the women around here in central jersey and my view is thus skewed from that which is normal for the rest of the world. But that's another topic for another place.
    But she insists that I am not the same energetic person I once was and I agree. I'm not the 23 year old boxer with almost unlimited strength. Especially after the fusion and spinal tear and nerve damage. Now with these new problems with my hips I guess she couldn't take seeing me like this anymore. Just wish she would've left long ago instead of getting my hopes up just to slap them down,
    I see a spine disease specialist now but nobody seems to want to treat me....at all. Doctors look at my scans and ask me everytime " what happened to you?" And I just don't know. There were times when I fell down a mountain, fell out of trees, did kickboxing and had 3 surgeries on my back along with a gallbladder removal. And they just don't know what to do except offer more spine surgeries. So like I said, pretty sure I'm bound to this terrible painful alone.
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  • Maybe you need to surround yourself with people who actually care about more than themselves? Unfortunately, some 20 somethings aren't mature enough yet to see beyond themselves. I am glad that your child is with you, and that he/she has a stable home . I'm sure that the money is great in her chosen field, but it is also an environment that is filled with instant gratification, drugs, partying, and sexual contact. It's not exactly the field that leads the most stable people to it. It is also a field ripe with people who use one another for whatever needs they think they can get met.
    I understand that it hurts that anyone would do this, but that says more about them than it does about you. You owe it to yourself and that child you need to care for to continue to find answers for how you can manage your condition. Have you thought about going to big medical centers for evaluation? Seeing some of the top doctors to help figure out what can be done, and what it would take to get some of your life back on track?
    We all know that dealing with chronic pain is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination, but it is worth the fight, not only for yourself but your child.
  • Jack FlakJJack Flak Posts: 7
    edited 07/31/2014 - 4:39 AM
    Man... reading your post damn near brought tears. I'm divorced, wife's got the kids, I'm in constant pain after 2 fusion surgeries, I miss my kids, I miss my old life... It frickin' blows. Not exactly the same, but I feel ya.

    First of all, you gotta dig deep man. You can do this. Especially since you have your kid... you NEED to do this. Don't give up.

    EDIT. I thought for a long time (especially after 17 years of marriage) that I NEEDED a woman in my life just to get by. I don't. You don't. No one NEEDS a partner - it's great if you can find a good one, but not a necessity. For the time being, you're flying solo bro. Let chance and luck work for you... eventually you'll find someone who actually cares and doesn't have an agenda. There's plenty of GOOD women out there who are dying to be mothers, and would jump at the chance for an obviously responsible single dad. I met a great chick about 4 years after my divorce, and we're still together 3 years later. She's sympathetic, empathetic and EXTREMELY patient and tolerant of my crazy mood swings due to pain. I'm lucky to have her. Be strong, be patient, and you'll find the right one too.

    For now, take care of your kid, try to deal with your pain, and take it one day at a time (cliche' I know, but it's true.)

    Hang in there dude.

    p.s.: Just as background, my ex's main impetus for leaving was the same - she said I "wasn't the same person" anymore. Constant, long-term pain does change us. We can't help it. It's almost certainly the best thing that she left you. If she wasn't able to change with you, she wasn't the right one. Now you can move on and find the right one.

    Post edited to remove inappropriate language...Liz spine-health moderator.. Please read the Forum rules
  • DianaElaineDDianaElaine Posts: 2
    edited 08/17/2014 - 7:26 PM
    Hello all ... I'm new here tonight. Just wanted to ask: is it permissible to discuss Medical Marijuana in the forum?

    I've read the rules, and see no mention of this ... as it IS medical advice now, that it's legal in many states for medicinal purposes.

    If we can chat about it, I wanted to ask the OP: Jerseypipedreams if he's tried it yet ... or would consider it?

    Nice meeting you all!

    Artist & Sculpturist Living in Washington State.
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  • LizLiz Posts: 9,745
    There are many threads on MJ just type MJ into the search box


    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • Liz said:
    There are many threads on MJ just type MJ into the search box
    Thank you so much for the welcome. I wasn't sure if the box on top was for searching on this website or for Google in general. I'll do a search now.

    Artist & Sculpturist Living in Washington State.
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