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Ready to give up.

mccoymmccoy Posts: 10
edited 09/28/2014 - 11:09 PM in Depression and Coping
Hi. I am 29 years old and have had back pain since I was 14. For the first 8 years the pain was really just a dull ache in my lower back and was relieved with a little rest and some ibprofen. Well by the time I was 22 it started getting worse but would come and go. It would start hurting and be very painful but again with some pain meds and a day or 2 of rest I would be ok. Well about 5 years later the pain was getting worse. Through the years between 20 and up til now when I would have a bad episode I would go to the er. But they always told me I pulled a muscle and sent me home. Well now about 2 and a half months ago it started bothering me for no reason. And it kept getting worse. If I would even try to shift positions or move my legs I would get this horriffic excrutiating pain in my lower back that was like nothing I have ever felt before. So I finaly went to the er. I was admitted because my bp was also very high. Well I found out that they had done an mri on me 6 years ago that showed a herniated disc in my lower back L4-L5. Well I remember them doing that mri but they also released me that day saying I had a pulled muscle. Never did they tell me I had a herniated disc. Well while I was in the hopsital this time they did another mri which they said I have a herniated disc in the same spot. (Probably the same one that I never took care of because I never knew about it.) Well I was released from the hospital and told to do physical therapy. I think that was crap. All they had me do was work a bike for 15 minutes then put me on the electric machine to shock my muscles for 20 minutes. Thats it. Well I was still in pain but was at least able to get around my house on my own. I could make myself a plate of food and get to the restroom and give myself a bath. Well now im back at square one. 2 nights ago I tried to get up and it hit me like a freight train. I now can not get up im am in constant chronic pain and if I move its excrutiating. I cant live like this. I dont know how people make it years in this pain. But I have never found anyone who has the same pain I have. I would really like any suggestions especialy if anyone has this same pain. Honestly im not too confident in the hospital I went to. They have almost let my father die twice. One time was just a month ago. They are not very attentive . Pleae help I am ready to give up. I have prayed to go to sleep and not wake up. I quit taking bp meds thinking maybe I will just have a heart attack and end it all. If I could find a doc to paralyze me from my waist down I would do it in a heartbeat. Please I feel helpless.


  • Hi

    I too have always had back issues on and off while growing up (I'm tall 6ft 2) which were probably mild herniated discs injuries which resolved within around 2 weeks.

    However similar to you I suffered from a major herniated discs when I was about 26/27 and this lasted nearly 2.5 years!

    However I'm now fully fit and I'm stronger than ever at age 36....

    Thinking back during my time of hell (worst time of my life), What I did was to let it heal on it's own. Yes this took a long time as it was very easy to re-injure or feel pain from certain movements. I went to see phisyo initially every week but the relief was short term. I remember I stopped doing the things that kept aggravating it, i.e. I changed my office chair to a kneeling chair (this took the weight off my lower back totally - this really helped in healing). I also stopped sitting on soft sofas/couches as this would cause pain / re-injure it ....I also bought a firm mattress and binned my memory foam one and this helped.... I was also careful when applying heat or cold in case it was inflamed...

    Once I was able to manage the pain I started doing the superman exercise.... thereafter I started to build things up slowly trying other strengthening exercises. To this day, I do my strengthening exercises at least once a week or once every 2 weeks now ... I could go on for ages to be honest.... but can I ask, do you sit on soft surfaces? I.e. a couch/sofa and does it hurt?
    A former back pain sufferer. Suffered for nearly 3 years. Now fully fit and stronger than ever based on self education. Want to help others where possible...
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  • Your post breaks my heart. Please don't give up so soon. Take you're MRI to different doctors for more opinions.
  • I'm 22, I have degenerative disc disease. It's taken them 13 years to finally diagnose that. Every disc in my spine except two is badly damaged. I have been in a wheelchair since I was 10, and only managed to teach myself to walk again two years ago. I suffer immense pain every second of every day. I feel so alone in what I'm going through. I just want to talk to someone who understands my pain and what I go through every single day, and have been told I will be like this and progressively get worse until the end. I'm scared
  • Hi Ashliee. I was diagnosed with hereditory osteoarthritis when I was a young teenager. I'm lucky, I got through my 20's without it really impacting my life too much. Since my 30's the degeneration has been progressing at a terrifying pace. I've got married, had 2 kids, even emigrated to America! I'm in pain, like you, every moment of everyday but I love my life! (I frequently forget that! Writing to people here & chatting with spiney friends reminds me that it's still a life, my life & it's not all doom & gloom). I hate the isolation but I remind myself that I'm not alone. It's just a cruel trick that chronic pain plays. It's true that no-one who hasn't hobbled a mile in our shoes can truly understand but we're all very different with different life experiences. Can anyone really understand another? Those who really love us try though & we try to understand them. That's what relationships are all about.

    What specialists are you seeing? Have you been with the same docs for a long time? Often a new pair of eyes & a new approach can make all the difference! I accept that I will be in pain for the rest of my life but that doesn't stop me attacking it in any way I can think of. I use both medical & natural approaches to chip away at the pain. I have to confess I'm still an emotional roller-coaster...what gos up must come down, right? Ha ha ha. I just wish the lows weren't so bloody low & the highs would last a little longer but I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all?

    I look forward to getting to know you. You can send me a PM (private message) anytime you want to chat or just vent. See you around on the forums!
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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  • Hey sorry it has took so long to get back.

    To the question asking if I sit on soft seats. No I dont. I actualy dont really sit at all. If I do its in my kitchen chair for five minutes max. I spend my day either lying down or standing up. I am confined to my bed really. I cant walk any further than to my bathroom and back. My husband takes care of me. I try to stretch a little but I really cant do much since even trying to just stretch my legs and arms while in bed still agitates it. Im really trying to keep my self from being so depressed and I want to heal myself since right now going to another doctor is out of the question. I am unable to work now so my husband is the sole provider and we are struggling just to get by. I can not even get help through medicaid because I dont have kids. They wont even give me foodatamps temporarily to help .Even though right now we can not afford to go buy food and I am depending on my father who is ill to bring us food. A few months ago we were doing great both making good money and now its like we have lost it all and im really struggling to keep my sanity. I have prayed a lot lately and I truly believe that god can help me heal and get through this. And if I didnt have the most amazing husband to support me. He works 12 hours a day and comes home and makes me food and cleans up the house and helps me take a bath. He spends his day off cleaning and washing all the bedding and playing with the dog that gets no attention all week. Even though its my dog and he really isnt a dog person. I am trying to focus on the good in my life but of course I just want to he pain free. I know im rambling sorry. Lol . Hopefully soon I will experience some relief . I dont want to go backwards again. Pray for me please. As I will for all of you.
  • i'm sorry that you are in pain, but the worst thing that you can do is to spend your time in bed, or laying around doing nothing. after doing that, your muscles loose their tone, and endurance, your tolerance for any movement becomes distorted and your stamina decreases day by day.
    a herniated disc is a common problem, and depending on how large or small it is, whether or not it is in contact with other structures in the spine determines if it is causing pain or not.
    the herniation may have been so small that it wasn't in contact with other structures in the spine , which is why it may not have been considered significant when you had the mri done.
    there is no reason to lay in bed, or have your husband doing all of your personal care......dealing with a herniation is painful yes, but not debilitating to the point that you need to be confined to bed.
    there are clinics all over the us that have sliding scales for patients who don't have insurance or can't pay, that you can be seen at. the doctors can refer you to the hospital for a new mri, if they feel it is necessary,and refer you to a surgeon if need be.
    physical therapy is only helpful when you work at it........you can't just decide that it isn't what you wanted or expected for 'treatment" and quit. it is a staged set of therapies and excercises meant to help you strengthen your muscles, and reduce pain.
    the reason that moving is excrutiating is because you are spending your time laying around, doing nothing, and this is causing the pain . the longer you do that, the more painful and difficult it will be to get moving again. giving into the pain and laying in bed is self fulfilling prophecy.
    the best thing that you can do for yourself is to get up, get moving, stretch, return to physical therapy, and see a doctor to see if surgery is an option or necessary.
    aqua therapy, injections, tens, over the counter medications, stretching daily, excercise, and topical over the counter creams and ointments help tremendously.
    there is a lot you can do to help yourself and so far, you aren't doing any of it......

  • I have tried it all. And actualy I am doing better now than I was while doing pt. And I wasnt just staying in bed when it first happened. I was doing stretches and walking and I was going to visit friends and trying to ease my way back to a normal life and then it happened again out of no where. The pain I have is strange and even the doc doesn't know why its so painful. I can do something as simple as try to put my panties on and the pain hits me and I literally hit the floor in extreme pain. So doing all these stretches and exercises are out of the question. This has been happening off and on for about 5 years. But it was always about a week of pain and then I was fine for 3 or 4 months. But this time I tried to do what the doctor said and here I am almost 3 months later still in pain. So im gonna go back to the way I always handeled it and I will take that bad week 3 or 4 times a year. Its better than months and months of pain so bad I cant get up.
  • If your symptoms have increased to the point that you are debilitated, then you need to see a doctor to find out why.
    The inactivity is contributing to making the pain worse, and doctors will tell you that laying in bed is the worst thing you can do.
    There may be a change in the herniation size or contact with other structures in the spine, so not seeing a doctor to find out what exactly is going on , is detrimental to you.
    A herniation should not leave you not able to care for yourself or not let you get dressed, but the inactivity will continue to worsen your overall condition.

  • I have thought the same thing. I know herniated discs are painful but everyone I have talked to was still able to walk and do things. I think that the issue with me not being able to even stand up sometimea has to be something else but the doc doesnt seem to know what it is. Im waiting to get money to see a different doctor.
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