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Lame depression

MOroyalMMOroyal Posts: 1
edited 10/21/2014 - 4:20 PM in Depression and Coping
Had a laminectomy and disectomy at the l4,l5, and s1 vertebrae about a month ago. My legs feel a lot better then before the surgery but still have a lot of lower back pain that I only get relief from with pain pills. Seems like my wife was really supportive the first few weeks but at this point I don't like to bring up the pain because it seems like I'm bothering her with my complaints. My wife is the greatest but she doesn't seem to understand the fact that I'm in pain most of the day with just some relief with pain pills. I don't know what to expect as far as a time frame for healing of the back because everyone I have asked says everybody's different. I tired of not being able to conduct my every day life and even picking up the smallest objects is a chore. At this point I know I am severely depressed and needed somewhere to vent.


  • and occurs frequently, when we find that we aren't recovering as quickly as we feel we should be.......You are only 4 weeks post op , so you have some time before you start feeling more like yourself. It is important that you do the walking recommended and follow the other post op restrictions and limitations so that your body has a chance to heal and recover. If the depression is significantly interfering with your life, and ability to cope, it would be good to discuss with your doctor about using a anti depressant during the recovery period. They help with both neuropathic pain and overall mood.
  • I often have to remind myself that my husband is going through all of this with me. He might not feel the physical pain but he has just as much to get stressed, angry, frustrated & depressed with as I do. We say it a lot here, "No-one who hasn't walked in our shoes could possibly understand". It's very true but it could also be said of the spouse of a chronic pain sufferer. I married my best friend & I love him completely but there are times I could wring his bloody neck whilst screaming at the top of my lungs "I've been in unrelenting bloody agony for over 8 years! What do you expect????".

    I know exactly what you mean by needing to vent sometimes. I pretend to be strong & in control of my life but there are times I just want to cry like a baby. I sob my heart out into the pillow at night. I live with such fear & uncertainty that I wouldn't be human if I didn't have bouts of anxiety. I think depression, from time to time is just a given in our situations. As Sandi says, you're only just getting over surgery & that's notorious for causing depression. Cut yourself & your wife some slack. It's all so incredibly hard isn't it? It takes all the strength I can muster just to get out of bed sometimes but we plod on, trying to keep hold of as much joy as we can, with a pained smile stretched on our faces.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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  • I completely understand what you're experiencing. As you know, its a horrible feeling not being able to express your feelings and your pain to the one person who you hope would make you feel better. They do not know what it is like to be in constant pain and some do not take the time to attempt to understand.

    I am in a similar situation right now. My girlfriend of 4 years is a very unsympathetic person to begin with and completely lacks empathy. We would spend as much time together as possible when we were home. 3 years ago my pain began. Since then it has been going down hill. I am 3 weeks post op and much has changed. I am spending my time in recovery practically alone. She says I am almost unbearable to be around when I am in pain. She spends time with her guy friends and gives me time when I really ask for it and it is convenient for her. It is like a daily chore that must be fulfilled. Whenever I bring up the pain or she senses my mood change, she bring up that I wont get any better feeling sorry for myself all the time and that I do not need anyone to give me pity. She believes that because I have had the surgery that all till be better and there is absolutely NO reason to feel down at all. Any sex has stopped. She puts the blame on me for it ceasing and claims the reason is that I no longer find her attractive. She does not consider how much pain such activities cause. I loved to hike with her and do outdoor activities and I was at the point I could no longer do it. I have to rely on myself each and everyday to get through the physical and emotional/mental pain and live my life as normally as I can, alone.

    As EnglishGirl expresses, there are times that you just want to snap at the person and tell them "WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WANT FOR ME? TO BE MAGICALLY BETTER? WELL IF I COULD JUST MAKE MYSELF BETTER INSTANTLY I WOULD HAVE YEARS AGO!"

    I wake up each day and I fill my time reading and catching up on TV shows. I think all day and try to remember that this is going to be a hard time for everyone and that, yes, I can be miserable but I have to imagine what strain the situation puts on everyone involved. It is almost impossible to block out the bad thoughts when you are trapped in your mind all day. I try to count the days to where things will be back to where I can do what I once could. There are days that it seems that all is hopeless but then the next day I will be closer to that end goal. Since finding this forum it helps knowing that there are others out there that do in fact know what I am feeling. Just keep your head up and know that one day it will be better.
  • sandisandi Posts: 6,269
    edited 10/26/2014 - 4:03 AM
    that I think might be helpful to our loved ones, was to have me bring in my husband prior to my surgery, so he could sit us both down and go over the surgery, and more importantly the recovery period, and make sure that we both understood that it was going to be rough, for a long , long time post op......and that my spouse knew what he/I/ my family was in for........he wouldn't do the surgery if the family didn't come in.
    I suspect it is for reasons like all of yours, where our loved ones expect that spine surgery, is like any other surgery out there, go in, remove/repair, close it up and after a week or two, all better, but it isn't like that.............not even close.
    It is difficult enough for us to deal with not being able to do the things that we did prior to the surgery, without being made to feel worse because we simply can't and being left on our own , to sit on the sidelines while they are rolling their eyes or being distant.....
    . I'm sorry that you both are dealing with unsupportive partners.......it really makes this whole thing that much more difficult.
    Hang in there both of you, you are slowly going to see improvements.......it is just going to take time.
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