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  • RangerRRanger on da rangePosts: 1,033
    Saying like it is, you definitely have earned a lot of respect not only from me but several others here in this arena.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,527
    Yes, I have been dealing with chronic pain, surgeries, flare ups for countless number of years, just like many of our other long term members.

    So, when we speak about how we deal with it, it may sound so easy. But its not, doesn't matter if its been 1 year or 30 years, its always hard. The difference the way I see it, is WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

    When people talk about throwing in the towel and their life is over, I try to pain a different picture. Some may see my painting and others with think is a bunch of stupid words.

    But one thing, I listened to, is that when so many people come here talking about their problem, talking about how difficult it is, probably the last thing they want to hear is that in time it will be ok. They want immediate gratification. I wish I could give that, but I can, just as the others cant. Sandi and Liz, my trusted moderators can offer their views and their experiences. Others can try to give folks a look at things. But, I can see from some thread responses, that is not what they are looking for.

    I wish I could speak easier words, make it sound better, but I cant We are not about to tell you that everything is going to be fine and you can do anything you want in time. For some, that may be true, but we never want to build ups one hope only to have it shattered later.

    So, while it is important for the folks like EnglishGirl and others to build up hopes, it is our job as moderators to tell you both sides of the coin.

    We all wish for the perfect world...
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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  • And you have mine as well.........I respect the fact that all of our members, new and old are in pain and are frightened and aren't sure what to do or not do........so that's why we try to guide them in the right direction.
    My hope is that those who are able to be fixed, do so, and get on with their lives and those who can't or can only be managed, learn enough tools to make their lives as content and fulfilled as they can be.
    In the long run, we want to see people do whatever they can do to get back on their feet, in the maximum capacity that their bodies will allow, and encourage them not to give up, no matter what the diagnosis code is....
    There is always tomorrow, and new technology and developments happening all of the time.........what may not be fixable today, may be tomorrow..... but I don't want to see someone in their 20's giving up and lying in bed, because they think that their life is over........It's not.
  • EnglishGirlEEnglishGirl Posts: 1,825
    edited 12/15/2014 - 7:24 AM
    Ron, I was agreeing with what you said until you got to the subject of hope. You say, "While it's important for folks like EnglishGirl & others to build up hopes, it's our job as moderators to tell both sides of the coin"

    I couldn't disagree more. That's not what I was saying at all. To my knowledge I have never given false hope. It's actually a pet peeve of mine! As I said, the truth from my surgeon was so refreshing for me. Telling someone that it's all going to go away only makes them feel bad about themselves when it doesn't, dashed hopes as you said.

    I believe in sharing how incredibly hard it was for me at the start. I have said 'it gets easier to handle with time, even if the pain & damage gets worse'. I believe that. It's still very hard at times. I'm sure it is for everyone no matter how long they've lived with pain but it doesn't compare to how it devastated me at the start.

    There's a huge difference between giving compassion, sharing how scared & alone I've felt at times, how confusing it can all be & building up false hopes. Saying "I'm sorry you're going through this" is completely different to saying "Don't worry you'll be running marathons in no time!".

    I know its very hard to get the right balance. I agree with Sandi when she says there's a big difference between being a member & a moderator. I think between us all we have a great site. That last post of Sandi's #14 should be our 'Mission Statement' . That's real hope!
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,527
    English Girl, I am sorry, my words did not mean to say you gave false hope.
    To the opposite, you do give hope to others
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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  • SarahLindeauSarahLindeau Posts: 766
    edited 12/15/2014 - 3:14 PM
    There are not many people who care as genuinely as you, Ron and EnglishGirl. You each have a wealth (or you could say bad fortune) of spine history and other medical challenges. But what you each have given me, is friendship and a listening ear. I deeply value what you each say to me. We each have different issues as experiences but what I focus on is the commonalities that connect us. And I always come back here to see what words you share with others.

    2015: Thoracic protrusions C7-T1, T3-4, T6-8
    Dec'13: 360FusionL4-S1 w/bone graft
    2013: 3x2-level disc injections: 12mo surgery postponement
    Dec'12: DiscogramL4-S1
    Sep/Oct'12: Bi-lateral Rhizo AblationsL4- S1
  • sunny1966ssunny1966 VIRGINIAPosts: 1,362
    I am much tougher on myself than others. My thought is always "what doesn't kill me will make me stronger". That's not to say I don't "think" it's gonna kill me sometimes. These forums have been great for me in comfort and understanding for almost six years. Thanks to Ron for helping me through some tough spots! Also a lot of other members here on SH. I think sometimes we need both...tough and soft. These forums are where I always vented....to keep from driving my family mad!
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,527
    What I have always respected about you is that you knew there was a job to be done and you would throw your whole body into it
    Yes you knew you would pay the price.
    It's all about prorites and for what you have done over the years , you will always be top and special in my mind
    Now let's get our hands into the soil
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • Pamela9PPamela9 WashingtonPosts: 44
    I can not even begin to express how grateful I am for all of the members and the moderators on this site. It helps me to know others have been down this path. Your journey may be different but the hills and valleys are common to us all. My arthritis doctor (rheumatologist) is brutally honest. It leaves me reeling. I come here for honesty and the shared experiences. Sometimes I attempt to give hope to someone else and other times, I need feedback or reassurance. When I asked questions prior to the ACDF surgery the NS directed me to this site instead of answering them. The extreme hands-off approach of my surgeon sometimes leaves me very needy.
  • shouston7sshouston7 SOUTH CAROLINAPosts: 34
    Read this thread last night and today had my 5th injection for lumbar L5. and gave me time to Think about how I wanted to express myself and came to the conclusion that we all have different needs on different days, tonight I don't think I could handle tough love without some TLC too, the higher the level of pain goes the less I can take the "buck up girl!', attitude. I'm not a marine! I am a grandma that believes gentleness, kindness, understanding and and a lot of chocolate helps when all I want to do is scream!
    Yes I do want to hear any truth about my condition, my mental state, and my attitude, but I want it told to me with respect and understanding, my personality is such that if someone comes at me like a freight train, it only serves to make me blind, deaf and mute and it takes a long time for me to be able to communicate, if ever, to that person.
    Hope this makes sense! Thank you Spine Health for a place to go to learn and listen and be heard. It has been a blessing in my life! KUDOS to all of you spiney's for the courage you all have shown:)


    S. Houston
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