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Your Doctor - How much do you trust them or not

dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,304
Another major topic on this forums has been the doctor of the patients. Some have had excellent relationships with and others have had miserable times.

I dont want this to get into any doctor bashing, because we will not allow this.

Instead, I would love to hear all the positive aspects of your doctor as well as the negative.

I've been going to doctors longing then I wish to comment on... In the past (prior to 2010's) I do not remember any doctor wanting to have any review done on them. But today, I see it all the time... You go to a doctor and then you can provide a review.

So, in some ways, this is what this is about. No mention of names (that is a forum violation), no nasty words (again a forum violation)
but instead, it would be great to hear what makes a doctor great and what makes them one they you never want to see again.

My bets, its Aaron, itsautonomic will be the first to respond to this one.... And if he does, I am glad, because he has a lot to offer.
Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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1

Comments

  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    That would be correct, but sadly I don't have anything bad to say (: the team I am with now I trust with my life and wouldn't trade for the world. They have truly changed my life and came into my life and found answers that I needed to regain my sanity.
    One in particular is my neuromuscular doctor, she is head of a major hospital in that department, but when you get in to see here there is no air of ego whatsoever, no pre-judgement. She is always late, but says she will never leave a patient with questions which is music to my ears so I wait with a smile. She is a detective, very brilliant , open minded and thinks outside the box. She wants to know why I am hurting or parts of my body are not working, rather than just throw meds at something, but she puts it out that if I am suffering to bad we can treat with meds. She is compassionate, caring and respectful of what these issues have done to me over the last couple of years and works to address not just my physical issues , but the mental toll that it has taken. She responds to my portal messages even though I know she is one of the most sought after in all of Houston in her field, and if more discussion is needed or a clue is found she calls my phone directly and we talk , for 30 minutes last time at what I guess was her lunch break. She is selfless and genuine.
    She found several issues no other doctor could, then was able to trace them back and test to confirm suspicions based on a gambit of physical, mental, and radiological testing. Then explained everything in logical form, never in a condecending way.
    But most of all she treated me like a human, a friend and not just a patient and saw me for who I was, just someone who was looking for help getting better. She told me I could stop apologiziing for the list of strange symptoms, everything is proven medically now and makes perfect sense , I a 6'4 230 lb man shed some tears in her office that day.
    So I could talk about all the doctors I saw along the way, and the negative stuff if anyone wants to know, but for now I can say I have a great doctor who I have full trust in and if she can't help me no one can. All i wonder now is what is the reason all doctors are not like this, the bar has been set high with her.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • I've said this before but it bugs me so I'll say it again hahaha! I consider my relationship with my doc one of the most important in my life...sad but true! I wouldn't let a contractor I don't trust do work on my house! I'd get several opinions & 'quotes'. So many patients get referred to a complete stranger & despite bad feelings & frustrations just carry-on seeing that doc.
    I completely understand the urge to doc bash. Chronic pain is a strange beast. To begin with I was convinced there was something wrong with the clinic I went to because they didn't take the pain away. It's all part of the journey but if you really don't have anything good to say about your doc find a different one.
    Having said that, I spent nearly a year seeing a guy who couldn't remember my name let alone what was wrong with me. Honestly, despite copious diagnostic tests showing severe degeneration of every kind he ended-up snipping "Maybe if there was something PHYSICALLY wrong with you I could do more!". When I requested copies of my medical file I received information on a 70 year old lady with fibromyalgia! These things happen.
    My doc is commpassionate. Takes his time....yes! I see him & not a nurse. He knows me, my family situation & my condition. He's not afraid to say, "I don't know!". I trust him & truly believe that he cares. I know it takes time to build a relationship but the warning signs are there early on when you've got a bad one.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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  • I know there's a lot to be said for positive mental attitude but I wish more docs would tell it like it is. It caused me so much frustration! You know? The basics we say here like "Narcotics will never take all the pain away" "the blend" etc. I went through sooooo many years of this & was never told anything like that. Even procedures....I left with a little piece of photocopied paper saying "You may experience a little discomfort." then it's a shocker that patients panic when their pain flares thinking something is very wrong "It hurts more now than it did before the procedure. It didn't work!". I love this forum but a lot of it could be avoided with better communication from docs.
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    Even though I have nothing but good things to say about my doctors now, I have had some rough times getting to this point where I do have trust. In some instances you may just endure more uneccessary pain in your journey to find right medical team, but in other instances, like mine, early intervention was key and not recieving that has led to more damage that is most likely here to stay. The doctors I saw during both my thoracic issues and my spinal cord injury and subsequent neurological problems that dismissed my problems as only phycological vs. physiological did me a huge dis-service. These were the issues I had with these doctors :

    1. My issues had to be mental since their testing did not reveal anything, even though there were limitations on their testing
    2. My issues had to be mental since they had never seen anything like it
    3. Once I treated for these " mental issues" and the phycologist said I did not fit the profile for mental illness causing the issues, I was subsequently told there was nothing the doctor who said it was mental could furthur offer
    4. I was told I was too young to have these issues, to young to put on pain killers , to young to have this many problems that I listed
    5. The doctors did not act as detectives and often did not listen to the clues I had given, which now are very clear and detailed.
    6. I was told I had XYZ, even though the testing did not show it and given XYZ medications to treat symptoms without even understanding what was going on in my body
    7. I was told I had fibromyalgia more times than I can count once the testing and competence of treating doctor was exceeeded. I do not have fibromyalgia
    8. I felt doubted, I felt that the doctor had already preconcived a notion about my symptoms before even getting to helping me
    9. I just wasnt listened to mainly and so many of my issues , while complicated, could be broken down into common sense if you followed the progression from neck injury where I lost feeling in both arms, but not legs
    10. I was made to feel alone in trying to find out what was wrong with me

    I had several good doctors that just were not skilled enough or experienced in what i had to diagnose me and they did refer me to specialists who also struggled and I don't fault a doctor who tried to help and just had to admit they did not know what the issue was , but wanted to get me to place that could help. But as for the other doctors I often have nightmares about burning all over my body and them not listening, or telling them I am crying from the pain and them telling me I was to young for pain killers. I now treat in therapy for what they believe with current doctors to be some small PTSD from the original injury and the feeling alone and dismissed by doctors. The scars that were left are deep, I was alone for almost 3 years just hoping someone could help me. My history as a patient was flawless before all this , I got off disability and always worked hard to get better, had no history of drug abuse or even really asking for help with pain through thoracic herniation. Who i was is right there in my medical notes passed from doctor to doctor, plain to see I am not a drug seeker, faker, or person looking to be on disability for no reason.
    All this feelings of being alone, asking if I really was crazy or mental like I was being told and feeling that I would never get better and burn like this forever caught up with me and I attempted to hang myself in a hotel room out of sheer desperation, but was able to quickly say " what the hell am I doing". Luckily when I presented to question to myself that there was nothing wrong, I feel I know myself very well from sports, exercise and past injuries enough to say , maybe there is an aspect of this thats mental , but something else is wrong. So I kept looking and finally found what was wrong with me and the puzzle is now almost complete. There is so much value in just understanding what is wrong,not feeling crazy and alone medically, having a plan of action and doctors that you can trust. When you are watching your world fall apart and have no idea why it can be devestating to the persons soul. But again I've got my A team now and they are trying to find a way to help get me back to a high functioning person I was before this. Hope, that is what I was given by my team of doctors now and a validation of everything I felt was going on in my body to be real and able to be explained. I was right , so many doctors were wrong,, but I am the one left with the damage and they probably have not thought about me since. Does not seem fair , but I am trying to let it go and be in the past. Trust your body, trust your instincts, and put yourself in the best medical hands you have access to . It is good to get that out and if you knew me while I was going through this time and saw my posts then compared to now its pretty safe to say I am a different person in that area and that's only because I found out what was wrong with me. There is only so long a person can suffer the worst pain they had ever known before they start to break down mentally and I was there. I still struggle alot , but knowing the help is there when I need it or if I need it means so very much.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • My brother could of written much of your post Aaron. As I've said many times before, I'm so terribly sorry for everything that you've endured. After struggling with a diagnoses of ME, Fibromyalgia etc for many years my brother finally took his own life. His doctor attended the funeral, inquests etc. Unlike your past doctors he was very aware of how 'the story ended'. He was actually an incredibly compassionate & kind man to me. He is wracked with guilt. He told me that he constantly questions what he could of done differently. I don't know. Doctors are only human but deep inside I wish he'd admitted that he didn't have the knowledge or experience to handle my brothers problems & sent him to a specialist hospital.
    In my experience many doctors biggest failing is pride. I wish more of them were willing to say, "I don't know!". My doc once told me that he became a doctor for the innocent motivation of 'making people better' & patients like me break his heart because he knows he doesn't have the ability to do that. That's why he's my doctor!! I've posted about the useless insurance I've been stuck with. I'm staying with my doc & paying cash until I can sort my insurance out. He means that much to me!
    I spent years leaving appointments in tears before I found my doc. It's not that he is writing stronger prescriptions, he's not! It's not that I'm in less pain since I've been his patient, it's about the same. It's because I trust him. I believe that he genuinely cares & will do anything within his power to help me. I'm not saying that he does everything I ask him to, he doesn't but I trust that everything he does is with my best interests at heart. Shouldn't all doctors make you feel like that? Sometimes I leave appointments with him setting 'homework', research for BOTH of us to do...I love that!
    Osteoarthritis & DDD.
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  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,304
    I appreciate both of your input. Aaron I really liked your numbered items.

    I do have some inside knowledge since many of our closest frendd are doctors and surgeons, so when I have had recent surgeries, I've gotten the lowdown on which surgeons I should use and which ones I should stay away from

    For me what has always been the deciding factor is instinct and gut feelings. I need a doctor that will give me a firm handshake, look me in the eye and says this is how I am going to help you.

    Tell. Me with that type of start wouldn't you feel comfortable?
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    Yep a plan of action is so meaningful for a patient suffering. It puts some form of control back into your life.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    EG I am sorry about your brother , pain can push a person far past their rational mindset when it's at its worse.. That doctor probably goes about his patients in a totally different way and out of tragedy your brother may have ultimately saved some lives.
    I really feel for that group of people where the diagnosis isn't clear and it takes so very long to find the answers, if they ever do. I thought I understood pain and how to fight it, but all my bag of tricks didn't do anything. I feel like a newborn to pain since I really still can't grasp or truly understand this type of pain where a breeze feels like fire and pain shoots right to the core. I feel so inadequate against it .
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • I already felt like my doctor was not listening to me,
    When i went today she had forgot that i'd already had an MRI scan
    Plus that she had already sent me to the physio

    I know doctors get busy but surely they have time before you go into them to have a quick look at your notes
    Clare
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,304
    any doctor should forget that basic information.

    Heck, we are all busy, thats never an excuse.

    When patients are scheduled for appointments, the doctor, therapist, etc should be prepared.

    I know whenever I go to a doctor's appointment, prior to actually seeing the doctor, one of the Nurses/Technicians/etc will come in and do a quick summary and review of my situation, medications and find out if there is anything new. Then by the time the doctor comes in , they are up to date.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
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