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Did something I probably shouldn't have



  • I feel like the luckiest woman in the world, married to a wonderful man for 22 1/2 years. Looking back to when I was 19 and had my heart broken by Mr. tall dark and handsome, I realize what I thought was true love was actually just a small part of love.

    I just wanted to tell spicey and fancy that it will get easier. I was totally head over heels in love with Mr. Tall. I thought we were perfect for each other; we discussed my "waiting" for him while he was gone for 2 years on a church mission, and I thought I would spend eternity with him.

    Just before he left, he dumped me. I thought my world had ended, and I couldn't understand why...what was wrong with me...why didn't he love me as much as I thought he did...what did I do? All kinds of thoughts went through my young mind, and I cried more buckets of tears than my mother thought possible.

    But you know what, life goes on. I now know that I had only scratched the surface of love with Jon. My heart was broken, but I eventually found a better Mr. Short Fair and Handsome whom I adore.

    I wouldn't want to be at that stage of my life again. but I wanted you to know that it will get easier as time goes on. I'm so sorry for your emotional pain right now, and I know it hurts as much as the physical pain we are going through. Try to look at your relationships and pick out things that you can learn from them. And take it one day at a time. You are both young and beautiful, and Mr. Right will come along one day.

    Surviving chronic pain one day at a time, praying for a reprieve because living another 40 years like this doesn't sound too fun!
  • Hi Fancy,

    I don't have any profound philosophical advice for you, sorry.
    Only that I was with a girl for about 4 years and it ended.
    It took me 5 years to get over her.
    I did go out on a bunch of first dates, but my heart just wasn't in to it. So, I took myself out of the dating pool.

    Then, one day, all of a sudden, love walked in again. Wasn't even looking for it. It was magic. Instantaneously erasing all previous sad thoughts and feelings. I was with her 2 years and was getting ready to settle down.

    Then.....kaboom! I caught her in an unethical and unacceptable situation and the relationship instantly ended.
    She called me a few months after to tell me she missed me so much and wanted me back, but was with a new guy.
    Nice. Just twist the knife more, will ya?!
    That was 2 years ago. I am still hung up on her.

    It sux soooooo bad and hurts like hell. But what are we gonna do?
    So anyways, we can at least comiserate here.

    I hope love walks in to your life again. :D

    On the sunny and mild Central Coast of California

    L4-L5 endoscopic transforaminal microdiscectomy June, 2007
    L5-S1 endoscopic transforaminal microdiscectomy May, 2008
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  • Well, with Kim working like crazy to try and set me up with every guy in her office, maybe it will happen, lol! She's a great friend, I have no complaints there...I know she's supposed to be like Switzerland and neutral (she's friends with both of us) but I think she's kind of peeved at him for doing what he did...I haven't heard anything yet but he doesn't check his e-mail every day so that doesn't surprise me.

    I'm so sick of playing the dating game I could puke...But it is what it is, so I can't do much about it! And I'm down because my birthday's next Wednesday and I always seem to end up being alone on my birthday...And the 5th wheel as I'm the only one not coupled up, so I go to my dinners alone and sit there while my mom and sister have their SO's and talk about that stuff and I just sit there.
  • Fancy,

    I don't know the whole story of what happened with you and your ex. It did remind me of this wonderful guy who happened to "walk into" my life 9 years ago. I had given up men all together... and actually had no interest in a relationship with him at all. I was tired of giving every part of myself, and ready to have some fun of my own. With full intentions of a one night stand... much to my surprise, he actually called the next day, and the next, and the next. I didn't want a relationship, but he was so sweet, and funny I finally gave in. We quickly became best friends and spent every minute together. Then after six months of new relationship bliss suddenly he stopped calling. Bam! heart broken. He needed "space" "its not you its me" All the usuals. I couldn't believe it had happened to me again. But I wasn't going to allow myself to go through it all again. I continued going out, having fun with my friends, and he and I continued talking on the phone. After a week or two, he showed up at my doorstep in tears, apologizing. We've been together ever since. He had his own stuff he needed to work out, and falling so fast for me was a little scary for him. He was in the airforce at the time, and 3,000 miles away from home. In that short time apart he realized he did want to be with me... and here I am today, married to my "one night stand" (lol) with a beautiful 2 year old son.

    I hope everything works out for you. I know its hard to believe, but everything does happen for a reason. Our heartaches teach us how to love truly...

    Good Luck

    Almost always online if you ever wanna chat =)
  • I know it is hard to have your heart broken, I think that everyone goes through it at some point. I thought that I had met the person for me and was going to marry him. He changed his mind and wanted something different. I was so upset. But who was there to pick me up but my good friend, who I have been happily married to for 14 years. He is my true soul mate and we have always been good friends. I was not looking for him, he just came when I needed him the most. The rest is history.

    It is hard but don't get discouraged. Your someone is out there, maybe right under your nose!

    Hope you are doing better.
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  • I know it will get easier, and the same goes for you Fancy. It's not nice to hear that some of you guys have been treated badly too - this awful behaviour is not exclusively a man thing, I guess us ladies just talk about it more and it seems it's always men that are being vile.

    I know that if I could move on from what my husband did to me, then I will certainly move on after this. As we get older we become a little wiser, a little more cynical, a lot less trusting, but one thing for sure is that there WILL come a time when we will love again. And we do this knowing that we will probably get hurt and start the cycle over. I guess it's just part of life, it sucks but we have to learn to live with it. Meanwhile my intention is to look after ME, and try to have some fun along the way :)
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,298
    I've been very fortunate to have gotten to know Spicey(Mary) over the past couple of months and now I message Nancy often. Both of them are true good women who have been through a lot physically and surely the dont need the additional emotionally strain placed by their male relationships

    I can not speak from any actual experiences, I've been married since 1972 and was dating my wife back from 1969. But I have known and been involved in dealing with a number of breakups, divorces, cheating, you name it. Not pretty pictures.

    I don't know why, but in all but one of these situations it has been the male to do the actual deed (the text message, the phone call, the note, or just leaving the house). Now there are always two sides to every story, but there are so many patterns. I do believe to an extent that men are basically selfish and self centered. They lack a sense of compassion that comes out so clearly at times. They are also scared, scared by commitments, by doing whatever it takes to make it happen. Heck, I know, I am a man with some many of those negative qualities. I've been very fortunate to have a woman who understands that and knows how to get me to rise above those things.

    Nancy and Mary, my heart goes out to the both of you. As a parent I am totally aware of any relationship my daughter gets into and I will say that I am over cautious but without being over protective. Both Nancy and Mary know that I am just PapaRon and will give them both tons of big bear hugs.

    If there was a way to ease both of your pain, I would do it.
    Time heals a lot of wounds. And things always happen for a reason. Its so hard at times understanding what that reason may be... but someday, sometime it will become all so clear.

    And the person that you will share the rest of your life with, will walk into your life.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • You did exactly what you needed to do at the moment. Don't second guess your self. No regrets, no matter what happens or doesn't happen, okay?

    Hugs from yo Mama,

  • You are the sweetest virtual Papa any girl could possibly ask for :) :)
  • My fiance and I started as a one-night stand, also. My only other "experience" was a one-night stand that was pretty disappointing, and I wasn't expecting much out of this one either, but it's been almost 3 years now. We moved really fast at the beginning (living together after only about 7 months). Now we've been engaged for over a year and people are always asking me why we haven't gotten married yet. Neither of us sees the point, we don't want kids (ever), and we have all the bills and stuff worked out, so money isn't really an issue. And weddings are expensive. We both consider ourselves married anyway, and neither of us is religious. My problem is that I don't want a big wedding, and no matter what we do, some of our friends/family are going to be mad, so we just keep putting it off.
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