Hi guys ,
I'm feeling pretty despondent today as I'm nearly at my three month mark and I'm in more pain than I was before my surgery .
It's been a pretty tough road but I always felt there was a light at the end of it so to speak .
About 10 days ago I started to have constant sciatic pain and numbness in my left side and various horrible shooting pains in my back . So much that it's now impossible for me to find any position of comfort .
Neither lying , sitting or walking is comfortable .
I can't walk anymore apart from minimally around the house and my spirits are taking a nose dive .
I was practically weaned off my drugs and then the pain hit so I'm back on oxynorm which makes me feel suicidal at times . I can't stop crying and become irrational . I've tried other drugs but codeine makes me ill , amytriptiline gives me insomnia and tramadol gives me restless leg syndrome if I'm a minute late taking it .
I was so happy to be getting off everything and now feel my life is progressing in ever decreasing circles . My fiancé and I had planned to go to China and the US in the coming months and are now having to cancel travel plans as we just don't know how I'll be doing .
I can't drive to see friends and my self esteem has plummeted . I've put on a stone in weight and feel like damaged goods . There isn't any intimacy in my relationship as all leads to pain that goes on for days .
I feel like an old lady . Opposite me is an old ladies home and I see these ladies everyday sitting by the window observing life outside , many are in wheelchairs or can't walk far . I now know how they feel as I can't even go to the shops anymore . My X-rays and three month check us coming up and I'll know if I'm fusing . I've just had a pain block injection this weekend and I'm hoping it will kick in soon . I hope by the time it wears off this sciatic pain will be gone . I feel so bad I cannot care for my children properly and they have to see me like this . I also feel bad I'm so scared of what the future holds and find it practically impossible to be positive with the pain and drugs in my system .
Anyway I suppose I'm hoping to hear from someone who's has a set back and recovered or anyone's a five on how to deal with ongoing pain .
Love to all