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3 months set back

Hi guys ,
I'm feeling pretty despondent today as I'm nearly at my three month mark and I'm in more pain than I was before my surgery .
It's been a pretty tough road but I always felt there was a light at the end of it so to speak .
About 10 days ago I started to have constant sciatic pain and numbness in my left side and various horrible shooting pains in my back . So much that it's now impossible for me to find any position of comfort .
Neither lying , sitting or walking is comfortable .
I can't walk anymore apart from minimally around the house and my spirits are taking a nose dive .
I was practically weaned off my drugs and then the pain hit so I'm back on oxynorm which makes me feel suicidal at times . I can't stop crying and become irrational . I've tried other drugs but codeine makes me ill , amytriptiline gives me insomnia and tramadol gives me restless leg syndrome if I'm a minute late taking it .
I was so happy to be getting off everything and now feel my life is progressing in ever decreasing circles . My fiancé and I had planned to go to China and the US in the coming months and are now having to cancel travel plans as we just don't know how I'll be doing .
I can't drive to see friends and my self esteem has plummeted . I've put on a stone in weight and feel like damaged goods . There isn't any intimacy in my relationship as all leads to pain that goes on for days .
I feel like an old lady . Opposite me is an old ladies home and I see these ladies everyday sitting by the window observing life outside , many are in wheelchairs or can't walk far . I now know how they feel as I can't even go to the shops anymore . My X-rays and three month check us coming up and I'll know if I'm fusing . I've just had a pain block injection this weekend and I'm hoping it will kick in soon . I hope by the time it wears off this sciatic pain will be gone . I feel so bad I cannot care for my children properly and they have to see me like this . I also feel bad I'm so scared of what the future holds and find it practically impossible to be positive with the pain and drugs in my system .
Anyway I suppose I'm hoping to hear from someone who's has a set back and recovered or anyone's a five on how to deal with ongoing pain .
Love to all


  • Sheri76Sheri76 Michigan Posts: 646
    So sorry to hear of your set back of pain! I would be disappointed too. So hoping the injection gives you relief soon. Your three month X-rays must be in the immediate future, hoping for the best for you.

    Don't give up hope...possibly just inflammation causing pain, but I would take it easy till you know for sure.

    So ironic you say you live by senior housing, I do also, and yes, at times it is disheartening to see some of them....but the majority of them love living there, love living period. I try to take one day at a time, my fusion has been a slow healing process also, but I have faith someday things will start to settle and I will feel more like celebrating the new me, the me I've yet to be.

    I can imagine trying to heal, and caring for children makes it much more challenging and stressful, so try and surround yourself with as much supportive people as you can. Most people generally want a better life for others, and are willing to help out when needed.

    Be kind and patient with yourself....your body needs more time to heal. It wouldn't hurt to let your Dr know of your feelings of inner turmoil, they may be able to help with that, and maybe want to do some blood lab work up for you.
  • Thanks Sheri for your words of encouragement .
    Nothing much has changed , had pain bloc a week ago now but it hasn't really touched the sides .
    Now I also seem to have bad abdominal pain around the anterior approach area . Feels like how I would imagine a hernia to feel . Both legs and feet in pain .
    I'm actually flying to France in two days for work and am terrified I'm going to be in awful pain but just can't cancel . It's just so hard to remain positive especially when I read so many stories of people with the same symptoms as me after fusion . Looking at stepping up my medication and I can't tell you how rubbish that makes me feel . I've been in bed all day as just knackered from not sleeping due to pain . How are you doing ?? Best Z
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  • Sheri76Sheri76 Michigan Posts: 646
    Hey Zoe.... Sorry you're still not improving....and I can't even begin to imagine trying to travel in your pain.

    My fusion was from backside, so I'm sure there's a difference in pain, but pain all the same.

    Do you have a fever at all? I had issues with UTI's before and after my surgery, and that did cause more back and flank pain, but I had just contributed it all to spine issues. Hoping your Dr's have checked those things for you...even possible surgery infection....just wouldn't want to see you travel and become worse away from home.

    I just had X-rays done a couple days ago, haven't heard anything yet....hoping it's just inflammation, but started having a decline in activity because of pain in the past few weeks....started when I dropped cane while out for a walk....only use it while walking outdoors, incase I have a muscle spasm or sneeze, help stabilize myself. I was able to kick my cane up to an incline, but still too far down to pick up, so I got down on knees, and on the way back up I really struggled, even though I was able to use a rail to help me. I didn't feel anything go awry, but did feel a strain of spinal compression. Since my surgery I haven't felt like I've had the mobility I thought I would have, so maybe it's just the way it is with me, maybe just a flare up, but it feels more like something went wrong in sacrum area, just below fusion.

    I go in to work on Monday to talk with administrators about starting retirement and social security, Dr sent paperwork I can't go back to what I was doing. Hopefully, someday I can do something on a much less physical scale, but at the rate my body is healing I don't see that happening for at least a year. Patience ....

    Hoping all will start getting better for you, and you have a safe, and enjoyable trip : )
  • ZoezoeZZoezoe Posts: 14
    edited 11/01/2015 - 2:37 AM
    Sorry to hear about your pain and difficulties . I hope the X-ray results are good .
    It's very frustrating when you take a step back .
    It's so difficult to know how much activity to take on and it's almost impossible not to put a strain on things by accident .
    Funny you should mention itu's as I've had cystitis on and off since surgery , not to mention haemorrhoids !
    Oh the joy .
    I'm very close to cancelling trip , apart from the pain I'm just at such a low ebb , it's probably the opiates , hardly any energy .
    I hate to think of all the people here suffering , it's such a terrible loss , so much potential and people having to give up their jobs , their hobbies , life just gets so hemmed in .
    It's a cliche about taking life for granted , I'd so love to walk or swim or have sex !!!
    I'm supposed. to be getting married next year and I'm so concerned that my fiancé will be marrying an invalid it's taken all the pleasure out of it . Just not sure I could go through with it if I don't get better .
    Really sorry about your job , did you enjoy your work ?
    I hope something comes up for you and of course I hope you make a recovery and this is just a blip .
    I just managed to go on a walk , pretty exhausted now .
    Got a roast dinner to cook for family but will have help so looking forward to eating it !
    I hope you're weekend is going well all things considered .
    Best Zoe
  • Sheri76Sheri76 Michigan Posts: 646
    I don't care for the way pain meds slow you down either, especially the bowels. When I was taking them I had to eat prunes regularly....hate that crappy dammed up feeling otherwise ; ) I think that can add a lot to the brew of depression, and especially adds to the feelings of not being up for sex...Hopefully, your fiancé has a kind and understanding heart, and will endure this storm along with you.....don't give up on him, or you!

    Edit insert here.....I just read your post about down in the dumps....I'm sorry, he doesn't seem to be kind and understanding after all....hmmm....I don't have anything good to say about his attitude....but I hope he comes around to deserve you before it's too late.

    Hope you're feeling more like yourself soon!
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  • Hi all, I am new to this site in fact this is my first comment!
    Zoe, your post caught my eye as it is very similar to my situation at the moment. I had surgery 11 weeks ago, posterior fusion T7-L4 and xlif l2/l3 and l3/l4. Have been on so many painkillers that they caused terrible constipation and ended up in hospital for 5 days. Decided to wean myself off them but the pain was so bad I have had to go back on them but this time with plenty of laxatives!
    My pain has worsened in the last week to extend all over my back and side with knife like pain - with the knife being turned!
    Again have to up the meds. I also have children and a husband and get so low. Sometimes its the guilt of my miserable face that they have to look at and now the tears and yelps of pain that come out of me when the pain is particularly bad
    Also, up until now sleep was quite easy with the odd sleeping tablet but now can't even sleep properly because of the pain
    I realize it may be muscles or nerves trying to fix themselves but what I would love to know is - is this a stage and how long does it last?
    Good luck Zoe...you are not alone!
    Mayo girl
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