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Well............if things couldn't get any worse



  • Thanx for helping me just knowing someone is listening to me is helpful at this point!
  • While I don't know you, I do know that you are always upbeat and cheerful for everyone. I wanted to lend my support. None of us knows what our future holds; our lives can change so quickly! I am sorry you are going thru this. You have lotsa friends and moral support here.---Mazy
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  • I'm not working and haven't been able to work in a year now. I don't know when or if I'll be able to go back to work so I understand the financial worries, especially when your spouse and sole support decides to leave. It's scary.

    I wish I could give you my hard earned wisdom but I'm still in the middle of this too. My husband dropped the bomb on me 3 weeks ago. So, I'm still working on it. One thing I'm trying to keep in mind is that although my disability may be a little more evident, he's disabled too. If we had to wear signs around our necks to let others know what our disabilities were (all of us) mine would say spine problems but his would say "insensitive to others", or maybe "exclusively self-centered". When I look at it that way, I think I prefer my disability, thank you very much. :)

    So, keep your chin up and hang in there. I'm here for you anytime.

  • Cherry,

    I'm so sorry you are going though this. Keep posting and know that you always have a shoulder here.

  • I believe that with our inner strength and the support form those around us we can all get through anything. We support each other and gain strength from the network of our friends.

    I always thought that sort of statement sounded so crass and hollow until I was in a dire situation.

    First hubby started knocking me around but when he held a knife to our sons throat a little switch went off inside of me and I KNEW I could stand up to him. I felt like superwoman the day I went to court and got an injunction to get him out of the house and to stop hitting me. It wasnt smooth sailing but within 18 months we were divorced and I was settled into a new life with my son.

    I then met another guy and we married a year after having number 2 son. I had 3 miscarrages within 18 months and my head was very screwed up. His answer was to walk out which he did 3 times in all till i made sure he wouldnt come back.
    He is a postman at the local sorting office and texts me with details of what letters i have been sent just to show he has power over me. As this is only very illegal he has been warned that if this continues he will be out of a job. He forgot i work with his bosses wife!!

    Since then i have met the most wonderful man who has shown me nothing but respect and love since we have been together (2 yrs). His family are some of the nicest people i have ever met. Without them, and my boys i would never be able to get through the upcomming custody battle as well as the back surgery complications I am dealing with now. (and he got made redundant last week)

    I suppose what I am trying to say is dont give up. Vent when you need to. Dont be afaid to ask for help when you need it or too proud to accept what is given from the heart.


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  • I'm so sorry.
    I can only imagine what you are going through right now. It is a fear of mine that my husband will get tired of me and all my medical problems and up and leave me too.
    "For better and for worse" surely don't have the same meaning as they did when our parents took their vows.
    My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • I hate to say it's funny! but the way you describe it is funny! and that is how my hubby is, he was disabled too years back a life threatening accident almost took his life, he was told he'd never walk again...........but I was there for him every minute never once thinking he was a burden........but with therapy and quite a few operations he healed but obviously his mental state did not because he is very insensitive and almost callous to my issues! what are you doing for money? will you have to move?
  • Would you PM me please hun I'd really like to chat with you!
  • I dont understand how people can just up and walk out and turn their backs on years and years of marriage. I am only 38, but i have been married for almost 11 years now; and we have been through our share of b.s and not once did my wife turn and walk;thought she had many times to be able to.. i am so sorry CHERRY and if there is anything that i can do to make ya feel just a little better; keep your head up, lean on family, and have faith in God, and you will make it through this.. I feel for you so much; it just makes me so sad to hear that people are like this; Cherry, you have been through so much physically. and now your mental load is being worked on.. i will pray for you and i hope that all will work out for you.. you may add me as a "buddy" if ya want and we can PM if that will make you feel better... take care
  • I am going to be able to get disability - I had long term disability insurance that I bought through my employer and they just approved my claim 2 days before my husband dropped the bomb! Looking back now, I wonder if he wasn't waiting to find out if I was going to be approved before he made his move. I am still going to have to move though, because my disability will only be 60% of a full time paycheck. And that won't cover rent, living expenses and medical expenses! So, I am fortunate enough to have a daughter who is 100% supportive and wants me to come and live with her. It means quite a move, but my husband is so ready to get this over with that he is willing to pay the traveling expenses. I'll be moving to Hawaii on August 26 - me and my little dog. I have a lot to get done between now and then but I am trying to keep my focus on the positive and not dwell on everything else.

    I don't know where you live but many states will set spousal support in addition to child support and often you don't have to wait until the divorce is final to get it set up. Usually they look at the abilities of both parties to earn an income and the impact the separation is going to have on the quality of living for the other spouse. It isn't usually indefinite support, but since you can't work and you have children to support and this will definitely impact the quality of life for you and your children it is worth looking into. Additionally, at least until your divorce is final, your husband cannot cancel your insurance coverage - legally those changes can only be made with a change in family status and the insurance company will require proof before cancelling your coverage. Also, the insurance company will be required to offer you COBRA coverage, which is usually good for an additional 18 months. Now, here is an interesting tidbit for you. Your husband will probably not be able to keep you on his regular (employer provided) insurance once you are divorced, but given your circumstances, he can be required as part of your divorce to pay your COBRA insurance payments. Just have the court order that and explain that you can't afford the payments on your own (they can be quite expensive) but that your health conditions require that you have insurance coverage. Also, the court will usually require that he continue to cover your children on his insurance. I can't imagine that you would not be able to get those things for yourself.

    Additionally, if he is the one that wants out, you may be able to stay in your home (at his expense) at least until the divorce is final and possibly for a set amount of time after the divorce, at the very least. Just because he wants out does not mean that his responsibilities to you or your children end on the day he decided he was done. You don't deserve this and you need to take every step to protect yourself and your children.

    I hope this is TMI, but I am learning these things as I go along and want to share the wisdom. :)

    I hope you are doing well. Take care of yourself.
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