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I am losing the battle one day at a time.



  • armelindarmelind South TexasPosts: 131
    Twyler.... that's it exactly. I come home from work and go to bed because i am so worn out. But I lay there since I am an insomniac. I lay there in my own bed in my own room, trying to rest, hoping for 20 minutes of sleep at least. Then I wake up eat dinner, then pray for sleep before 2am. It is 12:03am now and I have already missed 2 days of work in this pay period due to my lack of sleep and the extreme pain i experience when i don't get enough sleep. MY wonderful wife is in her bedroom alseep on her own bed. I snore loudly since i started gaining weight with the intensified pain over the years.

    I went to my yearly surgeon checkup and he says I am healed up very well Orthopedically. However i am starting to get some bone spurs on my vertabrae. He didn't tell me how they would affect me but he wants to keep an eye on them. He is sending a message to my Pain Doctor to ask him to seem if i will be a good fit for the nerve stimulator. I am a bit scared of trying it. It is basically my last option and if it don't work, what will be my reasoning to carry on gathering more pain?
  • I am relatively new to to this terrible chronic pain situation but I want you to know you are not alone. It hard not to give up but as a group here we help each other. I hope and pray you have a better day.
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  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    Does anyone really win with chronic health issues? A My answer is no sadly, some lose much more/suffer much worse , but my opinion is no one wins this game.  Do some people make best of their situation and succeed within the limits of it and with new, modified life goals, sure, but no one "wins".  Most of us were healthy at a previous time in our lives.  I hate chronic pain and chronic illness for anyone, it's the chronic part that I hate the most.  We are all such fighters, many people in life that are healthy can be very lazy and allow themselves to develop health issues that could have been prevented, but if you told any of us if you do these steps and you will cure yourself.  It wouldn't matter if it took 10 years or more  we would stick to it.  Just to get a light at the end of the tunnel.  
    I hope things can at least get manageable for you armelind.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • TwylerTwyler sprinfield, MoPosts: 4
    I hope today brings rest and reassurance that things will be okay.  Because let's face it,  it will never be better than just okay in my experience lol.  But hell,  just okay is better than nothing.  I also can't believe you are still working!?  What do you do?  (If you don't mind me asking?  
  • armelindarmelind South TexasPosts: 131
    I work at a desk doing Autocad stuff. Here is the funny thing. I have no range of motion impairments with moving around except for my increased weight gain. My issue is like a severe tooth ache or migraine. Everything just hurts but nothing causes it other than nerves being damaged. Thats the kicker in this.... if the intense pain would be gone, I would be 100%, I could lose weight, I could do everything I could do before that I cant do now. I am noticing my legs are getting weaker. but thats all. Pain 24hrs aday.... like right now I am at a constant 6 or 7. But if I were to do something like wash the dishes (put dishes in a dishwasher), I would have 10 minutes of ok...then suddenly a 9....for about 2 hours. I cant do anything but sit down and wait for the shakes and sweating to go away. Sitting at a computer is fine (6 or 7 pain level) as long as I get up every little bit, do a lap of my work area, sit down and continue working. Its all I can do. I am tired of the pain for what seems like no reason at all. I am its prisoner.
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  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,584
    armelind, its true that the pain is with us so very often, with its spikes at times.

    at times its the beast    (excuse some of the formatting, which is not working here)

    the point i always want is that we are never the prisoner of the beast, instead we find every way to battle it so that we are in control

    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • TwylerTwyler sprinfield, MoPosts: 4
    I for one am glad for this forum.  It helps with my depression from pain.  Learning I'm not alone.  I've done the suicide attempt, it was not pretty,  and I spent a total three weeks in hospital, and then almost a month in a mental health facility.  Having to deal with the anger of actually surviving. I'm okay now, and found better coping mechanisms.  I somehow just want everyone to be okay.  Hope today was better for you Armelind! 
  • armelindarmelind South TexasPosts: 131
    I am mowing the lawn... not because I want to...or that it doesnt kill me....but if I dont, no one will. I cant afford to pay everyone to do the stuff for me that hurts too much.
    Besides... if i truly was gonna end it... I already have it planned and it will look accidental all the way.
  • Toying with the Ideation of suicide...some folks with spinal issues throw the idea around
    Its comforting..the "I have an option" nuclear option..the i still have control feeling.

    Mean while getting near the edge and backing away..
    Fascinating to walk the edge and see how far you can go before wobbling and ..almost falling..

    Its a viscious cycle
    Meanwhile the ones you dont think are worried about you..are

    There are suicide hotlines for a reason
    Toying with life ending drastic measures as a comforting idea isnt healthy in the long run.

    I dont know you
    But ive walked and worn out those mocassins.
    Respectfully sir.
    With much respect k

    Get over the fact that your chronically in pain.
    You will be in pain
    You been in pain before
    Get away from the weak side of you.
    You still got Music
    You still got the ability to play and give that part of yourself to and for others.

    You have an audience
    Use it,
    Make them aware of the grind and the fight
    Put your pain into words
    Make them a part of this walk

    Give a voice for those who dont.
    You know the Red Dirt is big here
    Use it.

    You got tools buddy
    Use them
    Your not helpless
    Your not without means to fight this
    Get off this horse and get a faster one
    This one only goes in circles anyway

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • armelindarmelind South TexasPosts: 131
    i will comment later when I can choose more words than what I have today.
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