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Post-ACDF depression

I'm 2 weeks post-surgery and still having a lot of pain, can't sleep because of it, etc etc. My fiancé pretty much checked out a couple days after surgery (he has stress from work & family) so I've been taking care of myself and doing laundry, cleaning cat boxes, doing dishes, basically everything I wasn't supposed to be doing and I know that's why I'm not feeling better.  I don't have many friends and my family has only visited a couple times, so I've been really depressed & feeling alone in this. I take care of people when they're sick & try to uplift their spirits, and my fiancé comes home & complains about his job & all his stress via texts all day , then falls asleep on the couch. Is anyone out there in my shoes? I'm really just feeling lonely & kind of mad at the whole situation. 
Thanks, Katie
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Comments

  • Hi Katie 1

    Oh I just hate reading when someone is feeling like you are right now but know that there are so many that deal with those that show no compassion what so ever. Have you sit down and told them exactly how you feel and asked them for help? Some times we expect them to read our mind or know what needs to be done. What about the instructions from the doctor for after care you could show them that? I have never had back surgery but I just cannot imagine trying to do laundry don't want to do anything that might slow your heeling process.You need someone to be there for you is there no one who you can call or what kind of insurance do you have I do know my neighbor who had knee surgery has someone coming to the house to help her. What about church just a thought if you have one near by even if you are not a member some times they will step up and help that happened to me years ago. Then there is the state programs I am not sure how to go about that maybe there are other members on here that have some ideas.

    The depression and getting mad will add to your pain and I know myself from times I was really low the longer it went the worse it got. This past year I sought our mental care and she is not exactly up on pain but being able to talk to her helps me. It is hard to make that step at times but it really can be a really positive thing to do. So take care of yourself right now that is where you need to focus. I am the same way always giving to others and I don't have support from others so I know those feelings it hurts and does make you mad but it only upsets me doesn't even seem to bug them. I am trying to not let it get to me but it is hard.

    There are so many supportive people here who have helped me so much so stay and do take care if I can be of any help I am a good listener you can PM me if you want.

    Take care Sherri

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,385
    Hello KatieI.!
    Welcome to Spine-Health
    Please click on link for helpful information!
    Sue
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

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  • I'm also in recovery from my recent ACDF surgery on. 3/14/16. I don't have much help either. It SUCKS! This is definitely a slower and longer recovery than I anticipated! I have my 1st post-op appt. tomorrow. 
  • KinseyKinsey LouisianaPosts: 1
    Hi all, I am 5 weeks post 3 level ACDF and over all I am doing well. I can simpathize with you all regarding feeling alone in this. While my husband has not neseccarily checked out...he has more or less told me what I should and shouldn't be doing in my recovery. He took off of work the day of my surgery and went back the next, witch was fine because I was going to be in bed for the first few days anyways. He did call from work to check on me and took care of dinner for him and our 14 year old son. He did the dishes a couple of times but other than that...that was it. A few things piled up to say the least. I refused to do any work my first two weeks because I followed my Dr.'s orders up to my 2 week post op appt. I went back to work at 3 weeks post surgery with restrictions on lifting etc. I vowed to be extremely careful and not do anything that would endanger my recovery. I've been pretty much maintaining our home by myself ever since. I have to stop and take breaks while sweeping..(we have wood floors in most our home..so ALOT of sweeping). I have to take break after I mop as well...which is not unusual because I had to do the same pre surgery, but yeah, I have to do it all as well. It is very frustrating to have that burden while recovering from this type of surgery. With my hysterectomy 2 years ago...I was back to normal in less than two weeks. I was still careful with lifting, ext. but was able to bounce back quickly...THIS time was a wholey other thing. It knocked me on my bottom. I'm feeling the depression as well, but from what I have learned is common just from everything involved with the surgery etc. I have learned to just shut down when I have to and not feel guilty about it. I have to take a nap or just lie down often and I have learned to just do it and not feel guilty. It's funny how our almost 15 year old son gets it when my husband doesn't. I've had to learn to do what I need to do to recover as best I can because it's my body..my recovery...the rest of my life depends on how I recover from this. I have to put me first a lot lately, while I do feel guilty for doing that...it is nessecary for me to recover well and full from this. I am typing this as I still am in bed at 1:19 p.m. I'm a sped para and we're out for spring break this week thankfully. Praying we all survive this...:)
  • SongJinSSongJin Arizona Posts: 287
    edited 04/04/2016 - 9:13 AM
    Katie! I had a very similar experience to you--I'm 3 weeks post-op ACDF and there was so much interpersonal drama around my surgery that made it all way worse. My boyfriend also hasn't been much help, and though I have friends, there's been problems there and only so much they can be expected to do. I don't have any family, so I feel the same way--I've been on my own through a lot of this, and it's so depressing some days. It's amazing how alone you can feel struggling through not just the pain, but maybe also feelings of injustice that there's no one here to help you do these things you need help with? Like there are things that need to get done, and you're not supposed to do them (like clean the cat box, etc), but then who else is going to do it? I fell down the stairs and either sprained or broke my ankle a few days ago and that was a (pun intended) breaking point for me. There was one night after that where no one could come help me at all, and I couldn't walk or do anything. I just felt so totally lonely and depressed. Anyway, feel free to PM me or come find me on Facebook or something. I sleep at odd hours so I'm a good late night chat buddy. 
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  • You guys are breaking my heart! I have an ACDF scheduled for April 19 and I'm a single mom. I am engaged, but it's a long distance relationship and he lives 2.5 hours away. I know he will be here on the day of surgery, maybe the day after. Then I'lll be on my own. I have had 5 lumbar back surgeries and although I was married through the first two, was on my own with no help and my kids were 2 and 3 then 3 and 4 at the time. I remember how rough it was and how alone I felt. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Do your best to keep your spirits up. Please message me if you want. Big hugs!!!
  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,385
    Hello Kinsey!
    Welcome to Spine-Health
    Please click on link for helpful information!
    Sue
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,385
    Hi  Kinsey.....
    I have never been candidate for surgery, but with my spinal issues and chronic pain, I know, and have been told by my doctor, that the vacuuming, sweeping, mopping and such is one of the worse activities I can do..re caring for my spine.

    I, too, will feel the pain, if not immediately by end of day, and continue for as many days as it takes.
    And the needing to rest and very tired goes for most any activity I do.

    You may be interested to read the post, ..The Spoon Theory.
    It was something that some of my loved ones were able to better understand.
    Now I just say, " I'm out of spoons", and they get it.

    You can find using search on this site, upper right on page.
    Sue
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History


  • Thank you, Sherri...things just got worse & worse, so I left him and am now recuperating at my mom's with my family's support.  I guess some people can't handle it when others are sick and need help.  Those kind of people are not who I want to be around! 

    Katie 

  • SongJin said:

    Katie! I had a very similar experience to you--I'm 3 weeks post-op ACDF and there was so much interpersonal drama around my surgery that made it all way worse. My boyfriend also hasn't been much help, and though I have friends, there's been problems there and only so much they can be expected to do. I don't have any family, so I feel the same way--I've been on my own through a lot of this, and it's so depressing some days. It's amazing how alone you can feel struggling through not just the pain, but maybe also feelings of injustice that there's no one here to help you do these things you need help with? Like there are things that need to get done, and you're not supposed to do them (like clean the cat box, etc), but then who else is going to do it? I fell down the stairs and either sprained or broke my ankle a few days ago and that was a (pun intended) breaking point for me. There was one night after that where no one could come help me at all, and I couldn't walk or do anything. I just felt so totally lonely and depressed. Anyway, feel free to PM me or come find me on Facebook or something. I sleep at odd hours so I'm a good late night chat buddy. 

    Thank you so much for your reply! I finally left him. I'm recuperating at my mom's now, I have a long way to go but I'm determined.  

    Katie
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