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Transition

Since becoming a Spiney
You went from "there" 
To here.

Without ceremony
Without fanfare

But in this transition
Did you...

Or are you still in between two worlds.

Neither fully healthy
Nor fully invalid
Simply..in between...

Some have had time to move on, forward and leave the transitory state behind.
To have grown away from the uncertainty
To a more Mature state of being.
Not so much as growing older as is changing states.

Some
Have not
Can not
Will not ...make the next step in the process of Long Term Chronic Pain .
Some..have moved on
Some are forever stopped in between worlds.

Uncertainty
Anguish
Doubt
Fear
Anger
Frustration
Violent swings between emotions from a constant unending uncertain view of a future.
Or a constant unending keening in the soul for what was..will never be again.

Its all between in this twilight world.
Not passing through the veil, the efemeral curtain between facing what is to be..
And sitting in what isnt anymore.

Is it so hard a transition in a lifetime of transitions?

Is, Change..so foreign a concept now?
Has there been enough change..and more to come that bothers you.
Is the uncertain darkness that scary that you will no longer go forward?
Is it the tightrope over the black..that unbalanced step from here..to there over the unknown that stops you.

Change is ever and only the one constant in life.

Where do you go from Here?
William Garza
Spine-Health Mod
erator

Welcome to Spine-Health

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Comments

  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    I have found the change gets harder, not easier over time.  Feels like it should be the other way around, but you lose so much that the things you have left you hold onto with all your heart.  When they go due to chronic issues, it seems harder each go around.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • Your right there.
    Is it a hardening?
    Enough has been taken!!! I cant give no more...

    But..still.."in between" one stage to the other.
    Not here
    Not there and dealing with diminishing resources.

    This is a rough life.
    What happens when you let it all go?
    The pain,frustration,anger...
    Have you turned a new page each time?
    Or did you lose more?
    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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  • Max_LeeMax_Lee New York, United StatesPosts: 389
    Limbo is a place I have been for the entire time I've been dealing with this. I'm coming up on a year this June, and I still don't know...anything, really, just that I have to have it under control before I take a job as an EMT. I've lost a lot, and I'm still trying to get some semblance of a life again. I'm sort of stuck, with all the bad memories I have and the problems I'm facing. I want to move on, it's just difficult.
    Kieran 
     "The loneliest people are the kindest. The saddest people smile the
    brightest. The most damaged people are the wisest. All because they do
    not wish to see anyone else suffer the way they do.''-Anonymous


    My Story: https://www.spine-health.com/forum/discussion/90688/pain/neck-pain-cervical/help#latest


  • SavageSavage United StatesPosts: 7,385
    I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but about the turn of page.....
    when pain, frustration, anger are let go, yes, I turn to a new page!
    And I do go through the emotions much more quickly now, and thus turn pages more quickly..

    For me, some of the continued "hits" are just more unbalancing.......that time before letting go, I can find myself staring at the page I'm on ....with unbelief, and trying to figure out .....yet again, what just happened?

    But yes! As smooth as possible, acceptance..and I turn the page.

    I think of it as staring at page ..focus of my limitations, and turning page ...focus back to me...continuing readjustment....reinventing of me!
    Sue
    Honorary Spine-Health Moderator
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Please read my medical history at: Medical History

  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    I think I have done both, there are a few things I have handled well after losing but much more that I didn't handle well and will always miss or wish I can do.  If it's a battle I am still alive , but I am losing the war for happiness and anywhere close to the life I worked for.  Just an honest answer.  
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
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  • I think I have done both, there are a few things I have handled well after losing but much more that I didn't handle well and will always miss or wish I can do.  If it's a battle I am still alive , but I am losing the war for happiness and anywhere close to the life I worked for.  Just an honest answer.  

     But it is the process.

    It is messy.

    No one writes a manual on how its supposed to go but go we do.

    All that you gone through...may be a precursor for what you will do tomorrow.
    Another chance to get "it"right when a choice comes up no?

    You are still moving forward
    Maybe not in the intended direction, but movement in any case, that is good!

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health


  • Max_Lee said:

    Limbo is a place I have been for the entire time I've been dealing with this. I'm coming up on a year this June, and I still don't know...anything, really, just that I have to have it under control before I take a job as an EMT. I've lost a lot, and I'm still trying to get some semblance of a life again. I'm sort of stuck, with all the bad memories I have and the problems I'm facing. I want to move on, it's just difficult.

     I see your fight to regain your life as a seed sprouting, and pushing up and forward into the Sun. 
    Its a struggle just to grow and push
    But you are pushing, growing, getting stronger every day.
    The Limbo?
    A dissatisfaction? At the pace your liife assumed after injury
    Now each step harder no?

    But it is this time, between the times that much growing is going on.
    Flexing new mental muscles,spiritual muscles, and the shear physicallity of it all.

    You can get "there" from here.
    Do you think that your developing your strengths in this time?
    What lessons have you seen, learned and taken to heart to help your movement?

    Your still moving
    But you decide now
    Where..you have the urge
    You have the fire
    You have the time to decide

    What has happened
    What will happen
    The whys follow, one at a time
    Not always easy to swallow, but pavestones for moving 

    Dont let what if
    Why
    How..
    Determin your when.

    When your good and ready and you want it enough..you find yourself passing through

    Stronger
    Wiser
    Better.

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health


  • Savage said:

    I'm not sure if this is what you meant, but about the turn of page.....
    when pain, frustration, anger are let go, yes, I turn to a new page!
    And I do go through the emotions much more quickly now, and thus turn pages more quickly..

    For me, some of the continued "hits" are just more unbalancing.......that time before letting go, I can find myself staring at the page I'm on ....with unbelief, and trying to figure out .....yet again, what just happened?

    But yes! As smooth as possible, acceptance..and I turn the page.

    I think of it as staring at page ..focus of my limitations, and turning page ...focus back to me...continuing readjustment....reinventing of me!

     Renventing..

    A Refining.

    A machining by life to a finer finish.
    The rust, dross and un needed bits are cast away, leaving who you will be!

    As Spineys, I think were all in between the stages.

    Not "normal".

    Physicallyy
    Mentally
    Enotionally...

    Not yet...

    The transition from there to here is a rough one...
    And
    We are "here".and we need to go "there"
    To who we will be as Chronic Pain Sufferers..
    I was going to say Victims, but that imply's that we somehow lost...ALL power
    That we have surrendered all to the pain.

    I have always begged to differ.
    Even at its very worst, pain is just that.

    We may have stopped moving forward
    Stopped the business of living

    But owe it to ourselves to get on with it.
    Who decided we were to stay..in between?

    Every step..isnt always forward
    Its a gradual rise to power again.

    Its up to us to decide

    Time for school is over
    Childhoods end
    Innocence lost..

    Time to go...
    Keep turning tnose pages in yiur book of days
    Keep looking
    Keep
    Writing those new chapters!

    The barrier is thin
    Ephemeral
    Frightning

    But so is all change.

    Ince you discover the nature of a thing
    The unknown is less frightening.

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • Broken Glass makes beautiful mosaics

    Gaps in the trees along the road make little beautiful windows into the lit fields

    The chaos of trees make for a more beautiful scene than orderly rows.
    Cherry blossoms on scattered limbs are beautiful.

    Riot are the flowers in the fields
    All scattered about seeming random
    And change every year.

    They are always not in order
    In order to be beautiful

    Their only requirement is a changing of seasons.

    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod
    erator

    Welcome to Spine-Health

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