Evening, This is a new system for me to speak to people over forums so please bare with me.
I am 23 years old with disintegrating discs and I am four months post op from a disc replacement at L4/5 - and to be totally honest I am feeling a bit overwhelmed.
Overall the operation was a success despite all medical professionals telling me it wasn't right or worth doing. I have had significant improvement in my sleeping, movement and am now off of Tramadol for the first time in nearly a year.
I do still have a lot of nerve pain and numbeness as well as muscle loss etc which should all be quite positive I know. I can hear myself sounding ungrateful and I am disliking myself for it. Believe me, I suffered for 7 years with this problem before getting surgery so this is my life started over new as an adult but I have felt myself getting more and more down as the weeks have gone on. I should be getting happier right ? Each week my movement gets better, I have gone back to work for a few hours a week which gives me something else to focus on and more people to interact with - to be honest I feel like I did mood wise before my op but with less pain pills to make things easier.
Please understand, I do not wish to come across as a rambling idiot but I am worried I have lost my goals and my fight. When I was first post op, my goals were to get walking, get back to work, get my body better etc but now I have completed those goals I am struggling to find a reason to keep pushing my recovery.
It is making me angry, frustrated and feeling exhausted. My pain level has changed as I detoxed from the Tramadol which does affect my mood as you all know and I normally would put this down to a rough couple of days getting to me however, I am starting to feel like the invalid I was before not the new able bodied body person I could be.
Sometimes at real low points during the day it feels like me and my scar on our own little planet!
It is also quite difficult as there seems to be recovery where everyone smothers you and wants to do all for you and than there is normal life - there doesn't seem to be an in-between and quite typically I am in between. I am definitely a lot more able than being in recovery and am slowly getting back to work etc but I am not fully recovered and still tire very quickly and have a high pain level at the moment.
I can understand frustration at this point as I should be jumping for joy that they finally believed I had pain and did something about it = and believe me I was but now it seems the rose tinted glasses have come off and reality has sunk in.
Any advice or comments welcome,
Keep going everyone, one more day down...