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Social support=0, nada

I read and hear all about having social support to help with all the things that happen is a very important part. Well what if you don't have any, no family, no friends( no that is not an exaggeration). Well I tried a few of these but found them worthless due to the strict rules. I even tried a meeting and conference call, both were disasters as they were all women. Men handle it differently and I was evicted  So what do you do when you really don't have any. I would just crawl into a bottle, but that would kill me real fast. The only support i get is from the aqua therapy people after 5 months I can walk about half the time. That just ended. Anyone got any ideas





  • LizLiz Posts: 9,768
    edited 07/12/2016 - 1:39 AM
    hello couchpotato
    please click on the links for useful information
    welcome to spine-health

    12 ways to cope with chronic pain and depression

    arthritis health


    Veritas-Health Forum Moderator

    Spinal stenosis since 1995
    Lumber decompression surgery S1 L5-L3[1996]
    Cervical stenosis, so far avoided surgery
  • hayahhaya AustraliaPosts: 14
    It's sad the way people don't have time for chronic illness. But please know you aren't alone- there are a lot of us in your position 
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  • I am not a very good writer. I do not think my message was conveyed correctly. Social support at it's most basic form is having people that get your mind off your condition. The rest is extra. Let me ask one question. If all you have is an empty house only see a few people once a week for a few minutes. How can anything progress? Sorry, typing on a keyboard don't cut it. Think of that for awhile, locked in isolation, a debilitating condition, the condition will at best slow down in it's progression. How would you, or could you even handle it.
  • dilaurodilauro ConnecticutPosts: 13,587
    No question that social support helps in ones dealing with chronic situation.  But that is not mandatory in managing the condition.  It always starts with the individual.  Deciding on how much they want to work at making themselves better in whatever ways they can.

    I am not sure, but I get an impression, couchpotato68, that you are not big on having friends in general.
    Ron DiLauro Veritas-Health Forums Manager
    I am not a medical professional. I comment on personal experiences 
  • I have a proposal that may turn you off but hear me out. ;)
    Can you find a local church? Start going to classes they offer & you'll meet people & people who will be there for you more than just as a vent buddy that knows your pain. People who will go out with you & do things outside of the church & get your mind off the pain. If nothing else you at least gave it a shot. It's better than a bar.  ;P
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  • SooveritSooverit Finger Lakes region of NYPosts: 460
    I don't know the extent of your mobility, but here's a suggestion: there's a website called meet up. You can enter your interests and it will show you a list of meet up groups that suit them. It could even be a chronic pain meet up. 

    Also, look up support groups in your local area. If you are homebound due to mobility issues, you could even host the meet up or support group in your home. 

    I'm sorry you are so isolated and alone. Even for those of us who have social supports, it can still feel very lonely and isolating...especially if those close to you don't really understand what you are going through. That's why this site has been so helpful for me, despite having many great social supports. 

    I hope you find your way to some social opportunities. They are out there, you just gotta reach out.

    Take care,
    Sara :) 
  • Thank you all for the suggestions. Over the last seven years since the first injury I have tried most of the above. Talking about it makes me very angry, frustrated, disgusted. As far as not having a lot of friends before that is true. There was little time as I was a caregiver for my parents for 14 years with a 2hour commute one way when I could still work. Gradually they all disappeared. Regarding my physical condition it is constant, random in location, severity and level. I guess the worst is I can not plan any thing. I have passed the point where any medication works beyond dropping it to a six.

    Besides there is the "DUH" factor of how can I be even tolerable when I can never relax, or more to the point always clenching  my jaw, having to think about every movement. No one will tolerate that for very long.

    Lastly, after reading what I just wrote makes me sick, SOC,  incredible amount of whining, and considerable anger and disgust.

    Again thank you all for your replies. 

  • CouchPotato

    Some tough love here

    Get up abd try anyway
    Its gonna hurt..or not

    Self loathing

    Itll burn you out
    It will make youregret wasted time where you could have been learning something new.

    Theres nothing wrong with your brain
    Your spirits beaten down
    And your body is broken..but not all are broken.

    Yes talking about it stinks
    But it gets it out of your system.
    Socialising is putting in..getting out.

    Your in a loop
    A self programing,self realising loop

    Stop thinking no one will listen
    Start being proactive in finding support from a wide range..your a whole person
    Different needs
    Different wants
    Different interests.

    If you narrow the,search, youll get increasingly narrow results

    Depresssion sucks
    Being in thrrall iof it is worse"why try"?

    Because your alive and have value.


    Try to climb out of that narrow view
    Tear that box open

    Pain is one thing
    Suffering is another
    Depression binds those two in a bad combination.

    You have support now
    Act on it.

    Tell us more about who YOU are
    not who pain says you are
    Not who depression says you are

    Who..you are is on thing
    What you are is another
    When....Lets start there K?

    Your not alone
    We have folks who are shut in

    Who got up and walked out..once in a while for the memory of the sun.

    Pain is defining you
    You..should find the limits of what causes and when, then play around those rules.

    Pain isnt your king
    Suffering is fear of pain

    Learn, stop the fear.


    William Garza
    Spine-Health Mod

    Welcome to Spine-Health

  • itsautonomicitsautonomic LouisianaPosts: 2,561
    If you keep the suffering in it in it turns dark. Everyone needs to vent at one time or another.
    Do your due dilegence, trust you know your body and question everything if it does not fit. Advocate for yourself and you will be suprised what will be revealed trusting your body and instinct.
  • Couchpotato68,I TOTALLY  relate to the feelings. I was just there this weekend. My family scoffs at me with my pain. My brother just doesn't get it. Doesn't believe me I guess. The pain can sneak in fast & steal my joy. I've allowed it to many times. I become resentful & angry. I tend to talk about it along when I'm with people. I think it's due to the fact I'm always feeling it & I want the to understand. They don't see a broken bone or blood so I look fine. Then when you can't keep up or do the same fun things you could before,they tend to not invite you or stop calling. It hurts. 
    I thought they were my friends. I guess in the end I feel better if they don't come around if they feel that way about me. I want to be surrounded by people who truly care & love me.

    I hope you can find a way to get out & meet some people near you. I know we aren't the same but we are here for you. 
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