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for agriman

snookiessnookie Posts: 359
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:22 AM in Lighten and Brighten


1. Your butt is never a factor in a job interview.

2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

3. Your last name stays put.

4. The garage is all yours.

5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

8. You don't care if someone notices your new haircut.

9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

10. Same work ... more pay.

11. Wrinkles add character.

12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

17. (had to take this one out)

18. Your pals can be trusted never to ask you, "So, notice anything different?"

19. One mood, ALL the damn time.

20. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

21. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

22. You can open all your own jars.

24. You can go to a public toilet without a support group.

25. You can leave the motel bed unmade.

26. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

27. If someone forgets to invite you to something, you can still be friends.

28. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

29. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

30. Everything on your face stays its original color.

31. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

32. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

33. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader is coming.

34. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "He must be mad at me."

35. No maxi-pads.

36. You don't mooch off other's desserts.

37. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.

38. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.

39. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

40. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

41. You almost never have strap problems in public.

42. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.

43. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

44. You don't have to shave below your neck.

45. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

46. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

47. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

48. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

49. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.

50. The world is your urinal.

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