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To much Drama

Shell74SShell74 Posts: 299
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:23 AM in Matters of the Heart
I know I need to be concerned about my recovery but my family is a walking soap opera. When I married my DH he had 2 sons ages 5 and 7, they are now 20 and 23 and are both in a contant state of "drama". Fortunetley, the younger kids, 10 and 13, are doing great (which is alittle unusual) but I am not complaining,lol.

To make a long story short, they both have histories of drug use and illegal activity. They both have babies that they are very ill equiped to care for. Thats how I turned into a 33 year old Granny. Neither of them can hold a job. The younger of the 2 missed the birth of his son because he is incarcerated. Every other day he calls and begs for money. We have now been asked to care for the underage girlfriend and the baby. Of course I want to and cant seem to say no.

I also care for my 27 year old brother, he has a movment disorder that makes him unable to walk or hold a job. He is able to do basic adl's, but we do everything else.

Between, the older kids, money, family and my rehab. from surgery, I think my brain is about ready to explode! I know it could be much, much worse. I am very thankful to have a supportive DH, he tries his best to take care of things. I just feel like I am alone here. Harping on everything all day long. I kind of got myself into a pitty me party, I guess. Why cant I get over it?

Thanks for letting me vent here.

Shell
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Comments

  • going on haven t you.sometimes it helps just to be able to come on here and rant,does nt it,if your anything like me you don t want to off load things onto your hubby or you feel abit selfish but i can assure you re tour not you re human like the rest off us, thats why SH is so great we know how you feel and are here to support you,
  • Wow Shell, that's an awful lot of responsibility, especially with your own health problems. When I do the math it also appears you married young so you've been doing this a while. Do you allow for a life of your own?

    I know some of what it's like. We are dealing with this in my step-daughter right now. DH just bought a condo for her to live in while she goes to college in another state and had to kick her out after only 13 days due to her being arrested while purchasing drugs. She needs to deal with the results of her lifestyle on her own. If they never feel the full effect then what incentive is there for them to change?

    My own dealings with family drama including drugs and alcoholism have proven to me that the more I give to people who are using me, the more they will ask for in the future. It becomes "enabling" which makes it easier for them to keep doing what they're doing because you are the one dealing with the wreckage, not them. I know the babies add another dimension to this and honestly I can't say what I'd do in that case. I bet I'd be damned resentful if I ended up taking care of them though. Not that I wouldn't love grandchildren, but I'm done raising kids full time. At least you are still young enough to deal with them. My aunt and uncle ended up adopting their drug addict daughter's child just as they were getting ready to retire. The kid is now in his teens and they have still not been able to retire and enjoy their freedom.

    Anyway, all I really wanted to say is please don't allow yourself to be a doormat. Good luck.
  • ranchoalmosta said:
    Anyway, all I really wanted to say is please don't allow yourself to be a doormat.
    Thanks for reminding me that,lol.

    I met my husband when I was 19, he obviously was older. I knew what I was getting into then and never regreted, being with someone with "baggage". I had my son when I was 21 and married when I was 22. Yep, I was young.

    Spent a few years raising our kids and then went to school for myself to become and Occupational Therapist. My husbands boys have been thru alot, although that cant be used as an excuse for their behavior, their mother frequently tossed them out and we gave them a place to stay. They always went back though, since they were allowed to drink and do drugs at her home.

    We have put our foot down, no money for rent, no bail money, no place to stay. It's just really hard to stick to that when they are so lost. They may come for dinner and I will help with health related problems. But when it comes to the younger baby, I cant say no, its not his fault he was born into this situation. I strongly advocated adoption for them, but the other grandmother wanted to hear nothing about it. The only thing we can do now is keep involved with them.

    I can only hope that one day they want to make a change for themselves. We cant force it, that would just be futile. They are not going to stop these behaviors unless they really want to.

    My brother is really no trouble. Although he is stubborn,lol. He is a good role model for my 13 year old son. It is also nice to have someone here when I am at work.

    I joined the Y to go swimming and have taken up beading. I attend some philosophy and metapyhsical classes once a week. I also enjoy my parrrots and my Koi pond. I am taking an online sign language class and am registered for a few seminars in the next few weeks too. Just a few things I do for myself right now when I cant work.

    I have days I let it really get to me. I think sitting here rehabing from surgery is giving me to much time to focus on everything. Time to relax.

    Thanks,
    Shell


  • You sound like you have a full life. So you are doing beading? I started doing that last year, making gifts for family and friends and stuff for myself. I am going to try and sell some at an upcoming local event soon. Am a little nervous as I've never done that. And it's taking a lot of time to make enough stuff to sell! Plus it's dangerous going into bead and craft stores. I usually go in with a couple simple items in mind and end up spending $50 or more. Ugh!

    Good luck Shell. Raising kids is sure not easy, is it? And IMO step-kids are even harder. DH and I would clash because we had different ideas on how to handle certain issues. SD decided to move back to her mom's in a different state which enabled me to back off and love her from afar. Now when there are issues I just sit and listen to DH vent and say, Mmm-hmm. :-)
  • Girl you got a full plate!!!
    My Mom was 31 when she became a Grandma and is now a great grandma many times over.
    I was 39 when I became a grandma.I have 2 wonderful grandkids.

    Well enough with all that. I know from my own experiences that just getting on S.H.to make a post,comment, or vent to a who ever is there to hear me....really helps me...
    p.s. sending you a smile... sometimes a smile will take my pain away if only for a minute.. Patsy
  • Good luck at the event if you decide to do it. I just do basic stuff, I would love to learn some of the weaving stitches, maybe once I can tolorate sitting up longer. I tried a few weeks ago and ended up with a bed full of beads, lol.

    My Mom does craft shows and is usually very disapointed in her sales. It all depends on your area too. In the city she does better than in the country. Although she does get her name out and at times has customers call her at a later date or buy from her website. Other vendors bring in cheap imported things and can sell them for a small fraction of the cost it is for her to make her items.

    We will be freezing our butts off in late Novemeber when we do an outside 2 day show. Hopefully it will be worth while.

    $50, I dont think I have ever walked out spending that little. Unfortunetely, I like sterling silver and expensive beads, go figure. I try and buy only at the big shows, but ouch, walking away from there hurts the pocketbook.

    Thanks for taking the time to reply, somedays I think that I have the only kids like this,lol. It helps to know that I am not the only one.

    Take Care,
    Shell
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