Hi...I really never thought I'd be back on this forum. I had my 2 level ALIF surgery in March 2007. Although the recovery was horrific, I survived and was able to return back to "normal". Went back to work as a CNA, LOVED my job but 4 months later was injured at a patient's house. He was stepping into the shower and slipped and I caught him. Instantly felt a burning pain in my back. After a CT Scan, found out the disc under my fusion is bulging. I have severe sciatica pain down my leg to my toes. The back pain is intense. I've had SI Injections and Facet Joint Injections...nothing is helping.
I am so sad. I have 2 boys ages 14 and 11. It is a struggle to take care of their needs. I can barely drive them to school w/o crying from pain. I try to hide it but it is hard. Standing or sitting hurts which makes it hard to enjoy their hockey games. And I can't be drugged up like I need to be cuz I am driving. As for my husband, well I'm surprised he hasn't left me. I am always in pain and sad which has come between us. I think they would all have a better life without me around. I think they would be better off mourning me because they could get over it. Life would go on. But this is just dragging on. I am in bed as much as I can be...who needs a mom like that? And when I'm not in bed I am drugged up to the point I forget what I ask them and repeat myself alot. Everytime I take a pain pill I think about taking all of them. I think then how nice it would be not to be in pain all the time. How nice it would be to not be dragging everyone else down with me. How nice it would be not to be ruining their lives.
Can anyone else relate? =((