Welcome, Friend!

It looks like you're new here. If you want to get involved, click one of these buttons!

Veritas-Health LLC has recently released patient forums to our Arthritis-Health web site.

Please visit http://www.arthritis-health.com/forum

There are several patient story videos on Spine-Health that talk about Arthritis. Search on Patient stories
Protect anonymity
We strongly suggest that members do not include their email addresses. Once that is published , your email address is available to anyone on the internet , including hackers.

All discussions and comments that contain an external URL will be automatically moved to the spam queue. No external URL pointing to a medical web site is permitted. Forum rules also indicate that you need prior moderator approval. If you are going to post an external URL, contact one of the moderators to get their approval.
Attention New Members
Your initial discussion or comment automatically is sent to a moderator's approval queue before it can be published.
There are no medical professionals on this forum side of the site. Therefore, no one is capable or permitted to provide any type of medical advice.
This includes any analysis, interpretation, or advice based on any diagnostic test

Cracked egg...

AnonymousUserAAnonymousUser Posts: 49,671
edited 06/11/2012 - 8:31 AM in Depression and Coping
I have finally admitted (or submitted) - Doctor diagnosed depression.
I have fought the black and dark days for a long time, my own private battle behind the fake smile which I learnt a few years ago through the physical pain, 24/7 after dashed hopes...and so on.

I don't expect any comments, just wanted to share. I try so hard to make each day count, I hope that tomorrow will be different and I focus hard on my family.
I never ever expected my life to change in the ways it has.

I still think that the uncontrolled pain is 90% of why I feel so dark. When i have better days it makes me realise how much I am missing, which is likely why I feel so bad again.

This is 2009. Why am I in pain? It is madness. They can replace organs, go into space, do amazing things and I am still left in pain.
There doesn't seem any point talking to anyone. I am worried now that the doctors will treat the "depression" and not the pain, and see the depression as somehing that suggests I am imagining th epain.

They can't feel the pain. Their lives haven't been turned inside out. My career has ended due to my problems. I have plans and dreams it is just a big struggle at the moment.
Every day I grit my teeth and get though the day.

Today I feel like a cracked egg? So what happens next? I am scared to give in to how I feel which is how and why I have battled forward this far without meds.

Sorry to vent. Just need an understanding place to help re-focus on the positives.
thank you.



  • And by you coming forward you open the door for others and provide strength and much needed understanding & comfort in letting others know their not alone.

    What's next for your 'cracked egg'?
    Add milk & bread & make french toast!

    Yes pain walks hand in hand with depression and it is a tough battle to get through everyday, but if you got through yesterday then today won't be that hard will it? Take some comfort in knowing that you will have better days, it just stinks that we don't have a calendar showing us when they'll be so we can make plans ahead of time!!!
  • this battle for years. Since about 1995 IIRC, not that memory is a stable trustworthy thing in a depressed chronic pain patient...

    Today I am sitting in my office, my back is screaming because it is raining and the entire length of the SCS cable HURTS. The SCS sensations block the shoulder pain, but make me feel like I am freezing.
    So, it is 75 degrees and I have a heater running trying to FEEL warm again.

    2009 indeed, how/when will we get to the point we can actually control pain and the side effects of the treatments we already have?

    The doctors can't feel your pain, but many of us here live with it and know how you feel. Just keep on keeping on. Nothing more we can do but try and deal with it the best we can.

    Hope you feel better soon.
    I am seriously considering the fact I can not live here anymore... I need someplace HOT.
  • I'd still move to Maine right on the ocean. I don't care how cold it gets because if I can move there, i'll be rich enough where i'll have radiant heating under my LAWN!!!
  • I had the money to do the radiant heat in the lawn thing! Right now, I'd settle for a warm sunny day on the beach, followed by many more, warm sunny days on the beach!
  • Yeah, house on the beach with radiant heat is what we all need B)

    I tried my best to hide my depression in fear of nobody believing my pain, but my doctor saw past my "smile" too. Being on Cymbalta really helps me from bottoming out. It's weird, it like blocks you from crying when you want to sometimes. Of course I can still cry, it just seems to control the crying at the drop of a hat thing for me. Well, I think it pays to be honest about your feelings because only then can you get help, and you don't have to suffer all alone anymore. Us spineys have a lot to cope with and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that we may need extra help.

    I hope you feel better soon >:D< Take care
  • >:D< Sending you a big HUG! It's perfectly normal for all of us to be depressed due to dealing with chronic pain -- I just got on Zoloft the past few weeks and it's helped a lot. I have more of an anxiety issue. I know how it feels to lose who you were to pain -- you don't recognize yourself anymore because all the things you did and experienced that made you who you are are sidelined by dealing with pain.

    Today may be a bad day but tomorrow may be better -- don't write off tomorrows -- there'a ALWAYs hope -- don't give up! OMG -- I sound like I'm going to break into a song from "ANNIE" (LOL!)

    Take care and we're all here for you -- anytime!

  • vicious circle... pain causes depression and depression causes pain... Let them treat you for your depression, it won't do any harm, and may help you feel a little better!!! I hope that you keep the strength to keep on keepin on and find some relief somewhere!! Take care
    APROUD CANADIANveteranButNOTa doctor, my thoughts are my own
Sign In or Register to comment.